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I'm not enough

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 6 Replies
Have you ever felt like what you're doing, your role in your family, the things you do because you're the one who has to do them- those things aren't what you're good at?

I was a teacher. I was a good teacher, and a better mommy for doing something I loved. I had fun with my daughter. We had fun together, and I felt like the time I spent with her was worth something.

Them I got laid off. And that was ok-my husbands job was sufficient, I didn't have to work to support us.

We had our second child when my daughter was almost five. He was three months old when my good-for-nothing SIL went nuts. We got custody of her three kids. I stopped nursing six months later and immediately got pregnant.

I feel like my life has spiraled out of my control, since the day we brought the nephews home. I hate being a stay at home mom. I hate that the raising of six children-three of whom don't want me to be their parent-falls mostly on my shoulders. I feel like my life has devolved into one mess after another and mismatched socks and constantly telling one child or another 'no' or 'stop that' or 'go to your room'.

I hate cleaning up after everyone. The dishes, the laundry, spilled milk, toys everywhere. This is not what I was meant to be. It's not really the type of wife and mommy I ever envisioned myself being. I'm not good at it, but it gets done. Eventually.

I haven't had a single interview for a teaching position. Schools hire student teachers, but that's about it. I worked briefly as the director of a daycare, but my husband got promoted and we moved away.

I just want to be that mom again, who loves and is loved in return, with joy and excitement. I just don't know how to get back there.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 16, 2013 at 4:43 PM
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Replies (1-6):
anotherhalf
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:06 PM

I'm a SAHM and I'm pretty awful at all the domestic chores and I plain don't like them, not even after 9 years.  I was so much better at my job.  I'm waiting for a position to open up, but there is only one in my town. 

And, I only have 1 child.  I don't know how you are doing it with 6.  I probably wouldn't have been able to say no to my nephews either.  Could a family meeting help where you lay down the law and assign each child chores and responsiblities so that there is less pressure on you?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:11 PM
The ones who are old enough already do. I don't let them do dishes, or much laundry (besides their own) because they don't put enough effort into doing it well. They spent a week one time doing the same chore over and over until I finally just had to do it myself so that it was clean-and my standards aren't super high, I'm not a perfectionist. I just prefer clean dishes.

Quoting anotherhalf:

I'm a SAHM and I'm pretty awful at all the domestic chores and I plain don't like them, not even after 9 years.  I was so much better at my job.  I'm waiting for a position to open up, but there is only one in my town. 

And, I only have 1 child.  I don't know how you are doing it with 6.  I probably wouldn't have been able to say no to my nephews either.  Could a family meeting help where you lay down the law and assign each child chores and responsiblities so that there is less pressure on you?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:31 PM

I know this might sound like adding yet more responsibility on your shoulders, but have you considered looking at your time with these kids as being a homeschool mom?

Sometimes I think that when we see ourselves as nothing more than child care providers and maids, it's easy to get overwhelmed and feel that we're not up to the constant tasks.

But as a teacher, can you turn your time with them into a lifestyle of learning, even if it's just for the summer? Instead of coming at family participation as a dreaded chore, how can you turn it into a planned lesson on life skills, or home care, kitchen chemistry, elementary physics, basic biology, etc?

Again, I don't mean to make it sound as if you need to add something else to your plate, but to encourage you to look at your problem from a different perspective.

xoch86
by Bronze Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:44 PM

That's hard..u were just shoved into this situation so it's gonna take time to get use to it and get a routine..especially when 3 of the children are probably hurting.. 

Talk to ur husband about. Maybe getting some help for u.. A. Any or babysitter a couple  times a week?

v2011
by Bronze Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 5:55 PM

You should change your perspective.  You are a stay at home mom that doesn't appreciate how important a stay at home mother is.  I'm not trying to be harsh or mean.  Please don't get me wrong, you get the work part of it.   But you don't see how important you are and what you are doing is. What you do every day is a very thankless and difficult job.  Those kids are lucky to have you in their lives.  Life rarely turns out the way we plan.  Stop dwelling on what it is supposed to be and start focusing on what it is.  Make changes where you can and be patient, things will work out soon. 

Ms_mom_81
by Member on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:25 PM

I am so sorry. It sounds like you guys did the right thing by taking in your nephews, but really didn't figure out how you were going to make that bearable. Don't give up on working back at a school. You need time to yourself and your husband and the kids should help you clean the house. Go see a counselor. That might help! If all else fails get some Xanax!

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