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I'd Almost Rather Stab Myself In the Eye With a Spoon (piog)

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 11:02 PM
  • 16 Replies

My husband's stepmother texted me today asking to skype.  I was barely picking up my kids after the long day of prenatal appointments I had.  I told her tomorrow evening we probably could. 

I really hope I get called into a birth. I don't say I hate someone a lot, but I. Hate. Her.  And my actual mother-in-law. 

Let's rewind: My husband commited suicide early 2011.  His childhood was horrific.  Emotional and sexual abuse was pretty much what he endured with his stepmom and dad (by his "uncle"...his stepmom's brother).  No one believed him.  They ended up kicking him out.  He ended up in foster care.  He was finally brought over to his mom's house (who knew where he was the entire freaking time). She was emotionally abusive and extremely manipulative.  Everyone condemned him.  People bet that he'd end up in prison by 18.  Instead, he ended up in the military, married to me, and father to our two beautiful boys.  

Then he dies.  NOW, they're mourning.  NOW, they post on facebook about their "perfect son."  NOW they post every few weeks about how they're crying all the time.  When he was alive, they didn't care.  When he was alive all they used him was for money.

Abruptly, he ended his own life and my life went upside down.  My in-laws (his stepmom and mom) think that I'm stupid and don't hear what is said about me.  They've said I was cheating on him.  They've said our second son isn't my husband's (which is so beyond f'ed up. Don't talk about my children.). If word ever spreads about that and my second hears that...I know that it's a simple DNA test that would prove both he and his brother are 100% brothers...but for a short time, he might actually question it.  Kids should be off limits.  If you hate me, fine.  If you blame me for my husband's death, fine.  I blame me.  I should have seen something.  A warning.  Anything.  I didn't.  He used the gun *I* had bought him.  That was all me.  I have to keep reliving that morning.  I have to keep wondering "what if." 

But they think I'm dumb and don't hear what they say about me.  So they smile at my face and chirp away their greetings over the phone.  My mother-in-law pretends she can't afford anything, even though she got half the life-insurance (and again, she thinks I'm an idiot and don't know).  My MIL says I keep the grandkids from her.  She could always call *me*, but she won't.  She says she can't afford long-distance...but has a cell phone. *facepalm*  She says she can't travel because of health, but I know for a FACT she went on a 3 week road trip with a friend, shortly after she got the insurance money.  I know a lot of the insurance money went to paying off her boyfriend's bills....*I* have these kids to raise.  It makes me feel selfish, but that money should have gone to me.  Not her boyfriend.  My "step" mother-in-law pretends she never said anything badly about me and acts like she's never harmed a hair on his head.  

I feel like this terrible person, but I wish they'd just leave me alone.  If I never heard a word from them, I'd be happier.  But for the kids....I keep in contact.  I don't want to talk badly of their father's side of the family.  I just hope that they see these people for what they are when they grow up.  I just hope they never hear anything about what's said about them.  

The only deal breaker here is if word DOES get to my child about possibly being his dad's biological kid or if they treat him any differently than my first (who is the spitting image of his dad, so no denials there), then screw them all.

This is a rant, I know...but it's on my mind tonight. :/ Sorry...if anyone got through it, thanks. I hope it made some kind of sense. 

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 11:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:50 AM
Keep your head up. Thats a hard situation to deal with. I do not know personally what you are dealing with but kids are not as nieve as people think. They will see the true colors.
Marimaru
by Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 2:48 AM
1 mom liked this

You are a better person than I am.  I wouldn't talk to any of them, ever.

mysticalmalissa
by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 6:32 AM
3 moms liked this

I would be moving far, far away for those people. They sound way to toxic.

disnchntdwife
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 9:25 AM

Thanks for sharing your experiences. The thing I want to say the most...... PLEASE FORGIVE YOURSELF..today...right now...this very moment.

YOU are not responsible for your husbands decision. As painful as the act of suicide is to the love ones left behing...it is always a personal choice made by the person who commits it.

How long ago was his passing? How are the kids handling it?

Alexsi1
by Alexandra on Jul. 17, 2013 at 10:11 AM

I would be getting as far away from them as I could. I'm so sorry Mama.

Mom2Kyle03
by Bronze Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 11:27 AM
1 mom liked this

Personally,  what benefit do they have to your children? It doesn't sound like they live near you or an everyday part of their lives anyway? And if they were abusive to your husband as a child, WHY would you want them near your OWN children? I am not sure how old your kids are but if they are young, I would separate the in laws from your life now while it is easier and you don't really need to explain. Slowly shut them out of your life. They don't sound like they are helpful to your healing- I would just cut them out and go on with your life. Also, I am sorry you are dealing with all of this...((((hugs)))

in loveGina

kgsharber
by Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 11:37 AM
1 mom liked this

They have shown what they are capable of, I would NEVER let them around my children. God bless you! I am SO sorry for your loss.

CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 11:38 AM

I am so sorry for all of this!

First off, don't blame yourself.  Find a way to forgive yourself.  YOU didn't make that choice. 

Secondly, you are a better person than me.  With that kind of situation, I would cut ties with them.  It doesn't sound like the kids would even really benefit by having them in their lives.  They are toxic and won't own up to their own mistakes and part in your husband's problems.  I don't think they are worth the stress and aggravation.

amylulu1
by Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 3:24 PM
1 mom liked this

My heart hurt to read that, so I can't imagine living through it.  You are a strong woman.  In the interest of protecting my sons, I would not have them around the toxic people.  You are responsible for their welfare and if you feel it is in their best interest to not be around that side of the family then you should do what you think is right.  Personally, I would drop them from my life if I were you.  When your children are older, maybe give them the option, but right now...NOPE! 

Jaycee878
by Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 3:42 PM

 

This exactly. It doesn't sound like they are any good for you or your kids.

Quoting Mom2Kyle03:

Personally,  what benefit do they have to your children? It doesn't sound like they live near you or an everyday part of their lives anyway? And if they were abusive to your husband as a child, WHY would you want them near your OWN children? I am not sure how old your kids are but if they are young, I would separate the in laws from your life now while it is easier and you don't really need to explain. Slowly shut them out of your life. They don't sound like they are helpful to your healing- I would just cut them out and go on with your life. Also, I am sorry you are dealing with all of this...((((hugs)))


 

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