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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

I'm pissed, and hurt. That he told her about my addiction anyway.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

PLEASE. DO NOT BASH ME. I WILL NOT RESPOND TO THOSE THAT ARE HATEFUL.  I don't mind if you state your opinion but don't be too hard on me please. I just can't take it right now. 

 I understand he's concerned. I have been struggling with an addiction to pain medication, taking more than prescribed, he caught me stealing some of his, (i was never a thief, until this.) which I am VERY ashamed of. But I wanted him to catch me to be honest. He doesn't take his very often, only when he really needs them, so he always had more than I did. He still has some left from years ago when he had work done on his teeth. If that gives you an idea of how little he takes them.... (he has them under lock and key now)

  But I have been clean for nearly 6 months.  My husband found out how bad it really was getting, and we had a really long talk at that time, we cried together and it really opened my eyes.    

I was out of control and I agreed to stop, and I did, I weaned myself off with his help, and have not gone back to get a refill.  

It almost cost me my marriage, and my children. I know they deserve better than that. I want to make it clear that I never neglected our children, food was always on the table, I got up before them every morning before them, our house was taken care of, my husband and I were intamite on a regular basis. I put up a really good front, that's why it took him so long to catch on. 

Well, I specifically asked him NOT to tell his mom. She likes to run her mouth to everyone and I knew she would look at me differently. 

So yesterday her and my sister in law were here all day, the guys were out fishing. I noticed she was treating me differently, we've always got along well, she was being rude and nit picking at everything.  Then I happen to over hear her talking about me to SIL.  It really upset me, I wanted him to give me a chance to be the person I use to be without everyone knowing my business. I'm in tears right now, because my relationship with my mother in law has changed, and we will never be as close as we were.  

I am so hurt that he told her, I'm embarrassed, I'm ashamed, I feel like it's the day he caught me all over again. I hate myself for everything I've done.  If it weren't for our children, I don't know what I would do.   I couldn't stop crying last night, I keep crying off and on today.  I'm just a mess.... I know I fucked up, I know I stole, I know I lied, I know i i am a piece of shit. But I'm trying to change and now the whole family will know (if they don't already) and it's just not going to be the same again. Ever. 

Bash away. I'm sure it's coming even though I asked otherwise.  

But, at least It felt good to finally let this out. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 21, 2013 at 4:47 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 23, 2013 at 6:06 AM
1 mom liked this

Thanks, it isn't easy for sure. It's a fight every day, but I know I can do it! 

His mom is a great person aside from the gossiping.... her and I had a talk as well and she told me she was sorry I felt that way, she wasn't intending to make me feel that way. I didn't tell her I overheard her though I was hoping she'd say something but she didn't... Oh well, I don't hold grudges, I get over things pretty fast for the most part and it's not worth destroying our relationship over.... it's just something I have to accept about her.... 

Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you all for the kind words. I really appreciate it. We have talked a lot since my post, and he understands why I was upset. I understand why he told his mom.   We are going to continue this fight together.  I know with him by my side I can do it.   Thanks again ladies!! :)


Good deal! It really does take the whole fam. to help someone pull through a addiction such as pharmies.  You should be proud to have the strength and be blessed to have the family support that you have.  So many good people can't do it bc of the lack of support.  I'm sure your husb. was very stressed out when he went to his mom for support himself.  Like any mom, I'm sure you can relate bc you have kids, she will always support him and love him.  She is his mom, that will never change.  That are what moms are for once their children get old.  They are there for support of their children and grand children.  Whom of all I'm sure she loves unconditionally regardless of their flaws, just the same as you do with your children.  Best of luck to you.  Don't give up.  Recovery is forever. It's a life change to dedication and for the love of yourself and your loved ones. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 23, 2013 at 6:11 AM

I agree! I think it upset me more that I found out the way I did, I would have liked for him to tell me his-self. 

And thank you! I'm trying to stay on track, stay strong, it's hard at times....  but I just look at my children and they put me back on track.... they mean the world to me, and so does my marriage.  :)  

I forgive him of course, he made a mistake and as I said before, had I not made poor choices and got myself in this position. I wouldn't have these problems, so I will take whatever consequences for my actions that come my way... I hurt a lot of people, and I know that.  

euoting holyhoola:

If I were in your position I would be so upset with him! He should have let you know he told her before you heard whispers at your home. I would be thinking... was he looking for sympathy, a pat on the back or he just had to vent? Nevertheless you are doing the hard part. Hold your head high! Your back!
Quoting Anonymous:

I understand he may need to talk to someone. But my issue with her is she runs her mouth to everyone, about everyone and anything. I'm a very private person, and I asked him to keep this between us, that I would do my best to change. My issue is I feel betrayed, if he asked me not to tell someone, I wouldnt. Not to mention,  I don't want everyone knowing business unless I choose to make it their business.   

And fyi, she's on all kinds of medication. So she isn't one to judge because of that. I feel like he told her to watch her pills or something.... I would never steal from her. I took them from my husband yes, but I am not a thief. I know he was looking out for my best interest, but I am still hurt.  

I am more upset with myself than anyone to be honest.  If I hadn't let it get out of control, k wouldn't be in this situation. I have no one to blame but me.   I guess it's part of the recovery..... the consequences for my actions.... it just sucks. I love my mother in law, she gets on my nerves at times, but I just wanted this part of our life between us.... Idk.... 

Quoting Anonymous:

Well honestly I don't think he should keep simmering like that from his own mother. Dealing with you and your addiction might not be easy for him. Maybe he needed someone to talk to. And honestly what did you expect that it wouldn't alter relationships? She may not know how to process that finding out the woman her son married is a pull popper. I'm glad you are being your addiction. But there are good times and bad. The 3 of you should sit down and talk it all out.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 23, 2013 at 6:14 AM

Thank you so much. It's hard to keep the past, in the past sometimes. But you're right!

It amazes me how the words from complete strangers affect me.  It's so nice to have a place like this, and women like you, to go to when I have no one else.


quoting To_the_moon:

Wow.. Sorry for all this hun. I'm sorry but that was an asshole move on your husbands part, that should have stayed between you two especially since you cleaned yourself up. Hold your head up sweetheart you got clean because you wanted too and that takes some balls to do. Be proud of yourself and realise that we all make mistakes, that we all have skeletons hanging in our closets. Don't let anyone shame you for your PAST mistakes, you realized you had a problem and fixed it, not all of us do.


Louweezymarie
by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 6:40 AM

I could maybe justify and understand him talking to her right after it happened if he was having a hard time with it, but if it's been six months since and you haven't slipped up (and proven to him clearly that this isn't an issue anymore) knowing that his mom has loose lips - he shouldn't have said squat. So now, if she judges you - fuck her. You owe being clean to your kids, your husband and yourself. No one else.

Basherte
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 7:31 AM

I agree here. She's a mom. I think she would have wanted to know so she could help you.

Stay strong, you are doing the right thing. You aren't a piece of shit. Stop talking to yourself like that, it's not right.

Quoting KrysluvsVaelin:

1. I think its amazing that you have decided to get clean.
         I know its hard. But remember you are a strong woman! And that you will over come this, not just for you bur for your family. And that makes you a good person
2. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone makes wrong choices in life.
     Your's just happend to be taking pills. But you are trying to do something about it. Not everyone does. You are trying to do better. And remember that. Just keep you head up, love.
3. I know you said that you didnt want her to know.
         She would have found out eventually, ALL MOTHERS DO. :) But it would have been better if it was from you. I think you should talk to her. Tell her how you plan to make things better
4. Stick to what you say.
       :)


CafeMom Tickers
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:04 AM

 

I think your on the right track and that is not being in denial and facing the consequences of your actions.  Everything is a cause and effect thing.  More people should be more like you, regardless if they have a addiction prob. or not and own up to their beef.  Good luck and stick to your words.

Quoting Anonymous:

I agree! I think it upset me more that I found out the way I did, I would have liked for him to tell me his-self. 

And thank you! I'm trying to stay on track, stay strong, it's hard at times....  but I just look at my children and they put me back on track.... they mean the world to me, and so does my marriage.  :)  

I forgive him of course, he made a mistake and as I said before, had I not made poor choices and got myself in this position. I wouldn't have these problems, so I will take whatever consequences for my actions that come my way... I hurt a lot of people, and I know that.  

euoting holyhoola:

If I were in your position I would be so upset with him! He should have let you know he told her before you heard whispers at your home. I would be thinking... was he looking for sympathy, a pat on the back or he just had to vent? Nevertheless you are doing the hard part. Hold your head high! Your back!
Quoting Anonymous:

I understand he may need to talk to someone. But my issue with her is she runs her mouth to everyone, about everyone and anything. I'm a very private person, and I asked him to keep this between us, that I would do my best to change. My issue is I feel betrayed, if he asked me not to tell someone, I wouldnt. Not to mention,  I don't want everyone knowing business unless I choose to make it their business.   

And fyi, she's on all kinds of medication. So she isn't one to judge because of that. I feel like he told her to watch her pills or something.... I would never steal from her. I took them from my husband yes, but I am not a thief. I know he was looking out for my best interest, but I am still hurt.  

I am more upset with myself than anyone to be honest.  If I hadn't let it get out of control, k wouldn't be in this situation. I have no one to blame but me.   I guess it's part of the recovery..... the consequences for my actions.... it just sucks. I love my mother in law, she gets on my nerves at times, but I just wanted this part of our life between us.... Idk.... 

Quoting Anonymous:

Well honestly I don't think he should keep simmering like that from his own mother. Dealing with you and your addiction might not be easy for him. Maybe he needed someone to talk to. And honestly what did you expect that it wouldn't alter relationships? She may not know how to process that finding out the woman her son married is a pull popper. I'm glad you are being your addiction. But there are good times and bad. The 3 of you should sit down and talk it all out.

 


 


 

To_the_moon
by Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:48 AM
Quoting Anonymous:



No problem anytime. We all need a pick me up even if it's from complete strangers.
CafeMom Tickers
debmom07
by Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this
You can get through this. good job in 6 months clean. I wish I could just hug ya and say im proud you. This is so hard to overcome. youre so worth it.
Corinnesingh
by Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 1:33 PM

Away hon, I am very happy for you,my hat you realized that ur family was in jeopardy and you had the strength to get thru your addiction.. Congratulations, you should feel proud of yourself.. Hold your head up.. Your mil is no saint, no one is, we all hav flaws, we all sin.. Give her time, and maybe u should talk to her yourself, she will probably appreciate that... Hugs hon..

Anastacia1988
by Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 1:44 PM
How do you KNOW he told her? Did he admit to it? If so I would tell him that first and foremost it was wrong . Secondly by causing you undue stress it makes it more likely for you to relapse. Thirdly ... Tell him that your going to live your life and no longer give a shit about her opinion of you (and mean) since he crossed that line . Tell him you won't go out of your way for her since she's treating you poorly. Tell her the same thing. Also tell him if she's risking your sobriety she won't be welcome in your home.
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