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Grandpa Passed Away

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:36 AM
  • 12 Replies

DH's Grandpa lost his battle to cancer last night.  He went out with dignity, surrounded by loved ones.

DH and I can't go home for the funeral.  We went just a few weeks ago to say our goodbyes, though.  

I'm in a lot of pain over it.  Some of my inlaws don't feel as though I "deserved" to be a part of the goodbyes, or that I don't have a right to grief because I "only knew him 8 years."  I would never try to belittle their loss, but he was a wonderful man who accepted me into the family and I bonded with him.  He and Grandma were wonderful influences in my early marriage and in the lives of our young children.  

Other inlaws were more than understanding, I think those who had a problem with me were just venting emotions they didn't know how to handle and I was an easier target.  We don't live near there, so if they hurt me it's months before they see me again and by then I've let it go.  I don't hold anything against them.  As soon as Grandpa was diagnosed I kind of expected it and decided I wouldn't hold anything against them during their time of grief.  Some of DH's family has always struggled with pride and emotions.

It still stings, though.

DH is doing the typical "I'm a man, so I'm going to keep this in" routine.  I caught him tearing up, but he shut it down pretty quick.  To each their own.  He'll probably melt away into some video games for a while, or maybe get busy doing projects around the house.  Grandpa built houses right up to the end, and I know DH has always felt closer to him while working on a project.

But when DH deals with emotions he turns inwards and I can't reach out to him for my own support.  My good friend out here recently moved away, so I've got all these emotions going on and basically no outlet.  I'm not sure how to handle it, I guess.

So I dumped some of it here.  I just needed to get it out of my head for a bit so I can focus on my children today and try to keep things around the house in order so that DH can deal with things however he feels he needs to.

by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lwalker270
by Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:40 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss -- and regardless of how long you knew him or if he was a family member by marriage, it is your loss too.  

You and your family are in my thoughts.

Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Bronze Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 12:04 PM


Thank you. 

Quoting lwalker270:

I'm so sorry for your loss -- and regardless of how long you knew him or if he was a family member by marriage, it is your loss too.  

You and your family are in my thoughts.



ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:13 PM
1 mom liked this

*hugs* I am so sorry.

NICHOLE87
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:20 PM
1 mom liked this

hugs i am so sorry

momluvsgg
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry too for you and your husband and thanks for sharing this with us here. It's touching to know how much you cared about him and what a blessing to have a second pair of Grandparents with such a special relationship to you and your children. I know from my own experiences, that my husband and I have grieved differently as we lost loved ones close to us. I would feel the pain daily and then have times that I felt numb or even okay and these feelings would cycle. As time went by, the pain would lessen. My husband stayed busy too and didn't talk much about it, but then it would hit him when he would least expect it. It sounds like you are doing all you can to support him. So my prayer for you and your husband is that you will feel God's daily compassion and comfort and will turn to each other for support. Hugs!

psych_mom
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 2:39 PM
1 mom liked this

Hugs to you. It is sad that they don't understand that bonds can be formed immediately. I am so sorry for your and your husband's loss.

mysticalmalissa
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 3:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry for your loss.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 7:53 PM
I'm sorry
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:06 PM

 Big flippin' deal. My grandpas both died when I was 3. my dad died just recently---worst loss ever. I am sorry for both your loss but seriously. Grandparents' loss no big deal---get over it. Try losing a parent instead much worse. And no in-law loss not same thing, sorry.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 25, 2013 at 12:32 PM
Wow are you bitter much. I lost my dad last year and yes it is still very painful but you do not know what kind of connection OP had with her grandfather in law. It is painful whenever be lose someone we love. I am sorry for your lose and hope you can come to terms with it

OP so sorry for your lose. Hope you and family can deal with this. Be there for your husband because when it hits him it may comes like a ton of bricks. Good luck


Quoting Anonymous:

 Big flippin' deal. My grandpas both died when I was 3. my dad died just recently---worst loss ever. I am sorry for both your loss but seriously. Grandparents' loss no big deal---get over it. Try losing a parent instead much worse. And no in-law loss not same thing, sorry.


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