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Lets talk MIL! I need opinions please help!

Posted by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:35 AM
  • 33 Replies

A little back ground first. My husband and I meet when I was 11 and then his moms loved me so much that they were going to adopt me. We got as far as me moving in before they told me they were moving and I might never see my mom again. My mom is not the best mom in the world and the reason why I was ok with being adopted is a whole nother story I don't want to get into but the moment they said that all I could think of was my younger sister and two younger brothers... they needed me. I am sure part of it is my mom but mostly it was my siblings. I couldn't let them go through what I I moved back and after that my mom moved us under a bridge and then shortly after dropped us off at my grandpa's. I went 8 yrs without contact with my husband. He found me through yahoo of all places acting like he was a friend of his lol. Eventually he told me the truth. We talked over the phone for months and then one day he decided he was coming to see me.

For him: David is adopted by a lesbian couple. His birth mom is in and out of his life. She is a dependent drunk and x drugie. His moms name are Gail and Veronica. Gail was also a drunk and used drugs but is clean and has been since David came into her life. Gail has had three other sons... she gave them all away. At first she used the excuse that back in her day a single lady couldn't keep her kids because the goverment wouldn't allow it. That made no sense to me but I couldn't prove otherwise. However she finally admitted that she just gave them away because she "wasn't ready." I could never see this. My 13 yr old sister had gotten pregnant and had the kid at 14 and she stopped drinking and became that adult that she needed to be for her son! You spread your legs you should deal with the consequences however I suppose I should give her props for realizing she couldn't do that. Veronica was molested by her brother in law and became pregnant. Since her sister was pregnant at the same time her family seen this as a sin and an omen for some reason and made her have an abortion. She hasn't been able to conceive since then. They gave David everything he wanted so financially they were great mentally not so much. They bring up all the time that they saved his life (and they did), they gave up 18-23 years of their life up to raise him and could be rich with all the money they spent on him, they ask him if this is how he is going to repay them, he wasn't allowed to go to friends or have friends over, he wasn't allowed to go on school trips or sport trips (their excuse was he could be molested, abused, or catch bugs), his time was spent on games, the computer, or tv...... their is sooooo much more but I will not drag this on to much. They make him choose between them or me. Veronica has sever diabetes and decides not to eat right and take care of herself, Gail has to much to list and is dieing..... we really don't know how long she has to live. If it weren't for that I think I would say fuck it this is it... the last straw.

David and I were officially back together when I was 19. We became pregnant shortly after but honestly it didn't feel like we had ever spent any time appart so I was cool with that. Before David I was in a 5 yr relationship and lost my first born... a son in that relationship so becoming a mom and having a baby felt amazing. We found out around Christmas and told his mom through a gift card and a test result. I thought they would be happy. I should have known better because the second Gail found out we were together again she got a back ground check done and it was automatically std check. Well as soon as she found out she went to abortion automatically knowing that I had lost my son. (Which btw David might have a son out there. He was only 16 and they won't even try to find out). She threatened to throw me down the stairs so "they could get ride of all of their problems" while I was pregnant. Then it was cps this and cps that and "as soon as you have that baby they are going to take her from you and I am gonna make sure of it", My family is trailor trash, I have slept with every one from her to Alaska..... just everything.

We married in August 2011 when our daughter was 2. Now she is turning for this August and we are currently 3 months pregnant with our second. They seemed happy about this one. About a month ago his mom starting having that old attitude with me again so I told my husband about it. Well she just flipped her switch a couple of days ago. They are helping my husbands birth sister out and giving her their old furniture. Once they moved that out they were going to do a "spring cleaning" I said I would help. So I came over to help then. While every one was sitting down I thought I would start a convo. We always talk and laugh about how messy my husband is. I mean he is down right digusting sometimes. He used to spit in the floor, he wipes bugers on the walls and furniture, he punches wholes in the walls. His moms let him do this... taught it to him when he was younger and incouraged it. Anyways.... so when I say somthing this time Gail says " I don't know what man does pick up after himself" well I do... I know several and I don't know any that spit in the floor, wipe bugers on walls, or punches holes in walls. She thought I was gonna say that they were lucky. I wasn't because I don't love any of them.  For all of Davids bad qualities he has thousands of good. Besides how can I not love some one I have knows since I was 11? HE was putting in applications and his mom made the statment that it isn't one of his strong suites and then said "but he doesn't have any good ones all of his are bad."  So seeing that she was in such a bad state I decided to remove myself from the situation. So I went into the room with my husband and he yelled for Veronica and my daughter copied him like any other 3 yr old. He needed something so my beautiful helpful daughter went yelling to go find her for him. Next thing I know Gail is yelling at her for copying her dad. She didn't like it when I said something. I don't think it is right to jump on my 3 yr old for acting like her dad and trying to be helpful. If your gonna get onto someone get onto the 23 yr old father not the 3 yr old. Your son is not perfect! Don't treat him like a baby when you can't even treat your grand daughter like a kid because you want to treat her like an adult! She didn't like me saying anything so she yells at me. We leave and they steady txt my husband and then Gail calls wanting to talk to me. Look... I am high risk. I haven't had one good pregnancy yet. I told every one from day one if you plan on being negative get the fuck out of my life until this pregnancy is over. I will not have another un happy pregnancy because of some one else and I am not going to get high bp over this bs! My baby is more important then this bs! So no I am not talking to you! She says that the only time I say anything is when I am pregnant because I know she won't hit me while I am pregnant. We got into it over them wanting to take my daughter with out telling me to a place where I have no idea where it is at so that is total bs. 

 She disowned David.... said he choose me over her. He should never have to choose. She says that he isn't the boy she raised. Who would be after 5 yrs? A mom doesn't just disown her child though your grow to know the man he is becoming you don't disown them. She said she didn't disown my daughter.... you did the second you disowned your son. She is a part of him!  You will not see my daughter if your gonna talk shit about her mother and father! You are not gonna be around her if I can't step foot in your house! and your not gonna see her if this is the way your gonna be toward your son! You will never see this next kid if you can't get over your act! Grow up! 

So she shows up at my house last night at 12:00 knowing full well we have a 3 yr old sleeping upstairs so that she could fight with me. I told my husband I wasn't in the mood and I had told every one I ain't going through this shit this go round. So I went upstairs and he handled it. She said I was crazy and needed to be evaluated. He said every one who doesn't agree with you is crazy and she agreed. She said that I used whats between my legs to get whatever I want..... if that was the case I wouldn't be working while I am high risk. I don't do short term I do long term. My first relationship was 5 yrs. It started when I was 13 and ended at 18. The only reason why it ended is because neither of us could get over the lose of our son. After that I was in morning and then I was with David and have been for almost 5 yrs. The last time this happened David and I seperated when Naomi was 5 months. We couldn't handle the stress from his moms. We were constantly arguing and it wasn't a good invironment for my child so I made the decision to remove myself. I told David if it ever came down to him or my babies it would be my babies. Either he didn't believe me or he no longer cared. I am scared to death that it is gonna happen again. I love my husband with all of my heart but I will not let my kids pay the price. I don't want to give him that choice though. If his mom dies while they are at odds he would never forgive me. Even though they constantly rub shit in his face and treat him like shit they are still his moms. I understand that feeling. I don't want my husband to hate me because his mom died while he wasn't talking to her.... I have no idea what I should do.... what is best for my family? What will pull us through this? I can't believe it has gone this far..... all she had to do was admit she was wrong for getting onto a 3 yr old instead of the 23 yr old. Hell if she would have just let it go after I had my say I would have been fine. I haven't talked to her since...

 She did txt my husband a threat though. It reads "Whant my hourse key know u planned on calling cops if i came in last night so mail it but cant stay in house forever" she gave my husband a house key. This translates into " I want my house key back. I know you planned on calling the cops if I came in last night so mail it to me. Just know that you can't stay in the house forever" which means "You can call the cops on me if I step foot on your property so you better pray I don't catch you off of your property." I plan on taking this to the cops. I want to put a protective order against her. She is 67 and if I defend myself she will press elderly abuse charges on me... I know because it wouldn't be her first time. I am pregnant yes but does she care .... obviously no. She was willing to push me down the stairs before so what would stop her from hitting me? To top it off she has a hand gun perment. Opinions on what I should do please!

by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 6:55 AM
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Cut them out of your life? Honestly, is it worth the stress? I would have said "see ya" a long time ago.
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by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 9:03 AM
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This is your life get to pick who you want in it and who you choose to deal with. If she causes too much drama and stress then it's easy to set boundaries. When you finally take control and stand up for yourself, you will feel empowered and safe. There is a child that you have a responsibility to that needs a normal, safe, drama free environment that only you and your husband can provide. Your house=your rules !!! Best of luck to you ......Big Hugs:)))

by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:06 AM
2 moms liked this
I would get a restraining order protecting me and the children. If dh wants contact with them, I wouldn't include him as a protected party.
by Silver Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:29 AM

That sounds like a huge mess.

by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 12:32 PM
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by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 1:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you should mail her the key. Then get a restraining order on both moms. 

by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 1:14 PM
2 moms liked this

That was long.  lol.  It sound like an extremely dysfunctional family and honestly I would never have become part of it.  Best thing for you is to cut off all contact with his mothers and get a protective order. 

by Anonymous 1 on Jul. 29, 2013 at 1:35 PM
by New Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:12 PM

Good luck hope it works out  , I stopped reading after your mom dropped you off at your grandparents sorry was just to long .

by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 5:18 PM
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Anyone who would be willing to fight me physically would be out of my life and out of my kids' lives.  Your husband can talk to his moms, and see them for lunch, or whatever, but they would not see me or my kids.

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