Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Confusion...

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:50 PM
  • 9 Replies
Hey y'all ~

It's been forever since I have been on here. I am seeking some deep serious advice. Normally I can handle most of this on my own. But this one is a challenge.

You see, I've been with an amazing sweetheart for a year. Known each other for about 3 years tops. During the time of our relationship that was establishing, my sweetheart has been mean, selfish, ornery, lazy, scared and straightforward.

This person keeps staying he hates himself when he does that to me. But doesn't change. Not believed in therapy. A very suicidal type of person. I've done a lot for him. I changed to be someone better because he helped me.

We love each other yes (or no?) he critiques himself more than I have ever heard of. He wants his moobs removed, he wants a job (but can't because of health issues) wants money to live on but his disability is not enough for him.

I've tried to help him, I've never left his side. I've always loved him for the good side he has.

He always says its not me, it's him.

Really? I am confused. I don't know what to do? He's been saying we should break up. He's been asking me that numerous of times today. Which makes me feel all the things I've done is effortless.

What gives?
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:50 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
SlyBlackWolf
by New Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:51 PM
To sum it all up: his past relationships with other girls have been HELL. I'm the one that's letting him be himself, to be happy. To love and cherish him.
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 8:53 PM

I'm sorry, but I think you should break up.

First, he won't help himself.  Second, he's constantly testing you, and you will eventually resent it.  Telling you to break up is a constant test.  Will she stay?  Does she love me enough?  It becomes toxic, because he's always telling you to go, but he wants to see if you'll stay.

Perhaps YOU should get into some therapy.  I can't possibly know the depths of your situation from this post, and my first impression could be wrong.  However, with therapy you could have a neutral third party analyze situations with you, and help you see all the options and predict consequences.

rebeccasmly
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 9:18 PM

I think you should probably break up. Eventually he will start to bring you down too. He sounds seriously depressed and needs help. If he can't or won't get the help he needs, you should move on. I understand  you love him but this does not sound like a healthy relationship.

huntersmama711
by Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 9:21 PM
Sounds like a relationship I was in years ago. Looking back I see how toxic it was so my advice is to let go. If not he'll drag you down with him.
psych_mom
by on Jul. 31, 2013 at 9:50 PM

It sounds like this is not a good situation for you. If he is being mean (abusive) then you need to decide if this is the type of relationship you want to continue to be in.

WonderWoman22
by Member on Jul. 31, 2013 at 10:38 PM

I think you should take a time out from the relationship. Step back and if he is bothered by it then let him know what you need in the relationship and whats bothering you.

Maybe you should tell him you are considering breaking up since he is always talking about it and that you are taking a time out to think about where your relationship is headed, if you feel you have a future with him, and if he is the right one.

If you start off in a relationship allowing him to be mean to you and there are no consequnces he will continue in that behavior pattern until you hold him accountable...

You need to know where you stand with him, does he want you enough that he is willing to change to do whatever is takes to work on the relationship???

ff-princess
by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 10:56 AM
nothing you wrote days "sweetheart" to me. I couldn't deal with constantly having to reassure a grown man that I wanted to be in a relationship with him, when he does nothing but sit there and stew in his own misery. I don't need all that negativity in my life, and if you really think about it, neither do you.
anotherhalf
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:41 PM

Personally, I wanted a partner, not a weak person I had to save.  If you like being the savior, or attempting to be the savior, carry on.  If you want more of a partner and someone with less of a "bad" side, move on.

teaspring
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:54 PM

This is such an unhealthy relationship for you.  You deserve to give yourself a little consideration here - you deserve better than what he is able to offer.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)