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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Does he have a right to complain...

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2013 at 7:50 AM
  • 23 Replies
My BF lives with me and my DD who is 5. We have been together for over 2 yrs now. BF does not work full time as he is going to school. He had quit his job in the flooring industry of 15 yrs so that he could go back to school and better his career. I respect that, so I'm not upset with his not working so much.

What upsets me is I'm a working mother living 1400 miles from my nearest relative besides DD and have no help. DDs father has her half time, except the past year he has been in jail, due to a fight with a guy at a bar, so we've had DD the entire last yr. My career is demanding at times and I work from 7-5, mon through fri. BF helps me drop her off at school and pick her up from after school care, but many times he complains about it. I am soooo frustrated with him. He pays none of the bills, Except what's his (car, insurance). He has helped pay for groceries, but that's it. Even that he has been complaining about lately. I pay the mortgage and all utilities. He sometimes says he thinks I'm using him for child care. Come on, it's not like I'm going out to party, I'm working so I can pay all the bills, the ones you don't help out with. I feel if he can't help financially, then he's obligated to me with DD. I can't exactly quit my job because we have bills and i have no backup income (BF). Does he have the right to complain? If anything I feel like I'm the one being used. Sorry long, rant over.
by on Aug. 19, 2013 at 7:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
psych_mom
by on Aug. 19, 2013 at 7:57 AM
2 moms liked this

Sounds like he is looking for a completely free ride.

flowerchild0315
by Member on Aug. 19, 2013 at 2:15 PM
2 moms liked this

It sounds like you are being used.  Honestly....I would never want to be with anyone who thought as my child as a burden.  I would kick them to the curb in a minute.  STAND UP for yourself and if not for you than your child, if that is the way he thinks of your daughter now.....it will only get worse the older she gets.  Good Luck

MissTacoBell
by Taco Bell Princess on Aug. 19, 2013 at 2:21 PM
He's essentially a SAHD. If you were a SAHM would it be cool for you to tell him he's using you as a cook and maid?
catrig
by Silver Member on Aug. 19, 2013 at 2:22 PM

I would tell him either to help out or get it.  It's not your responsibility to take care of him.

umm.yeah
by Member on Aug. 19, 2013 at 2:26 PM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like you are being used.  If he is not willing to step up then I would sit down and write out an itemized list of expenses and then divide them by 2.  Give him the list and tell him if he wants to continue to live with you he will have to pay X amount.  If however he is willing to help by providing transportation for DD and also help with housekeeping, you will pay him X.  It would be a wash in the end but at least he can make the choice to either pay with cash or time and talent.

umm.yeah
by Member on Aug. 19, 2013 at 2:30 PM

 I agree he is basically a SAHD but he is not doing the things he should be and complaining about what he is doing.  If she was a SAHM, she would understand those things were her responsibility and would do them without complaint.


Quoting MissTacoBell:

He's essentially a SAHD. If you were a SAHM would it be cool for you to tell him he's using you as a cook and maid?


 

mcknitro
by Member on Aug. 19, 2013 at 3:44 PM
Exactly how I feel. I don't mind helping him so he can go to school, but in return I would expect help too. And that means I need help with DD. I would love to be a SAHM and would be greatfull. I was also in a past relationship where I had to help out with a step daughter. I didn't mind doing it if her dad worked, cause I had an understanding where the money was coming from. But I also paid half of everything too.

I sometimes wonder if he realizes that if I don't work, I can't pay bills and he would be forced to find a place to rent or pay up. His life is cake because I work. Most the time he helps, but sometimes he complains and it just frustrates me. He wants me to find a different job, but he doesn't realize I can't just quit because he has no income to help me out in the process.


Quoting umm.yeah:

 I agree he is basically a SAHD but he is not doing the things he should be and complaining about what he is doing.  If she was a SAHM, she would understand those things were her responsibility and would do them without complaint.




Quoting MissTacoBell:

He's essentially a SAHD. If you were a SAHM would it be cool for you to tell him he's using you as a cook and maid?



 


phoenixhuntress
by on Aug. 19, 2013 at 3:44 PM

Trouble is he's NOT the dad.  He's just the boyfriend & doesn't see her DD as any of his responsibility.  He's just looking for a free-ride since he doesn't want to help out with anything.  

OP: He needs to pay half or get out.  Your DD should have someone in her life that cares for her & her momma, not just looking to mooch of her.  IMHO.

mcknitro
by Member on Aug. 19, 2013 at 3:49 PM
He helps me out with the household and does do a lot. I just get frustrated cause I HATE being a working mom and I already feel like crap that I can't be there more for my daughter. Help with her is more important than household. I have thought about having him pay. If he paid I would understand him not wanting to help me out with DD and would value his opinion more.


Quoting umm.yeah:

It sounds like you are being used.  If he is not willing to step up then I would sit down and write out an itemized list of expenses and then divide them by 2.  Give him the list and tell him if he wants to continue to live with you he will have to pay X amount.  If however he is willing to help by providing transportation for DD and also help with housekeeping, you will pay him X.  It would be a wash in the end but at least he can make the choice to either pay with cash or time and talent.


mcknitro
by Member on Aug. 19, 2013 at 3:53 PM
I don't think he thinks of her as burden. He says he wants kids, however he feels I need to stick up to my employer more. I told him I could make more demands if I knew I had another income in the household to fall back on if they decide to fire me. As is, I need a paycheck to make ends meet. I really hope this degree of his pays off and then he can help me out in the future as well.


Quoting flowerchild0315:

It sounds like you are being used.  Honestly....I would never want to be with anyone who thought as my child as a burden.  I would kick them to the curb in a minute.  STAND UP for yourself and if not for you than your child, if that is the way he thinks of your daughter now.....it will only get worse the older she gets.  Good Luck


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