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I did what I felt was best, and now I feel terrible!

Posted by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 11:49 AM
  • 48 Replies

So yesterday I was in my car to take my daughter to my parents and then I was gonna go to work. Well, I start my car it does all this sputtering and then it just quits and all of my lights on the dashboard come on. So, I had to call work and tell them that I would not be in. My boyfriend has a jeep and it is not inspected and not running well enough for me to take to work. It also has an insane amount of problems all the time. I have a 45 minute drive. Luckily I have AAA, because I had to have it towed to the shop. The mechanic said that the belt had broke, it needed a tune up, and I needed a new tie rod. He said I was looking at roughly $600. This is not the first time I have had to $500 into my car. My car is 11 years old, and I only paid $2000 for the car two years ago. It is paid for, but the moneuy I put into it, I could make a car payment on a new car. So I go home and I do up a budget. I go to the toyota dealership with my stepdad and I find a RAV4 that I fell in love with and is definitely well within what I can afford and it has a 3 year warranty and 3 years of free oil changes and inspections. So my stepdad does his thing and talks the guy into what we want, and I come home with a vehicle that we can depend on. I feel that this was what needed to happen. With the distance I have to drive and having a baby at home, we need at least one vehicle that we can depend on. That was the last straw yeterday. Luckily we were just in the driveway. I could not help but think, what if I was somewhere with my daughter and was not close to home and my car just quit. My boyfriend is very unhappy with me because I made the decision without him. I understand his points, and I know it is wrong for me to think this way at the dealer yesterday, but we are not married and I know it is something that I can afford. I felt that I did not need his permission to do something that will make our lives better and less stress free. Now he is mad, and I totally understand why. I know I was in the wrong, but I was doing what I thought was best for my daughter and I, as well as my boyfriend. Sorry for the long post. I just had to get that off my chest. It has been bothering me that I did this to him.

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by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 11:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 12:02 PM
9 moms liked this
NOT in the wrong. You're not married and you paid for it yourself. You need a reliable vehicle for work and your daughter. He sounds selfish.
by Alexandra on Sep. 11, 2013 at 12:55 PM

He will get over it. Rav 4's are awesome cars! I had a Rav4 for nine years (it was 6 years old when I got it). I loved that car and I cried when I had to say goodbye to it in January. 

by Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 1:13 PM

you are not married.  he has no say

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 1:16 PM
2 moms liked this

You are not wrong at all.  If he wants a say he either needs to pay for it or get married.  Sorry, but bf status doesn't get him a whole hell of a lot.

by Bronze Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 1:20 PM
4 moms liked this

YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT!!!!   You used YOUR money to make a decision that needed to be made. It is very important to have a dependable vehicle.  It is a shame your BF is letting his ego get in the way.   Don't let him mkae you feel bad and don't beat yourself up.   Please.  If he was going to be responsible for the car payments, that would be different, but if this is your vehicle, he needs to chill out.  For the record, I am married, we keep separate bank accounts, and I have bought cars without my consulting my DH.  He is man enough to understand that he married a smart, can-do woman :-)

by ♡Charmaine♡ on Sep. 11, 2013 at 1:24 PM
2 moms liked this

Although you aren't married i still would have ran it past him that i was getting another car.

by Bronze Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 1:42 PM
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I don't agree with most of the ladies that have posted so far.  If you are living together and you have a baby together, you know you should in the least have told him.  Its a matter of respect.  

Not trying to make you feel worse, just apologize and don't make major decisions without at least having the discussion with him. But don't dwell on it.  It's done now.

by Bronze Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 2:03 PM

Even though you aren't married you are living together. I would have a least checked with him first and/or had him go to the dealership with.

by on Sep. 11, 2013 at 2:11 PM

u go girl my dh will NOT go with anything else but a bmw ugh 

by Bronze Member on Sep. 11, 2013 at 2:30 PM
4 moms liked this

You really should have talked this over with your boyfriend - not to get his permission, but as a form of mutual respect because it's a major purchase that will affect both of you financially since you are both living together and sharing household expenses - even though you claim that you are making the payments.  You can't go back and change things, but just keep this in mind because a 'tone' has now been set (inadvertently by you) in your relationship.  When I say 'tone' I am referring to the fact that now your boyfriend will probably want to make some purchase or do something eventually that you wouldn't agree with and he'll do it anyway because in his mind you didn't respect him enough to consider him in this decision so he won't respect you when he will want to do something later.....and you can't complain about it when the shoe is on the other foot and you see what it feels like. 

Are you sure you worked up a whole budget for this Major purchase? I know you wrote that you were paying so much money in repairs on the old car that it could be payments on a new car, but how about insurance costs?  Were you paying only Liability on your old car or full insurance?  Because you'll have to pay full insurance now on the new car and if you were only paying liability before then that is an added expense too.  Just wondering.

Anyway, congratulations on your new vehicle.  It always feels good to get a new car. Good luck. 

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