Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

am i overreacting?

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 12:23 AM
  • 12 Replies
Hi Ladies- this is my first post here and I have been really stressed with my husband. We recently moved from South Carolina to North Dakota. We have a 2 year old son so the move has been difficult on everyone especially since we have no family here. My husband just started working a second job and we work opposite shifts. He's been pulling the grave yard shift and I get off work at 630 pm. Our son goes to Day care. Because my husband sleeps during the day and he goes into work at his first job at 5pm and gets off at 8 am. So I understand he's tired but I feel as tho he is pulling away from his family. Even when he has two days off. He has me take our son to daycare. I just know how much our son adores him and misses him. I calculated the time my son sees him and its less than 10 hours a week. I don't feel that his family is a priority to him. Even when we are together I feel like he wishes he was working. Don't get me wrong I'm thankful he's working because there was many years when he didn't work and I single handily supported our family. My husband tends to fall in a crowd of people that don't have his best intention at heart. I don't mind him drinking a couple of beers. I just find it a bit selfish when his son is waiting for his dad to come home.
by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 12:23 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
maryella
by New Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 12:37 AM

that does sound a bit sad .have u brought that to his attention ?because theres parents who dont live with their children and spend more time than that on the weekend.if possible he should try n change shifts because theres no family time 

katcorey616
by Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 12:57 AM
Thank you, yes I have told him- his response was I'm just trying to be a good dad and work. I get that but doesn't he have to be around in order to be a dad and not just a provider. I broke down today. Before I walked into work- I dont want my son to feel neglected by one of the people in his life that are supposed to dote on him. I want to shake my husband and get it thru his head, these years ate going to fly by... and soon he's going to grow up and not want us around hugging him and kidding him. Why can't he see that?
anotherhalf
by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 11:00 AM
That is sad that your son rarely sees his dad. He really should be making him and you a priority.

I just have to address this one line - he doesn't "tend to fall" into those crowds. He deliberately chooses them. His friends hold no blame.
katcorey616
by Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 11:18 AM
You are right. I have always made excuses for him even before our son. I just don't know how to make him realize what he is missing out on. Any suggestions?
Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 11:40 AM

I would encourage him to quit the first job asap so you guys can have family dinner and a little quality time. He will regret missing out on his sons childhood. In the meantime I would insist that he take your son to daycare at least twice a week to do the drop off. Then see if you can also negotiate a one night a week policy for him to go out with the guys.

katcorey616
by Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 11:53 AM
Yes, u I would love him to quit his first job. I know he prefers that position however. Because he feels as tho everybody adored him and he feels appreciated for his efforts. And to be truthful he likes all the attention he receives. I think he enjoys his social life at work and wouldn't want to give that up. I've also taken a step back and thought about how I can make him feel important and appreciate all he does. I do everything for him. I take care of the house our son (I feel like I am a single mom most of the time) and make sure I give him tlc. I'm not sure how to approach him on quitting his first job



psych_mom
by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 11:55 AM

When someone works night shift they are never present during the day. Their body doesn't get the rest that they need no matter how much sleep they get. My husband did night shift for almost three years and I felt the same way. I was so happy when he was able to go to a day shift.

katcorey616
by Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 12:01 PM
Did you feel like you weren't a priority? I feel as though we are being neglected. I'm a big girl and I can put my big girl panties on and suck it up-front but I feel lie KY son is being neglected and I'm not ok with that. My son tries so hard to wait up for he dad when he comes home for 15 minutes to change work clothes before heading out the door again and it makes me feel so sad.
psych_mom
by on Sep. 28, 2013 at 12:52 PM

I did feel like I wasn't a priority, but when my husband went to day shift and I saw the change in him and how he wasn't exhausted all the time, I realized that it wasn't him, it was because he was so drained all the time. Even his health suffered because of his shift at work- his blood sugar levels were elevated as well as his cholesterol levels, his stress levels were through the roof, and he seemed drained all the time. We would talk about something and he would never remember it. We argued a lot because I felt neglected and the kids hardly knew him. He now works 2 12.5 hour days and one 10 hour day and he is an awesome dad and husband. He is a totally different man- healthy, hardly ever stressed, and is always laughing.

Quoting katcorey616:

Did you feel like you weren't a priority? I feel as though we are being neglected. I'm a big girl and I can put my big girl panties on and suck it up-front but I feel lie KY son is being neglected and I'm not ok with that. My son tries so hard to wait up for he dad when he comes home for 15 minutes to change work clothes before heading out the door again and it makes me feel so sad.


katcorey616
by Member on Sep. 28, 2013 at 12:58 PM
That gives me a bit of peace thank you.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN