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Was I wrong to get so upset?

Posted by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 5:27 PM
  • 6 Replies

I love my MIL to death, she's been the one who's helped me through my miscarriage in August, she's the first person we told I was pregnant when we found out last night. She's been a blessing in helping with my SD as well.

But one thing she mentioned made me super upset yesterday. She told me that she cant waits to meet "Her little angel" and "her little miracle".
I simple gave her a look and stormed out of the room.

The only reason I got upset, or so I assume, is because this baby is mine and my DH's miracle. Not hers. We're the ones who got past the grief to try and have another. Not her.

I felt bad and apologized but she simply left.
Was I wrong to get upset about that?

by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 5:27 PM
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Replies (1-6):
heretolisten
by Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 5:32 PM

I think your hormones allowed you to read into the generalized comment that likely merely indicated "her" as in "her grandchild".  Unless she continues to make remarks that would suggest she's a bit "off" mentally and believes you are carrying HER child, I wouldn't think much of it.  

KenneMaw
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 5:35 PM
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You are still grieving, so some things will still hurt your heart.   You felt what you felt, but I don't think she meant it to be hurtful.  It is nice that she actually cares enough to talk about the baby because when my first child was stillborn, most of my inlaws just pretended like I was never pregnant and never talked abouit the baby. 

Pink.Frosting
by on Oct. 9, 2013 at 5:36 PM

Wow, holy hormones batman!!  That was a way over the top reaction my dear.  I just...can't even really wrap my head around it.  Just....no.  What she said is no different from what countless grandmothers have said since the beginning of time.  Be thankful you have a mil in to care so much for you!  But too much more of that attitude and it might not last forever.  Dial it back a bit, for everyone's sake.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Oct. 9, 2013 at 5:42 PM
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It is good that you apologized.  

Believe it or not, but the miscarriage could have been hard on her, too.  From watching her son and you both in pain to the sadness at not getting to meet a grandbaby she was excited about, then to top it off she was there for you when you needed her.

For now, just give it some space.  I think you misunderstood what she meant and you both got hurt in the end.  I'd consider sending her a nice card thanking her for all her support and letting her know your hormones and grief got the best of you there.

Unless she shows actual signs of being unnaturally attached to your baby, I'd let it go and just be glad she's happy for you both and excited about the baby.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Oct. 9, 2013 at 5:43 PM

Oh, and you have a right to whatever emotions you feel.  Nobody can tell you how to feel, but you should try to work on how you respond better.  It can be very hard after a loss and then dealing with those hormones.  But do your best.

aurora.dove
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2013 at 6:22 PM

I think maybe you were misreading what she was saying. My MIL and my Mom both refer to DS as "My Boy" Example, if we're on the phone they will say "Give my boy a kiss for me" or "I can't wait to see my boy!" My MIL did a few times after he was first born, refer to herself as mama, while rocking him saying "mama loves you" It bothered me a lot, and I talked to DF about it and the next time he heard her do it, he said "He is not your baby, he's your grandson, do not refer to  yourself as mama to him" It hurt her feelings, but her doing that was hurting mine, especially as a new mom who has also been through several losses. Hormones can do crazy things, looking back now she was probably just getting back into the groove of caring for a small baby, and the only ones she had ever really cared for that way were her own so it was a natural thing for her to say. She apologized and said she didn't realize she was saying that and after that was always more conscious about it. As PP stated, she may have been hurt by your loss too. Yes it was your baby that was lost, but she probably felt pain from the loss. She wouldn't have had the same bond you did, because you are the one who carried and lost the baby, but I would feel honored that she is so supportive, and realizes that this baby is a miracle! Most people just consider a miscarriage a "fluke" pregnancy and unless you are the mother aren't really all that effected by it. I would try talking to her to try and sort it out.

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