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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Husband and Mother in Law

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 25 Replies

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother making rules and asking the kids to follow them. My mother in law knew my step daughter was grounded for being horrible at school and the rule was she would not be able to spend the night anywhere until she improves. She still calls to see if she can get her for the weekend even though I said she couldn't. She calls my husband ofcourse and he agrees to whatever his moms says despite what I say. He has the nerve to ask me and I said I thought she was grounded, He said yeah but my mom wants her. This is why everytime she is grounded she doesn't take it seriously because grandma and dad doesn't take it seriously and then I end up with a headache from her not listening. No one else has to deal with it.  I am so sick of this. I didn't marry his whole family. I married him. So over this mess!

Posted by Anonymous on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:22 PM

Oh my, undermining your authority is absolutely rude. I'd be calling her back and telling her her son is a jellyfish and that YOU are the one who grounded your DD so YOU are in charge of saying whether she goes anywhere or not and she isn't allowed. SO, so, so much BS, I totally would be on the war path, but there is no way my DD would be going. I just wouldn't let them do that. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, and that he hasn't realized his resonibility is to you now, not his mother. I hope you can find a way to make this work because your DD is going to be a mess when she gets older. :(

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:31 PM
1 mom liked this
I went through this. I backed off from the whole mess. My MIL doesn't respect me and doesn't think that I should be involved with skids because I am not biological. I have an 11 yr old who will tell me to my face that Mamaw doesn't want you to sign my school papers.
Ok so I don't. I don't make rules, I don't enforce rules either. I know this sounds mean but they are not my kids and I don't have any rights. I'm not going to involve myself in situation that I cannot change. I hope and pray that at some point my DH wakes up and puts his mother in her place before she ruins his kids.
When it involves my kid its a different story. I put my foot down, hard.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:33 PM

Thank You. I am glad to know I am not alone in this. I have repeated myself till I am blue in the face. She already is a mess. This does not help her. Does anyone care but me? NO! I am so ready to dust my hands of this and let him take care of the kids by himself for awhile so he sees what I go through everyday. And then when he grounds them unground them so he knows what it feels like. His mother thinks its unfair that I ground her. She always has an excuse for her and she babies her. She will be 8 pretty soon but acts like she's two. It is stressful and annoying. My daughter always cries to go to grandmas when she is in trouble cause she knows she can do whatever she wants. If we tell her she isn't allowed to eat cereal all day and watch t.v. all day thats what she lets her do. I just want to scream. 


Quoting Anonymous:

Oh my, undermining your authority is absolutely rude. I'd be calling her back and telling her her son is a jellyfish and that YOU are the one who grounded your DD so YOU are in charge of saying whether she goes anywhere or not and she isn't allowed. SO, so, so much BS, I totally would be on the war path, but there is no way my DD would be going. I just wouldn't let them do that. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, and that he hasn't realized his resonibility is to you now, not his mother. I hope you can find a way to make this work because your DD is going to be a mess when she gets older. :(



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:42 PM

This sounds like something I should do. Nothing else seems to work. I don't know how many times I have talked to both my husband and mil about this and nothing changes and I seem to be the only one who takes anything serious. I also seem to be the only one who gets a headache from this. Why should I give myself a headache over something that will never change right? It does sound mean but how else will I get my point across? I see this being a big problem in our marriage already and I am not going to drive myself crazy trying to raise her right when everyone seems to know better but no one puts in any of the work. 


Quoting Anonymous:

I went through this. I backed off from the whole mess. My MIL doesn't respect me and doesn't think that I should be involved with skids because I am not biological. I have an 11 yr old who will tell me to my face that Mamaw doesn't want you to sign my school papers.
Ok so I don't. I don't make rules, I don't enforce rules either. I know this sounds mean but they are not my kids and I don't have any rights. I'm not going to involve myself in situation that I cannot change. I hope and pray that at some point my DH wakes up and puts his mother in her place before she ruins his kids.
When it involves my kid its a different story. I put my foot down, hard.



amonkeymom
by Silver Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:44 PM

Well... my opinion is that dad needs to step up and be a dad and you need to stop trying to make rules for his child if he's not going to enforce them.  Step back and let dad handle disciplining her from now on.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:49 PM

Wow, I'm so sorry. Your MIL has serious boundary issues, and your husband is confused as to where his loyalties should lie at this point. All I can say is continue to stand up for yourself, don't get drawn into arguments, and don't give your MIL an opportunity to talk about her opinion on how you raise your own kids. Just keep telling your MIL your DD is not hers to raise, and let your DH know that your DD needs consistent discipline and don't back down. And I would suggest counseling for the two of you. An intrusive MIL and a spineless DH is a recipe for marital disaster. Hugs.

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank You. I am glad to know I am not alone in this. I have repeated myself till I am blue in the face. She already is a mess. This does not help her. Does anyone care but me? NO! I am so ready to dust my hands of this and let him take care of the kids by himself for awhile so he sees what I go through everyday. And then when he grounds them unground them so he knows what it feels like. His mother thinks its unfair that I ground her. She always has an excuse for her and she babies her. She will be 8 pretty soon but acts like she's two. It is stressful and annoying. My daughter always cries to go to grandmas when she is in trouble cause she knows she can do whatever she wants. If we tell her she isn't allowed to eat cereal all day and watch t.v. all day thats what she lets her do. I just want to scream. 


Quoting Anonymous:

Oh my, undermining your authority is absolutely rude. I'd be calling her back and telling her her son is a jellyfish and that YOU are the one who grounded your DD so YOU are in charge of saying whether she goes anywhere or not and she isn't allowed. SO, so, so much BS, I totally would be on the war path, but there is no way my DD would be going. I just wouldn't let them do that. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, and that he hasn't realized his resonibility is to you now, not his mother. I hope you can find a way to make this work because your DD is going to be a mess when she gets older. :(





Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:51 PM

I agree and I think I will try that from now on. I will step back and  I will let him handle it from now on! Thank You!


Quoting amonkeymom:

Well... my opinion is that dad needs to step up and be a dad and you need to stop trying to make rules for his child if he's not going to enforce them.  Step back and let dad handle disciplining her from now on.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:55 PM

Thank You! At this point I am too tired to argue or fight a losing battle! I have explained this to my husband and he seems to not understand this. So I guess I will do my own thing!


Quoting Anonymous:

Wow, I'm so sorry. Your MIL has serious boundary issues, and your husband is confused as to where his loyalties should lie at this point. All I can say is continue to stand up for yourself, don't get drawn into arguments, and don't give your MIL an opportunity to talk about her opinion on how you raise your own kids. Just keep telling your MIL your DD is not hers to raise, and let your DH know that your DD needs consistent discipline and don't back down. And I would suggest counseling for the two of you. An intrusive MIL and a spineless DH is a recipe for marital disaster. Hugs.

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank You. I am glad to know I am not alone in this. I have repeated myself till I am blue in the face. She already is a mess. This does not help her. Does anyone care but me? NO! I am so ready to dust my hands of this and let him take care of the kids by himself for awhile so he sees what I go through everyday. And then when he grounds them unground them so he knows what it feels like. His mother thinks its unfair that I ground her. She always has an excuse for her and she babies her. She will be 8 pretty soon but acts like she's two. It is stressful and annoying. My daughter always cries to go to grandmas when she is in trouble cause she knows she can do whatever she wants. If we tell her she isn't allowed to eat cereal all day and watch t.v. all day thats what she lets her do. I just want to scream. 


Quoting Anonymous:

Oh my, undermining your authority is absolutely rude. I'd be calling her back and telling her her son is a jellyfish and that YOU are the one who grounded your DD so YOU are in charge of saying whether she goes anywhere or not and she isn't allowed. SO, so, so much BS, I totally would be on the war path, but there is no way my DD would be going. I just wouldn't let them do that. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, and that he hasn't realized his resonibility is to you now, not his mother. I hope you can find a way to make this work because your DD is going to be a mess when she gets older. :(







Alexsi1
by Alexandra on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:56 PM

What she is doing is beyond disrespectful and if your DH doesn't grow a pair and stand up to her it will get much worse. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Oct. 10, 2013 at 3:12 PM

It is disrespectful. I have had plenty of problems with her. She treats all the kids differently. She treats my daughter differently than she treats my step daughter. She will call to talk to my step daughter but not my daughter.  She will ask if my step daughter can spend the night but not my daughter. She plays favorites and it isn't fair to the other children. But no one sees the problem with this.  I have to watch my daughter cry because her step sister gets to go to grandmas but she doesn't. There is just constant drama in his family. It disturbs me that grown people act this way. If my husband cannot see the wrong in this as pathetic as it sounds I will have to worry about my own child and not my step daughters. Because everything I do dealing with my stepdaughter is questioned but anything I do with my daughter is not questioned. So obviously my husband and mil question my parenting skills. It has been like this since I have met her. I am done being labeled the mean stepmother and horrible daughter in law when I do a lot to help his family and all I do is get used. 


Quoting Alexsi1:

What she is doing is beyond disrespectful and if your DH doesn't grow a pair and stand up to her it will get much worse. 



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