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VENTING...I want a divorce!

Posted by Anonymous
  • 13 Replies
I am done. I've never had a high tolerance for bs and am hanging on by a thread here because he convinced me to be a SAHM after a layoff and I'm trying to get back on with my company 1st so I can support myself and 2 kids. He is a lazy alcoholic and is rude to me every day. I am so worried about the emotional well being of my toddlers and am hesitant to make a move that I can't take back.

He used the fact that I have fertility issues (PCOS) and desparately wanted kids as leverage to get together, telling me it was "meant to be". Now that we have 2 kids and I don't make more money than him, he thinks it's suddenly the 1950's. He will be a slob about something and just walk away like he expects me to follow him around with a janitor cart. He is so relationship inexperienced that I actually have to "recap" our arguements later for him and point out that where he blows stuff out of proportion and what he can do to prevent it next time. I shouldn't have to mediate this crap but we have both found that it's necessary and the only thing that helps. He will flat out deny that he talk rude to me even when it's over-the-top patronizing rude tones. Like if he denies it enough he thinks he will convince me that I imagined it? I need a deep breath and a ten count!!
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 7, 2013 at 3:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:46 AM
2 moms liked this

A happy Mom means a happier child.

by Gold Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 8:52 AM
It's up to you, I had to get out when my kids were young, my ex would not accept or seek help for his substance abuse, he would not make the change so I had to get out there and show him how to take care of a family. He's close to fifty now, still doing the same thing and we see his mugshot in the paper now and then, that's about it.
by Alexandra on Nov. 7, 2013 at 8:54 AM
Do what you have to do. Good luck.
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by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 7, 2013 at 12:57 PM

Same situation here. 
Trying to find a way out too.
Good luck to you mama.

by Lube Girl on Nov. 7, 2013 at 1:00 PM

Good  luck! I tossed the alcoholic out on his ass in 2010. No way I was living like that any longer.

by Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 2:24 PM
Sound like my ex, which ended in abuse. Followed by him trying to kill me for leaving. He's now spending the next six years in prison
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 7, 2013 at 5:43 PM

Do what you need to do!  I am in a similar boat.  My husband is a lazy alcoholic.  He puts all of us in danger and I am trying to figure out how to get out.  I don't have a job and only an associates degree and we live far from our family and don't have close friends here.  He is supposed to be getting help but he constantly lies to me.  I am most afraid of what my daughters will turn out like when they are older because of him.  I am worried they will have issues with men and relationships since their father is like that.  He has a high paying job, not a bum in that way.  But when he is here we are all miserable.  I hope it all works out for you soon (in whatever way will make you happy), I know how you feel.

by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:48 PM

Hello. First of all I just want to say that I am so sorry that your are going through this. I know first hand how it is. I was married to what I thought was a wonderful guy. When we were dating he was charming, smart, helpful, respectful, and we spent all our time together. I never doubted anything he said cause I had no reason to. Things changed once we were married. Things got worse when I was pregnant. I did not find out till after we were married that he spent time in prison, was heavily into drugs and alcohol that he hid from me, had another child with another woman that he did not take care of, and another child with a woman that he abused and almost tried to kill. Once I found out about all this he didn't even care. He thought it was just an invitation to do all these bad these in front of my face. He threatened me, beat me while I was pregnant, in and out of jail, cheated on me, stole money from me, stalked me at work, started to make up rumors about me so I sounded crazy just incase anything happened I would look like the crazy one. He up and left me and our children for a whole year without even telling us. Just vanished. Moved out of state and a year later came back with a fiance (while we were still married). He just did crazy, disrespectful, and horrible things to us. The fiance soon learned what kind of person he was and left. He tried to come back to me and when I wasn't having it he tried kidnapping our daughter, killing me, tried getting me fired at my job, break into my house, harrass all my friends. It was a nightmare. After all this I still tried to get him help. He would say yes and never show up to counseling. Never came to speak to my pastor. He would just disappear again. Like the other women on here I would see his name and picture in the paper for getting arrested for numerous things. He would always somehow find some poor girl to bail him out. Then he was arrested and made headlines in our state for being busted with a large amount of drugs that he smuggled through Mexico, illegal weapons, while driving a car with no tags, no license, unregistered car and etc. Soon after his heart started failing. Before we knew it he had gotten bit by a spider and because his heart was so weak he could not fight off the bite even with medication and he eventually passed away. I know this is a bit long. I just wanted you to see a little bit of what I went though. How much I tried to help him. None of it worked. You cannot help someone who does not want the help. Or someone who won't help himself. You are a mother and you have to do what is best for your children since they do not have a father that has their best interest at heart. My kids were affected by the way he treated me and had nightmares and they were scared to sleep at night thinking that he might find us and kill us. That is no way to live. I had a long road ahead of me to start the healing process for my children and we continue to work on it everyday. He was 33 and wasted his life away. No matter who tried to help him his partying, drugs, and alcohol controlled his life. I wish you the best of luck and I will pray for you and your family!!

by Anonymous 5 on Nov. 8, 2013 at 1:11 AM

staying together isn't always best. the fighting between you two and the bad behavior that he portrays only sets bad examples for your children. then children can tend to think that mommy and daddy dont get along bc its my fault and you don't want that. sometimes a better family dynamic can be achieved through separation

by New Member on Nov. 8, 2013 at 4:36 AM

I went thru that in my first marriage and after 4yrs of complete bs, I finally left

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