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She obviously doesn't mean anything to you, so GO AWAY.

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:01 PM
  • 13 Replies

I really need to vent...so bd and I have been broken up for almost two years (I left him at 12 weeks pregnant). Dd is one. Over the past year, he's tried getting back with me. Every time he begins his little act (I love you, I want to marry you, you're my wife), he would always come around more to "visit" dd, which usually ended up with him making move on me, me turning him down, then him storming out. He wouldn't ask about dd for weeks, wouldn't see her for months, and the next time he would come to see her, he would do the same thing over again.

Recently, however, he's begun doing something different. When I turn him down, he will threaten court and restraining orders against me, accuse me of neglecting dd (this little girl is absolutely loved, pampered, and in no way neglected), and call me all sorts of horrible names. Before turning him down? He has nothing to say about dd. 

This past time, after threatening court and restraining orders, he tried talking to me again. I decided to be FRIENDLY, but not give in and take him back. Friendly as in taking a family photo for Thanksgiving and taking dd to visit him at his new apartment. After thanksgiving, he didn't ask about dd. I was the one offering to have him see her. His excuse not to come to my house to see her? His tags were expired. So I took her over twice, and he still hadn't gotten his tags (car is under his moms name, said he has to wait for her to send them). Last time he saw her was Dec 20th, at his apartment.

Hasnt asked to see her, hasn't asked about her, nothing. He made advances yesterday, and I got fed up with him. I told him I deserved better, that he's an emotionally and borederline physically abusive jerk, and that I will not subject myself to his torture anymore. He didn't respond.

Today, I Facebook stalked him. Bad, I know. But I did. His mother is an AMAZING grandma, sadly she lives 8 hours away. She posted pictures of dd and tagged him in them. What did he do? Why, he untagged himself! His photos are filled with him at parties, him with countless amounts of women, alcohol, with MAYBE five photos of dd. Out of hundreds. 

I don't think I'm thinking clear, but to me it seems like he's only trying to come around to have ME, not dd. Either that or he wants off child support, which he's asked me to take him off of multiple times because it's "not fair" to him.  Not happening buddy. You can't butter me up enough to get me to do that. Give up your rights, then when or IF I get married in the future, my husband may adopt dd, THEN you're free of child support. 

by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 6:01 PM
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Replies (1-10):
anotherhalf
by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 7:29 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you are seeing things very clearly. 

brittybby2010
by Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 8:02 PM

I think so too..it angers me so much. I'd rather him just disappear, not play this in and out act that he has been. I don't want him. He doesn't get it.

Quoting anotherhalf:

I think you are seeing things very clearly. 


Willie24622
by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this

Just to protect yourself please keep a written journal of all of this. Include dates/times and as much detail as possible. You may even want to go as far as installing a nanny cam in your home for his visits just to give yourself a little more credibility. You obviously have a great handle on the situation emotionally. But you don't want him to start using DD as a pawn even more. God forbid he actually get some sort of physical custody in the future things could get really bad for her really quickly. Good luck with all of this! You are doing an amazing job and you do deserve way better. 

isaacsmommy68
by on Dec. 31, 2013 at 11:58 AM

I would also NOT be alone with him, especially at his appartment.

starfire59
by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 12:03 PM

 I totally agree with keeping the journal. My son went through the same thing with his ex and I suggested the journal but I went one step further and had him keep a picture journal also of his house, stocked cabinets anything she could make a problem with. In the end he won custody. Good luck.

Quoting Willie24622:

Just to protect yourself please keep a written journal of all of this. Include dates/times and as much detail as possible. You may even want to go as far as installing a nanny cam in your home for his visits just to give yourself a little more credibility. You obviously have a great handle on the situation emotionally. But you don't want him to start using DD as a pawn even more. God forbid he actually get some sort of physical custody in the future things could get really bad for her really quickly. Good luck with all of this! You are doing an amazing job and you do deserve way better. 

 

malibucj
by on Dec. 31, 2013 at 12:04 PM

Document everything! My soon to be ex husband does the same thing of threatening me with court and saying I'm an unfit mother when he doesn't get his way. Do not let him blackmail you into anything.  If he does anything, be prepared to fight tooth and nail. Mine was trying to get additional time with our son and was giving me until a certain date to decide or he was taking me to court. 2 days before his "deadline" he left bruises on our son.  Needless to say, he is now under investigation with cps and I am taking him to court to keep away from our son.  If he takes you to court, just know that to prove you're unfit, he has to have proof. If you're a good mother, then he doesn't have that.

If I were you, I would cut off all ties with dad, and only communicate with him, when he communicates with you. Good Luck!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 31, 2013 at 12:20 PM

I think yoiu are seeing things clearly I would allow grandma to still be a part of her life, but I would no longer go out of my way to encourage or force him to see her. Keep journals and take screen shots of his photos. You will need all the evidence incase he gets froggy in a few months or few years.

brittybby2010
by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 12:21 PM

I blame myself for picking him. He's addicted to alcohol and cocaine (when we first got together I was told that drugs were in his past and he rarely drank). I want to do all I can to make sure he's never alone with her. He's told me himself that he would let her do whatever she wants. She, as all one year olds, is getting into everything. Sometimes I let her figure out what to do in certain situations, such as when she crawls under the table. Mostly, however, I'm very watchful and will redirect her away from dangerous things. 

He says she will learn. Uh, you think letting her drink toilet bowl cleaner will teach her anything? No! It'll put her in the ER. She's had constipation since she's been off formula. Doctor isn't concerned and says to just give her miralax until she regulates. I did that, and she was going just fine. She got some sort of bug and had diarrhea for three days, so I held off on the miralax until she was better. Once the diarrhea stopped, constipation hit again. I had informed him of what happened, and his response? "You should have kept her on the miralax!" 

"She would have ended up dehydrated and in the hospital."

"Riiiight dude. You never listen to me." 

He was abused as a child, saw his mom got her nose broken by his father, grew up doing drugs, partying, sleeping around...so not the best childhood. Once I found out I was pregnant, he didn't want anyone to know. My parents were first to know, and he and I fought on the way to my house to tell them. He didn't want to go. Too f***ing bad. After they were told I posted it on Facebook. He got mad, saying that I wasn't even sure I was pregnant. Yeah, I was sure. The positive line was so strong it took ink from the control line. 

Then came time to tell HIS family. The only person that knew was his cousin that had just had an abortion. One day, about a week after finding out, I was at his aunts visitng him (He lived with her). His cousin came to sit with us, and he asked her "Where did you get your abortion pills?" 

"Oh there's a clinic just down the road."

He turns to me and says "I can take you and I'll pay for it. Hahahaha."

Who JOKES about abortions? Doesn't matter if you're for them or not, it's not a joking matter. I screamed at him that I would never abort, that I promised myself that if I ever got pregnant that I would step up and keep it. 

After rejecting abortion, he tells me that he didn't want his mom to know I was pregnant. Said it would have stressed her out. I ignored him and told her because he would have never said a thing. She was OVERJOYED. 

THEN he didn't want to tell his aunt because she would kick him out. His cousin let it slip, and guess what? His aunt offered to throw me a baby shower. 

Sorry for the story...I'm just so angry. He's the type of person that would go for custody even though he doesn't want it, just to get back at me. I know dd would be neglected and abused in his care...

Quoting Willie24622:

Just to protect yourself please keep a written journal of all of this. Include dates/times and as much detail as possible. You may even want to go as far as installing a nanny cam in your home for his visits just to give yourself a little more credibility. You obviously have a great handle on the situation emotionally. But you don't want him to start using DD as a pawn even more. God forbid he actually get some sort of physical custody in the future things could get really bad for her really quickly. Good luck with all of this! You are doing an amazing job and you do deserve way better. 


brittybby2010
by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 12:24 PM

That's what I'm doing. He really only comes to see her for maybe an hour,  even on his days off, just to take pictures and send them to people, just to look good. I fear for DDs life if she is to ever be with him alone. I don't send pictures, no updates anymore, and if he goes away, awesome. He won't have proof that I deny visitation because I don't. I just don't force it. 

Quoting malibucj:

Document everything! My soon to be ex husband does the same thing of threatening me with court and saying I'm an unfit mother when he doesn't get his way. Do not let him blackmail you into anything.  If he does anything, be prepared to fight tooth and nail. Mine was trying to get additional time with our son and was giving me until a certain date to decide or he was taking me to court. 2 days before his "deadline" he left bruises on our son.  Needless to say, he is now under investigation with cps and I am taking him to court to keep away from our son.  If he takes you to court, just know that to prove you're unfit, he has to have proof. If you're a good mother, then he doesn't have that.

If I were you, I would cut off all ties with dad, and only communicate with him, when he communicates with you. Good Luck!!


Pnukey
by Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 12:27 PM


Quoting brittybby2010:


I don't think I'm thinking clear, but to me it seems like he's only trying to come around to have ME, not dd. Either that or he wants off child support, which he's asked me to take him off of multiple times because it's "not fair" to him.  Not happening buddy. You can't butter me up enough to get me to do that. Give up your rights, then when or IF I get married in the future, my husband may adopt dd, THEN you're free of child support. 

Nailed it!

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