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Am I wrong to ask this of my husband

Posted by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 9:51 PM
  • 24 Replies

OK, I am new to this group, but I have to vent about this. My husband and I have been separated for 16 months. In October he asks if we can try to reconcile our marriage. We have been married 15 years, yes I still deeply love him, so I was excited. He had a semi relationship with another woman for the past year. He thinks it ok that she follows him on Facebook, that she likes everything he posts, and he still chats with her. I don't think its right. If it were someone that he was totally friends with before, I honestly wouldn't mind. But I don't feel comfortable with him chatting with her. He says they are just friends and he has no feelings for her. Today, I asked that he stop chatting with her or remove her from his friends list. I wouldn't do this to him. I wouldn't chat with a man that I have had a relationship with knowing we were trying to reconcile our marriage. Is this wrong of me to feel this way or not? Please tell me what you think. He got mad and deleted his Facebook. Yes I'm glad about that, but I know that soon he will throw it in my face that its my fault.

by on Dec. 30, 2013 at 9:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
offrdngal
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 10:01 PM
3 moms liked this
No, you were not wrong. You should never have had to aske, in the first place. What good did he think would come from continuing any kind of relationship with her. Does he think he can "hace his cake..and eat it too"?

supermom9256
by New Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 10:04 PM

Thanks for the reply. I feel that he's waiting for something to happen between us so he has her available. In the years before our separation, he would have never acted this way.

nanny1918
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 10:05 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm not sure what a semi relationship is . . .
No, you are not wrong. If he throws it in your face later, there is more going on then he is telling you.
I wish you well.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 30, 2013 at 10:09 PM
4 moms liked this
Nope. Deleting his FB was the best thing he could do for the relationship. If he's not willing to give up that friendship, his not ready to reconcile. The person who is at fault has to put in the work to prove that they want to make things work not pretend that things are okay and continue their double life, no way! You did the right thing.
offrdngal
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 10:09 PM
1 mom liked this
So, you are "ole reliable" and she is "what if". Do you really want to play this game? Do you always want to wonder if she's still simmering on the back burner. Do you honestly believe that he has or will give her up ( this a question that you need to think about).
Quoting supermom9256:

Thanks for the reply. I feel that he's waiting for something to happen between us so he has her available. In the years before our separation, he would have never acted this way.

offrdngal
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 10:12 PM
1 mom liked this
I have mixed thoughts about hin deleting the fb page. Maybe it's just my natural mistrust of people, but I can't help but think about how easy it is to make a fake fb page.
Quoting Anonymous: Nope. Deleting his FB was the best thing he could do for the relationship. If he's not willing to give up that friendship, his not ready to reconcile. The person who is at fault has to put in the work to prove that they want to make things work not pretend that things are okay and continue their double life, no way! You did the right thing.

GloryDaze
by Bronze Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 10:15 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think you were wrong to ask him to stop all communication with the woman he was having a relationship with during your 16 month separation. I think it is common sense that the other woman is trying to play innocent as if she just wants to be friends to keep the door open with him so that if any tiny little blip in your relationship happens to pop up she probably told him that they can talk as friends and then of course she will instigate and sabotage your relationship by being the "friendly voice" in his ear.

I can't imagine any decent woman wanting to remain friends with any man she had relations with after he has returned to his wife to try and work on his marriage unless she has a secret agenda to sabotage the efforts of the marriage...... you should tell that to your husband.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 30, 2013 at 10:22 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes, I thought that too and don't put you're guard down on that, if he's trying to keep in touch with her than that's plain ol disrespectful.
My hubby was bffing with a coworker and at first I didn't care til I saw his phone buzzing and buzzing with notifications on everything she did, that straight up pissed me off. So I confront him and his response is "I wouldn't disrespect her like that" What?!!!!! Are you effing kidding me! He wouldn't disrespect her, her? What the hell am I than. Men get crushes and don't know how to act right, that's why you gotta keep an eye on them because women, being the smarter being and all can tell when is guy is crushing and these home wreckers use that to their advantage, even if they're not really that interested in him.

Quoting offrdngal: I have mixed thoughts about hin deleting the fb page. Maybe it's just my natural mistrust of people, but I can't help but think about how easy it is to make a fake fb page.

Quoting Anonymous: Nope. Deleting his FB was the best thing he could do for the relationship. If he's not willing to give up that friendship, his not ready to reconcile. The person who is at fault has to put in the work to prove that they want to make things work not pretend that things are okay and continue their double life, no way! You did the right thing.
supermom9256
by New Member on Dec. 30, 2013 at 10:57 PM

Thank you all. I agree that she is trying to be the friendly voice waiting for something to happen so she can sabotage our marriage. I've tried talking to him this evening, but he "doesn't want to talk". I decided when he asked to reconcile our marriage that I wasn't letting mu guard down. I've trusted him through our whole marriage until now. I am at my wits end with this. Thanks again for all of your replies.

mysticalmalissa
by Silver Member on Dec. 31, 2013 at 6:56 AM

I hope things work out for you.

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