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Should he find the babysitter (for once)?

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 8:19 AM
  • 18 Replies

We have this situation where I really wanted kids and told him that before we were engaged. He did not want kids but said OK, and now says I bullied him into having kids because "what was I going to do, leave?" 

There were other discussions about it later, he insists he told me that he was going to do nothing at all. I swear all he said was he did not want me to hand him the kids at 5pm after working all day because I had had them all day by myself. No problem, I never meant to do that and never did anything like it. But he has done just about zero in terms of child care. Kids are 10 and 6. 

He's now saying that he is his own person, not my property, and that I should be happy with whatever he wants to give me (in terms of his time and doing things together), not according to my expectations or demands, because I don't own him. He also says absence makes the heart grow fonder, and don't people get sick of each other when they spend a lot of time together. 

This is his reasoning for spontaneously staying at work drinking till 9pm with his buddy instead of coming home to be with me. And for going on a Saturday at noon to a different (single) buddy's house and staying till 10 pm then coming home drunk. I am always left by myself at home with the kids. We have not gone out anywhere together since June 15, our anniversary, and before that it was the previous June. 

So he just got an invitation to a housewarming for a work colleague. I am thinking house = family, right? I also know they have a baby.  He is saying he is going with or without me, and if I want to go I better find a babysitter. But I am not allowed to pay for it because his guitar is in the shop being repaired and he wants it back, before we spend any "extra" money on a babysitter. It is this Saturday afternoon, and he just told me last night. I have no family in the area. So the options are his brother, but he will not do the calling. Or I could trade with a friend, but he is not willing to have anyone else's kids in his house, I would be responsible for going over to their house I guess to repay the favor, if I can find anyone.

I kinda feel that this relationship is not balanced. He is not a partner. I feel like he is getting the benefits of sex and of companionship whenever he wants them, which is much less than what I want, so I often feel lonely. I have ALL of the responsibility for the kids. I work at home so I can take them to and from school. I do all the cooking and shopping and bills. 

He is angry because he says my expectations are off and he is going to be the person he is, and does not want to deal with my disappointment all the time, I do not own him and cant tell him what to do. 

What should I do?

by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 8:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 10:37 AM
2 moms liked this

Hello wake up I keep reading some of these posts from u ladies and for Gods sake grow some balls already ! If a man loved u he would not be pulling this shit your man wants out ! Time to start worrying about your self and kids good luck .

by Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:35 AM

Divorce him. You expect him to be a husband, which he clearly cannot handle. You are taking care of your children by yourself now. You don't need him.

by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 8, 2014 at 11:49 AM
4 moms liked this

 Ok, first there are some major red flags here.

1. I am my own person and screw you if you don't like it.

2. I didn't/don't want the kids and I am blaming you for having sex with me and getting pregnant.

3. I have decided I am now a "free man" and you have NO say in ANYTHING.

4. I am going out partying but since I can't outright tell you NO I don't want you to come, I will make it near impossible for you to go.

5. I will brush off ANY and ALL feelings you have because you don't matter to me as much as I matter too ME.

Your dh has decide to move on without you and kiddos, you need to make sure to get a support system together because your dh has 1 foot out the door.

When someone loves you they do not treat you like crap under their shoe

Im sorry and I wish you and your kids the best of luck and Blessings.

by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 8, 2014 at 12:43 PM
by on Jan. 8, 2014 at 12:44 PM

Sounds to me like he is feeling some strong urges to go run his dick off in someone else, and might have already. Why do you put up with any of this? Do you make enough money to support yourself? He is basically telling you that he doesn't want to be married. You can either take it, or leave it....I would leave it!

by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 8, 2014 at 1:30 PM

Dump his @ss!

by Silver Member on Jan. 8, 2014 at 8:14 PM

I know it's complicated and very scary but I would be making plans to leave. Sounds like he's not much of a father to them anyway.

by Bronze Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 1:08 AM

say bye bye.. he is his own man, remember.. he doesnt want or need a family. dump his ass.

by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 9, 2014 at 1:15 AM

Your first paragraph says it - We have this situation where I really wanted kids and told him that before we were engaged. He did not want kids but said ok.

Yes he said ok, but the fact still remains that he told you up front before you were engaged that he did not want kids.  Did you think that would change after you had a couple of kids?    I've seen this so many times and it never works out.  You need to sit down and think about how you are going to handle this.  My suggesstion is to start working on a plan to get out of the marriage with your  kids. I will bet you that you are going to have to fight him to get child support. Since he did not want them he will not give you a penny until court ordered.

I'm not trying to bash you or take sides, but going by what I have seen friends go through.  Get ready for the fight of your life. He's going top try to use it against you that he told you he did not want kids and you now have 2. If you decide to leave, before you go out the door gather copies of all the financial information you can find.  Paystubs, bank statements, credit card statements.  You may have to prove how much money and debt existed on the day you walk out, in order for the court to set child support.

Good Luck.

by Member on Jan. 9, 2014 at 8:31 AM

You have way more issues than whose turn it is to find a babysitter.

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