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When I am a Mother-In-Law/Grandmother....

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 32 Replies
2 moms liked this

I will always offer to bring food or other items when I visit, but if my offer is refused, I will accept that.  I will never bring it upon myself to show up with a carload of junk food.

I will always offer to help out around the house when visiting, but if my offer is refused, I will accept that.  I will never bring it upon myself to clean out their oven, wash their underwear, etc., without either asking or being asked.

I will not take it upon myself to prepare meals unless I have asked or been asked to do so.  I will not defrost a ham large enough to feed 10 for no apparent reason, then leave it in the hands of my DIL to figure out what to do with it when she only has to feed herself, her husband and 2 small children.

When babysitting (which I will do when necessary and feasible) I will follow the house rules.  If I am asked specifically to do (or not do) something, it will be done (or not done) as requested.  Of course, small exceptions may be made (such as slipping my grandson a chocolate bar or letting my granddaughter stay up a little later to read an extra story).  However if my grandson gets wired and won't sleep if given sugar I won't offer him a chocolate bar 1/2 hour before bedtime. 

If I say I am coming to visit, I will have enough respect for my child/in-law and grandchildren to call in the event that I cannot come (or in the event that I will be arriving several hours late) so that my 3 year old grandson will not stand by the front window for 2 hours waiting for Grandma to come.

That is all.  For now.  

What would you add to this list?

I post this anonymously in order to protect the identity of those people whose behavior has made this vent necessary, and of course to avoid the repercussions should certain people recognize themselves in this post.  

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 16, 2014 at 11:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mindful23
by Maylene on Jan. 17, 2014 at 4:28 AM
I will bite my tongue in order not to start an argument, because i know better than them.
LClark1973
by Member on Jan. 17, 2014 at 5:56 AM
2 moms liked this

I will not be a total control freak bitch, that has to have the last word in  every stage of my son, and DIL's life. 

myempyreofdirt
by Member on Jan. 17, 2014 at 6:11 AM
4 moms liked this
I will make time for my grandchildren. ALL of them.
KatLee42513
by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 6:16 AM
1 mom liked this
Ahh to each their own. I'm an only child and I used to think like this but now that in getting older I'm realizing that my parents means well. Free food is always on the table :). Even if I can't fit it in my fridge/freezer I'll find a way to make it fit. I find this post rather immature and I have a feeling you are a young but that's OK. I hope your perspective changes as you get older. So much in life fret about & none of these are really very important. Sounds petty.
FinchsMommy
by Member on Jan. 17, 2014 at 7:21 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting KatLee42513: Ahh to each their own. I'm an only child and I used to think like this but now that in getting older I'm realizing that my parents means well. Free food is always on the table :). Even if I can't fit it in my fridge/freezer I'll find a way to make it fit. I find this post rather immature and I have a feeling you are a young but that's OK. I hope your perspective changes as you get older. So much in life fret about & none of these are really very important. Sounds petty.


I disagree that it's petty.

The broader sense of the post is that as a MIL, OP will respect the boundaries established by being told "No" by her DS and DIL.

Not all children want their parents in their lives to that extent. Some want space. Space to manage their families and space to manage their lives.

Good for OP to identify what she will and will not do as a MIL/GP. This will make for a great future relationship with her children when they have kids of their own. Because "No" is a complete sentence and OP plans to respect that.
KatLee42513
by on Jan. 17, 2014 at 7:44 AM
I guess you missed the first sentence I wrote. To each their own. I don't see this as an issue. I got more to worry about (as do many others) then another or not my mom drops off a ham

Quoting FinchsMommy:
Quoting KatLee42513: Ahh to each their own. I'm an only child and I used to think like this but now that in getting older I'm realizing that my parents means well. Free food is always on the table :). Even if I can't fit it in my fridge/freezer I'll find a way to make it fit. I find this post rather immature and I have a feeling you are a young but that's OK. I hope your perspective changes as you get older. So much in life fret about & none of these are really very important. Sounds petty.




I disagree that it's petty.



The broader sense of the post is that as a MIL, OP will respect the boundaries established by being told "No" by her DS and DIL.



Not all children want their parents in their lives to that extent. Some want space. Space to manage their families and space to manage their lives.



Good for OP to identify what she will and will not do as a MIL/GP. This will make for a great future relationship with her children when they have kids of their own. Because "No" is a complete sentence and OP plans to respect that.
FinchsMommy
by Member on Jan. 17, 2014 at 7:58 AM
1 mom liked this
No, I didn't miss it. I agree that we can all live our lives how we see fit. I say that saying as well. However, I didn't agree that her points were petty.

You're right that well have our worries and our road to travel, but OP mapping out how she will or will not be as a MIL is a good thing.

And I have to say there is definitely a difference between a Mom dropping off a ham and a MIL/Mom picking one out, thawing it and forcing you to do something with it. Cooking a 10lb ham for two grown adults and two small children is an abuse of food in my book. Things that size are usually saved for a meal where there are 8-10 people to serve. Once you defrost it, it doesn't go back in the freezer. Besides the potential waste it removed the persons choice of meal. Why do that?

Dropping off or preparing meals being acceptable depends on the givers intent. If trying to help, one should ask. I mean how hard is it to say, "hey DIL was making some casserole I have enough for two. Would you like one?" But defrosting someone's 10lb ham, which could have been ear-marked for a special occasion is overboard.

Quoting KatLee42513: I guess you missed the first sentence I wrote. To each their own. I don't see this as an issue. I got more to worry about (as do many others) then another or not my mom drops off a ham

Quoting FinchsMommy:
Quoting KatLee42513: Ahh to each their own. I'm an only child and I used to think like this but now that in getting older I'm realizing that my parents means well. Free food is always on the table :). Even if I can't fit it in my fridge/freezer I'll find a way to make it fit. I find this post rather immature and I have a feeling you are a young but that's OK. I hope your perspective changes as you get older. So much in life fret about & none of these are really very important. Sounds petty.


I disagree that it's petty.

The broader sense of the post is that as a MIL, OP will respect the boundaries established by being told "No" by her DS and DIL.

Not all children want their parents in their lives to that extent. Some want space. Space to manage their families and space to manage their lives.

Good for OP to identify what she will and will not do as a MIL/GP. This will make for a great future relationship with her children when they have kids of their own. Because "No" is a complete sentence and OP plans to respect that.
MethuenMom
by Member on Jan. 17, 2014 at 8:12 AM

 If you're not appreciated for what you do you can come over to my house and be my MIL and grandmother to my kids!

When I am a MIL and grandmother I plan on cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids at their home!  I don't think I could help myself.  :)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 17, 2014 at 8:19 AM
1 mom liked this

I do know that my MIL means well.  She has a good heart, but really just doesn't think things through.  I know that she (most likely) doesn't intend to be disrespectful of me, however when she consistently ignores my requests I can't help but feel exactly that.  May seem petty to you, but it isn't to me.

Quoting KatLee42513: Ahh to each their own. I'm an only child and I used to think like this but now that in getting older I'm realizing that my parents means well. Free food is always on the table :). Even if I can't fit it in my fridge/freezer I'll find a way to make it fit. I find this post rather immature and I have a feeling you are a young but that's OK. I hope your perspective changes as you get older. So much in life fret about & none of these are really very important. Sounds petty.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 17, 2014 at 8:25 AM
1 mom liked this

You hit the nail on the head!  On New Years Eve she was visiting and asked what DH and I were doing for New Years Day dinner.  My DH answered that we weren't doing anything special.  The next morning I went to pop something in the microwave and found the ham, mostly defrosted, sitting there.  So, I had to make a ham that day, with most of it going to waste since we aren't big ham people and had been saving it for when we had company.

Quoting FinchsMommy: No, I didn't miss it. I agree that we can all live our lives how we see fit. I say that saying as well. However, I didn't agree that her points were petty.

You're right that well have our worries and our road to travel, but OP mapping out how she will or will not be as a MIL is a good thing.

And I have to say there is definitely a difference between a Mom dropping off a ham and a MIL/Mom picking one out, thawing it and forcing you to do something with it. Cooking a 10lb ham for two grown adults and two small children is an abuse of food in my book. Things that size are usually saved for a meal where there are 8-10 people to serve. Once you defrost it, it doesn't go back in the freezer. Besides the potential waste it removed the persons choice of meal. Why do that?

Dropping off or preparing meals being acceptable depends on the givers intent. If trying to help, one should ask. I mean how hard is it to say, "hey DIL was making some casserole I have enough for two. Would you like one?" But defrosting someone's 10lb ham, which could have been ear-marked for a special occasion is overboard.

Quoting KatLee42513: I guess you missed the first sentence I wrote. To each their own. I don't see this as an issue. I got more to worry about (as do many others) then another or not my mom drops off a ham

Quoting FinchsMommy:
Quoting KatLee42513: Ahh to each their own. I'm an only child and I used to think like this but now that in getting older I'm realizing that my parents means well. Free food is always on the table :). Even if I can't fit it in my fridge/freezer I'll find a way to make it fit. I find this post rather immature and I have a feeling you are a young but that's OK. I hope your perspective changes as you get older. So much in life fret about & none of these are really very important. Sounds petty.


I disagree that it's petty.

The broader sense of the post is that as a MIL, OP will respect the boundaries established by being told "No" by her DS and DIL.

Not all children want their parents in their lives to that extent. Some want space. Space to manage their families and space to manage their lives.

Good for OP to identify what she will and will not do as a MIL/GP. This will make for a great future relationship with her children when they have kids of their own. Because "No" is a complete sentence and OP plans to respect that.


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