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Need advice,relationship is in a rut.please help.

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 8:31 PM
  • 9 Replies

Hello:) My name is Tish, im 25, from Oklahoma, i have 4 kids from previous relationships, almost a year ago i met RJ, we met online and started talking on the phone,text,skype, etc. quickly fell in love. We have been together since may and living together since july. Everything was perfect for awhile and although im still in the first stage, wanting affection and closeness, it seems hes not and it hurts,i thought i could ignore it until last night when i couldnt stop from crying. I couldnt tell you the last time we held hands,cuddled, have no clue when he last touched my arm or back just cause. Weve kissed maybe twice in the past week. The only time we get close or touch is when we get sexual. Its like we're just roommates, ive tried talking to him about it and he told me hed work on it,its only gotten worse. idk what to do, it hurts i feel like he doesnt want me, or something. and i dont wanna push the issue anymore cause i want him to WANT to be close to me and not just because i say something. I guess im coming here today for some advice. any?  idk i just cant keep hurting, cant keep hiding the tears. One other thing, a few months ago i accidentaly came across an email of his that lead me to a dating site and he had sent messages to girls after we got together!i was hurt, cried for days but idk how to bring it up without everything falling apart, i deleted all his accounts on dating sites that i found on his laptop but im terrified he'll do it again. Also i seen in our phone he had texted an ex and another girl on halloween night while i was taking the kids trick or treating. I was in a rut and made the decision to change and treat him better and do better at making him happy, i thought if i just did that then it would kinda fix itself but im constantly scared hes gonna look for someone else or contact an ex or just isnt happy. I thought it would be selfish to bring it up cause it will end up hurting both of us in order to make me feel better.idk what to do about it though, i thought he would be the one man thats different from all my past bf's i believed hed never do anything like that to hurt me, now my whole image of him is distorted. How do i forgive and forget? i just wish i never knew. My heart hurts so bad.

by on Jan. 16, 2014 at 8:31 PM
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Replies (1-9):
by Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 10:25 PM
Sounds like a cheater! Sounds like my ex! Being very distant at first then finding stuff. Don't go looking for stuff cause you will fine it. I had all my ex passwords and my heart would beat hard whenever I began to look!! It was devastating !! I stopped cause I realized it was the only way I was gonna move on. It's a terrible feeling and I'm still trying to move on.
by Member on Jan. 16, 2014 at 10:29 PM
Frankly, this relationship is too new to be in a rut. If you are already struggling it is likely that it isn't one for the long haul. You should really still be in the honeymoon phase. Either way, you have to look at the big picture: if this is who he is, is it enough for you?
by Member on Jan. 19, 2014 at 1:27 PM
1 mom liked this
There is a woman u should look up Rorie Ray. She sends emails out on how to keep your man close ect. She tells a story & gives some advice and then ofcourse offers a book for sell. I've never bought anything but i always read what she posts and I usually get tips I can use on communicating w my spouse.
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 19, 2014 at 7:15 PM

You don't forgive or move on.

by New Member on Jan. 25, 2014 at 3:57 PM

thank you everyone, i finally talked to him about it and he apologized for not showing affection and said hes just a guy that guys think differently and i have to pretty much tell him straight up what to do otherwise hell think everythings fine lol so hes trying and as for the other stuff, still havent said anything i think ill just keep it to myself for a bit, he commited to doing "the love dare" we are on day 2 so as long as i get the affection and love i can forgive and forget the other and move past it. I was in a really bad place when i was on here last but i need to learn to talk to him before letting things get to me too bad(certain things). He didntget mad at me or resentful, or think im being pushy or needy like my exes would have, he sincerely felt bad i could tell, thats why i dont wanna bring up the other, i know hell feel really bad and we'll both be hurting, i can take the load for both of us as long as i dont see any signs of him still doing it...thank you all for advice and your opinions!

by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2014 at 10:03 PM

something I had to realize in my relationship... if you want it you have to say it. you can't just wait for it to fall in your lap.. not gonna happen. guys are just different... I used to get mad at my ex all the time cuz he wasn't this romantic type and just randomly do sweet things like hug or kiss me or hold my hand... but I had to realize that maybe in the beginning he was like taht.. but thats just not who he is.. once you get all that figured out, and then you pursue what you want, you maybe can be a little happier.

by on Jan. 26, 2014 at 6:17 PM
Your not married why are u putting up with all this?
by Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 7:47 PM

be glad your not married dump and move on

by on Jan. 27, 2014 at 7:58 PM

You started out a relationship  face to face with a man in May and set up housekeeping together in July? You also have four children "from previous relationships".   Are you crazy?   End it.  Then try living alone for at least one year before you get "involved" with anyone.  When you do meet a man that you feel is a good partner that cares about you, wait another 6 months before you take it to another level. 

If I were single again, I would not trust another man around my youngest  child who lives at home -- and he is a 20 year former football player who works out at the gym regularly.  Just sayin....

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