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Stop calling yourself a SINGLE MOM!

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2014 at 6:15 AM
  • 91 Replies
1 mom liked this
I don't know if any of you feel this way or not, but I think there is a big difference between a "single mom", and a mom that happens to be single. IMO, a mom who is divorced or simply not in a romantic relationship with her child's/children's bio father, but has help or involvement from the dad is NOT a true blue SINGLE MOTHER, in a matter of the specific meaning behind the label. To me, a single mom is one who has zero presence of the dad/A dad in her life, or her kid's life, meaning he is deceased or MIA since the birth or shortly after. My point is, some moms I have heard chatting with someone they are just getting to know or making small talk with present themselves as "single mom", with a weary tone, implying that they are struggling through each day, just trying to survive. They always get the reaction they want, being one of sympathy and admiration. Don't get me wrong, being a mom on your own 100% or one who shares the parenting with a dad living elsewhere are both difficult. BUT if you are a divorcee who gets two huge checks (cs and alimony) each month, and has a person to co-parent and share in half of the time and responsibility with, then DONT CRY FOR ME, ARGENTINA are a MOM who is happily SINGLE. Maggie Gellynhall in "Won't Back Down" is a SINGLE MOTHER.
by on Jan. 27, 2014 at 6:15 AM
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by Hush.Breathe.Relax on Jan. 27, 2014 at 6:38 AM
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by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 6:41 AM
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To me, a single mom is a mom who was/is not married to the father of the child or children, regardless of their relationship status.  If they were married and are now divorced, then she is a divorced mom.  If they were married and he kicked the bucket, then she is a widowed mom.

by on Jan. 27, 2014 at 6:49 AM
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To me a single mom is a mom who is single for whatever reason.

Sometimes dealing with a belligerent or inconsistent father is actually worse. Cs does not always cover the true cost of the child.

You could flip some of this as a result.

IF you are not dealing with an argumentative interfering ex who has you in and out of court, interferes with your parenting, tries to bribe your child away from you.... Has a new wife who is intent on replacing you and doesn't mind fucking with your child's head to do so... And who occasionally refuses to return your child....You have it pretty damn easy.

That's not my situation. But given the choice between extremes, I would choose the situation without cs or alimony and without interference. It is far easier. I can always make more money and gather up friend and family support.

So, sorry, but I disagree both with your definition and your assertion that one is somehow easier just because of money and visitation.
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 27, 2014 at 6:56 AM
9 moms liked this
Are you a single mom, OP? You sound bitter.
by Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 7:19 AM

If a mum is in a relationship (any type of relationship) is she still a single mum?? To me if they have been in a relationship for 2 years, she isn't a single mum, not if he is supporting her in other ways.. 

I would think that a single mum is someone who is on their own and not in a long term relationship, whether they are living together or not. I know someone who is always looking for sympathy and uses the phrase ' you know my situation', and I respond with ' you are not the only single mum in the world, and you have M to help you'.

by on Jan. 27, 2014 at 9:21 AM

I have been a single mom (by your definition), a married mom, a legally separated mom and a widowed mom. There really isn't a lot of difference in my situation. I didn't have much of a support system in any of them. By far, the widowed mom has been the most peaceful (for me, not the kids) and I finally get some financial support.

by on Jan. 27, 2014 at 11:02 AM
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to me a single mom is a mom who isnt married or living with the dad

by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 11:09 AM
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I'm a single mother. just cuz I receive anything from the father doesn't change that fact. I still raise her on my own.

by on Jan. 27, 2014 at 11:23 AM

A single mother to me is the one carrying the workload of the child and is a part from the father of the child. DD's father was military and gone for 4 years of her life and 2 of them I wasa single mother. He was gone, I was responsible a measly 200 a month was NOT coparenting. I am now married to someone else and I do NOT consider myself a single mom now.

by Member on Jan. 27, 2014 at 11:26 AM
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Well when you aren't married you are technically single. When you have a child you are a mom. So that would equate to single mom.
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