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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

The final nail in the coffin of a father/ son relationship

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 12:51 AM
  • 48 Replies
1 mom liked this
I received a frantic phone call from my ex's female ( platonic) roommate this afternoon telling me that ex was arrested for beating the crap out of her last night.

In a wavering, shaky voice, she tells me every detail.... Leaving nothing out.....Starting with the alcohol binge he had before he came home.

He is a career alcoholic....The only thing he's been good at. The MINOR good news is no one will post bail. She has no friends here and I told her to pack up and come here ASAP. I refuse to let her go back to Fla. Until trial.

It's important that for once he just absolutely has to face up to who he has become.
The police wanted to document all injuries and get a statement and get the restraining order before driving her to the ER themselves for x rays, and full medical report.

SO, I'm trying to explain to my lovely son what has happened. I spare him details but I tell him the what and who and that Miss
"B"will be coming to stay with us for awhile and what to expect her to look like ( preparation).

My fourteen yr old horrified son covered his face with his hands ...wet cheeks,and he whispers
" mom? Thank you for getting us out of there before I was born"

In a child's only way to deal right now is passive aggressive so he blocked his father from FB. His relationship with his father is dead now. He wants to have some loyalty, I can tell..... But he knows it isn't there on either side.

Now he is just wandering the house in a zoned out state and this is where you leave them to their thoughts ?

I told him he was to be careful in case ex DID get out and came to school and tried to check him out or convince him to go with him instead of the bus.... That ex had nothing to lose at this point and may try to take him and I could not handle that.

I knew ex had a violent streak, but if I told you what he did????? It's sickening.

I just want her here, in my home so she will feel less likely panic and drop charges or not show up for the hearing.

I hate him now, many years if dislike ... It's hate now.
My son has been further broken, another person has been physically broken.

I am done. This is why we never wanted our CS/ custody/ visitation in the court system at all . I would not get child support anyway. Well played on my part....My son has full rights to refuse to see him and I can also bar any communication.


It's heartbreaking for my son.

But when I tucked him in, I told him that I was sorry his. " first" dad is what he is.

My son answered into his pillow. "Well, I think I'm just going to cut that tumor out."

Ironically, that's something ex would say....

Blech.
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 12:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 5, 2014 at 12:53 AM
I'm very sorry this is happening...but you still tuck your 14 year old son in bed? Jc.
Momofmenagerie
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:23 AM
4 moms liked this
I will tuck him in every night. A simple prayer and kiss on the cheek. It makes sure lights are turned off and the most important thoughts/ conversations come while he's in bed and more relaxed.

( really? That 's what you took from my post?)
I do not understand this group sometimes.
Momofmenagerie
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 1:34 AM
Bump
AuntieM
by Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:44 AM
3 moms liked this
I think it's great you are taking in the woman he beat up. She needs support, caring, and a chance to heal. Sounds like she will get that in your home.
littlesippycup
by iloveanons on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:59 AM

 LOL it's the nature of the beast.

Quoting Momofmenagerie: I will tuck him in every night. A simple prayer and kiss on the cheek. It makes sure lights are turned off and the most important thoughts/ conversations come while he's in bed and more relaxed.

( really? That 's what you took from my post?)
I do not understand this group sometimes.

 

Momofmenagerie
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 3:16 AM
She will feel at home here.... Safe and her two pets are welcome. I want her here, I know this man. If he pleads not guilty, I want here to feel safe enough here to stay and put him away.

She is welcome . Poor woman originally called to apologize to my son for his dad being in jail! Wha? He broke your SHOULDER!!!
GOD!

I person needs a support system, even from an unlikely source.

Quoting AuntieM: I think it's great you are taking in the woman he beat up. She needs support, caring, and a chance to heal. Sounds like she will get that in your home.
Momofmenagerie
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:30 AM
Bump
NDADanceMom
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 8:10 AM
3 moms liked this

She doesnt have family?  I would not have her in my home.  My kids are pretty sheltered and I dont care who it is, Im not having drama in my house.  Even if it was my own sister or daughter I would not have it around my other kids.  I would pay for an apartment or hotel, I would find a safe place, but under no circumstances are my kids to have a front row seat to such drama and violence. 

I teach middle school and your sons behavior is so odd that I nearly think you made up his reaction.  Most boys just arent that empathetic to stuff like this.  THey tend to stay out of it and just go off and play xbox.  The fact that he is immersing himself into this drama shows that he is very unhealthy mentally.  He isnt a 25 year old woman, he is a 14 year old boy.  

I think you should find a place with no kids for this woman to hide out. Your child should be your focus, not her. 

Perle1
by Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 8:38 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't think I would have exposed my kid to that. You may have had the best of intentions, but I would not have brought her into the home. I understand you want your son to be safe though. I would have asked my attorney what to do to ensure his safety on the face of alcoholism and violence.
Momofmenagerie
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 8:48 AM
3 moms liked this
Well I expected an answer like this from you so I'll not be offended. If something happens with your family, then you will handle it the best way you see fit.

Quoting NDADanceMom:

She doesnt have family?  I would not have her in my home.  My kids are pretty sheltered and I dont care who it is, Im not having drama in my house.  Even if it was my own sister or daughter I would not have it around my other kids.  I would pay for an apartment or hotel, I would find a safe place, but under no circumstances are my kids to have a front row seat to such drama and violence. 

I teach middle school and your sons behavior is so odd that I nearly think you made up his reaction.  Most boys just arent that empathetic to stuff like this.  THey tend to stay out of it and just go off and play xbox.  The fact that he is immersing himself into this drama shows that he is very unhealthy mentally.  He isnt a 25 year old woman, he is a 14 year old boy.  

I think you should find a place with no kids for this woman to hide out. Your child should be your focus, not her. 

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