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here we go again ugh!:(

Posted by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:58 AM
  • 10 Replies
Good morning!! How us everyone doing so far today?? I hope doing well!!!;-)Ok so most know situation with my being seperated from DH and filing for divorce. Well few days ago he gave me the flowers and things which were very nice of him also unexpected since he hasnt done or made me feel special in several years of our marriage! Well out of all days today this morning my DH got served the divorce papers!!:-/ of course that set him off... I was at work(before my boss sends me home) because my DH comes up to my job demanding to see me. I knew it was him because I can here him all the way in back. So I'm having to stop doing what I'm doing with a patient having another nurse take over so I can talk with him. He ask to speak to me in private. So we went into this empty room to talk. He starts going on about what in the Hell was this throwing the papers at my face! Telling me he is not signing shit! That he is trying but I make things so difficult. As I'm telling him to lower his voice and could we just not do this at my job. I will talk to him but not when he is yellingaand throwing things at me. Besides he really isn't suppose to be near me due to the order of protection. He continuously asking me why am I doing this to him? What about our kids? I try telling him again we can try discussing this later but now wasn't a good time I have to work. As I turn to walk away he grab my arm throwing me against the wall saying how I need to fix this! He is not signing a damn thing. I'm his wife and it will remain that way. I told him He was hurting me and need to let me go. That this what he us doing is why he is losing me and his kids. He can't control his temper and a ticking bomb! I can't live like that anymore! I love him dearly but I just can't do it and I was sorry.... He has a lot of work to do. And no flowers,candy or whatever can't fix the things he need to work on,myself need to work on. Anyhow long story short he was very pissed left out the room knocking things over in hall,hitting stuff. They called security but he said he will leave. My boss told me this has become dangerous with his showing up at the job. And its not only putting me at risk but other workers and patients. Which I understand. She told me maybe I should consider finding another place of employment where he doesn't know. So fourth so fourth. And told me to go home! Sooo I think I've lost my job! :'(
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Pukalani79
by Ivy on Feb. 14, 2014 at 12:12 PM

 I'm so sorry. I'm a bit confused though - if you have a restrainig order agaist him, why are you meeting with him and talking to him?

brookerenee45
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 1:25 PM
I know it was VERY dumb on my part and should have just called the cops instead of tryin to talk with him. So that was not a good decision.

Quoting Pukalani79:

 I'm so sorry. I'm a bit confused though - if you have a restrainig order agaist him, why are you meeting with him and talking to him?

chelc2010
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 2:02 PM
That's horrible....

cam2122
by Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 2:42 PM

You are facing a dangerous man.  Losing control of a situation tends to set off an abuser like you are dealing with.  Please, please be careful.  Please don't ever make the mistake again about seeing him in spite of the Protection Order.  Notify your friends, family, and neighbors that he is coming around unwanted and you are afraid.  Neighbors might be able to notify you of anything suspicious, which is why I suggested notifying them as well. 

I am sorry for the potential loss of your job.  I can understand why your boss said what they said, but I don't know how legal that is.  I am sure you have been thinking of the perfect thing to say when you have to face your boss again about this.  Try to reassure them that you are takings steps to prevent this from ever happening again and explain that you fear for your safety.  On a side note, whether you lose your job or not, have your employer write a letter stating the events that happened today.  You will have an independent witness statement for whatever purpose you may need (i.e. custody case, protection order case, etc).

beckolette
by Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 2:49 PM

Well Girl it's not to late. Call or go talk to the police. He violated the order. Now not only does he have the problem with you, Your boss should talk to the police too. A visit back to the boss or a phone call, let her know you are enforcing the order, and the police may wish to talk with her about the violence in the office. Did he break things? Did he touch any other people? Ect. It will only help your case and in fact you may be able to ask the judge to make him serve an order of anger classes. Which in the long run will make things better for you whether you stay married or not.  

Your judge may look at this and postpone the divorce until he gets help and then enter judgement of whether he sees his kids or not. He needs to understand he may loose rights if he doesn't straighten up. 

Good luck and go to the police NOW. Help the man since you really do love him. Don't feel anyone is looking down their nose at you. I understand that you cannot help who you love. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 15, 2014 at 10:01 AM

wow, truly not good.  yes, you're most likely going to lose your job because you are now a liability to the company.  your boss telling you that you should consider finding another place of employment was her being gentle about it and giving you forewarning of what's coming. 

an order of protection does no good if you violate it yourself.  you need to call the police if he comes near you or violates the oop in any way again.  it sounds like he's becoming more unstable by the day if he's coming by your work and slamming you against a wall, having to have security called before leaving, and destroying stuff on the way out. 

I also would not expect any kind of statement from your current employer that they haven't already made.  companies rarely want to get involved in an employee's personal life, and will step far away at the advice of their counsel.

brookerenee45
by on Feb. 15, 2014 at 10:31 AM
I did lose my job. Lawyer says they can't do that. I could fight them on their decision. But honestly I love my job been there for a long time. I don't have the energy to be fighting that too on top of everything with my DH. So I will just apply at a different hospital or doctor office where he doesn't know.

Quoting cam2122:

You are facing a dangerous man.  Losing control of a situation tends to set off an abuser like you are dealing with.  Please, please be careful.  Please don't ever make the mistake again about seeing him in spite of the Protection Order.  Notify your friends, family, and neighbors that he is coming around unwanted and you are afraid.  Neighbors might be able to notify you of anything suspicious, which is why I suggested notifying them as well. 


I am sorry for the potential loss of your job.  I can understand why your boss said what they said, but I don't know how legal that is.  I am sure you have been thinking of the perfect thing to say when you have to face your boss again about this.  Try to reassure them that you are takings steps to prevent this from ever happening again and explain that you fear for your safety.  On a side note, whether you lose your job or not, have your employer write a letter stating the events that happened today.  You will have an independent witness statement for whatever purpose you may need (i.e. custody case, protection order case, etc).

brookerenee45
by on Feb. 15, 2014 at 10:33 AM
I will have them write a report as well about his coming to my job non stop. He only knock some stuff over and push another nurse out his way.

Quoting beckolette:

Well Girl it's not to late. Call or go talk to the police. He violated the order. Now not only does he have the problem with you, Your boss should talk to the police too. A visit back to the boss or a phone call, let her know you are enforcing the order, and the police may wish to talk with her about the violence in the office. Did he break things? Did he touch any other people? Ect. It will only help your case and in fact you may be able to ask the judge to make him serve an order of anger classes. Which in the long run will make things better for you whether you stay married or not.  

Your judge may look at this and postpone the divorce until he gets help and then enter judgement of whether he sees his kids or not. He needs to understand he may loose rights if he doesn't straighten up. 

Good luck and go to the police NOW. Help the man since you really do love him. Don't feel anyone is looking down their nose at you. I understand that you cannot help who you love. 

brookerenee45
by on Feb. 15, 2014 at 10:38 AM
Yes I know a lot of this is my fault for not being consistent in calling cops when he contact or come around me. He has done this quite a bit showing up at my workplace. I was just hoping he would actually try changing this time for our children sake.

Quoting Anonymous:

wow, truly not good.  yes, you're most likely going to lose your job because you are now a liability to the company.  your boss telling you that you should consider finding another place of employment was her being gentle about it and giving you forewarning of what's coming. 


an order of protection does no good if you violate it yourself.  you need to call the police if he comes near you or violates the oop in any way again.  it sounds like he's becoming more unstable by the day if he's coming by your work and slamming you against a wall, having to have security called before leaving, and destroying stuff on the way out. 


I also would not expect any kind of statement from your current employer that they haven't already made.  companies rarely want to get involved in an employee's personal life, and will step far away at the advice of their counsel.

beckolette
by Member on Feb. 16, 2014 at 11:07 AM

If you want this man in your life, the report from the Dr., with the fact that he pushed or even just lightly placed his hand on her arm in a way to get past her, should not be included or he may be in worse trouble. The nurse could file her own assault charges for that. 

If you don't understand about asking the judge to give him classes on anger managment, ask the police for the district attorney's number.  

At this point he's in deep if you report him and if you don't and it comes out during court, you stand the chance of the judge not taking you seriously and he may recind the order, and next time you need one, it will be harder to get. 

Please follow through and get your husband help. The man obviously loves you, he just doesn't handle anger good at all. 

Good luck, Stay well and safe.      PS.  I would not make verbal contact, but I would write a letter to husband explaining that you want him to get help with the anger and stress. either mail it or give it to someone in his family that will see that he reads it.  Ask that he perhaps write to the Dr. and appoligize for his behavior and promises to not make contact of any kind to the office anymore.  I know you lost the job, but I'm guessing it is your Dr. for your kids, you may want to go there again. Divorces don't happen over night except in extreme cases. With children, judges like to keep families together. If he shows he can get help, change his ways, Both You and the judge will want him in their lives.  Wishing you all the best and hoping this has helped you. Beck

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