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Who wouldn't want to know if your spouse is cheating on them? Now what?!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies

For you short readers:    My best friend's husband cheated on her about 2 years ago, a few months ago she mentioned to me "she would rather not knew, and she would rather not now if it happens again, but then she asked me once a few weeks ago if I knew someting weird about her husband.  I didnt.  Yesterday however, I saw him with a girl having a picknick, hugging kissing etc, on a hike trail. He saw me, I left, she hasnt called me so she doesnt know nothing, and I was hoping he would tell her but obviously hasnt.   what to do??

If you want details, and specific facts please read below.


Alright, backstory, my best friend's husband cheated on her since 7 months before their marriage, and during until after 1 year of marriage.   She had no idea, and we only suspected something the month before she found out. Someone sent me a message on fb saying they were the mistress friend and how she was worried because of her friend blah blah and that she knew I was the best friend of the married man her friend was having an affair with. That message said I should say to my friend what I knew.  Of course, I asked her for evidence. She said she had photos and she was going to meet me to give them to me. Im not an idiot so I said she should send them online.  She refused, said she didnt have a phone.  yeah right, so was I supposed to meet a new fb user with no history no photos etc?  I refused and said I wasnt going to tell her anything if she couldnt prove it to me. So she didnt. So I didnt said anything.

 That same day my best friend started recieving texts telling her she was an idiot, her husband was cheating blah blah, she also asked for evidence, and told me. So since she knew, I told her that was probably the same person and told her what had happened.   She told her husband and of course he brushed it off, said, "not to pay attention to stupid people who wont give their face"  so the text came and went to her phone until one day the person in the text got specific.  She told her how her husband had gone to a specific place over three days to work and that they had sex in the hotel, she told her about the time she had gone to Mexico, and he had brought her over their home, and how they had sex in their bed, and how they had watch movies on their couch, and how he preppared dinner for her in her kitchen and got explicit about home decor.  So that day he confessed to everything.  She was devastated and I have no idea why, forgave him.  They didnt had any kids, so to me the best would of been divorce. No second thoughts.  However, I didnt tell her what to do, just supported her. (Even when I didnt like her decision) 

A year passed and she grieved, suffered etc, but then "got over it". They had a baby in November last year.

When she was recovering from the baby, I was helping her around the house since she had a c-section. We sat down one day and watch the movie, which happened to have a cheating episode.  She started crying and shaking, saying sometimes it affects her too much and sometimes it doesnt. We cut the movie, and she told me and I quote "I wish I had never known about the affair, everything was so perfect back then, and even though now is ok again, I wish I'd never knew"  So I asked her if that was REALLY what she felt.  She said and I quote again: "Yes. I would rather didnt knew, I would rather erase that from my mind, and if he ever does it again, I dont want to know"   Honestly, I was shocked, and she said that if I ever know anything else, or someone tells me something about her husband I shouldnt say anything, because she rather dont know. 

I figured thats how painfull it was, and that in her mind, the situation kept being so real and fresh and thats why she much rather dont know.   But then, confusingly enough, few weeks after that she mention something, and asked me directly if I knew something about her husband. I told her no. (I honestly didnt). So nothing happened.  

But yesterday, I took my dogs to a hike, in the next town there is a park that is huge, and it has different trails.  I usually take my dogs to a dog park where they run free, but when I got there, saw a couple of dogs who last time where trying to charge and attack one of my dogs, so I decided to skip the park but still needed to tire my dogs out, so I decided to go up hill in one of the longest trails.  

As I was getting close to the top, I saw a couple having a picknick, and decided not to disturb them, so I walked around behind them.  On our way back they were picking up and cleaning out, and started walking down, while they were still far away from me. When I reached the tree they were in I noticed they had left a couple of things right by the tree. A wallet and a set of keys. So I grab them figuring out that they couldnt leave with out the keys anyway, so just followed the trail down, knowing they would come back looking for the keys.   So he did. And it was my best friend's husband who saw me and froze.  I did too honestly. It did shock me that after all they had been trough he would do this again....  he tried to keep it cool, since the girl wasnt with him. He asked me what was I doing, and I asked him what did he thought I was doing?  He giggled and said, "yeah me too just taking a hike"   for a second there, my blood went trough the floor, and I thought, he wasnt the guy from the couple! (i seriously felt sooo relieved) but then I remembered I hadnt look inside the man's wallet i had in my sweatshirt.  So I stopped, took it out and didn't even had to open it.  His face went pale. I told him "please tell me this isnt yours" he just nodded yes... so I said he must be looking for his keys too.  he nodded again.  I gave him his stuff, and he tried to grab my arm and was about to say something but I demanded he let go of me and move out of my way.  It doesnt matter what he was going to say.  I saw them kissing, making out, laughing, hugging etc.... just that I didnt know it was him.  So I cried, because I remember how much she had been hurt. I left. And my best friend hasnt called me, so I know she doesnt know.   I was hoping he would tell her, so I didnt have to.   Then all the way back and since then I have been thinking on how she told me she wish she didnt knew, and how I shouldnt tell her anything again...... but then she asked me.    

So, with that said, I feel I am in the middle of something I dont want to be.  With information I dont want to have, wishing I had never taken my dogs out yesterday.  Wishing myself i DIDNT KNEW so I dont have to tell my best friend, or so I dont have to hide it.

What to do now?

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 18, 2014 at 4:30 AM
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Replies (1-7):
kadensmomma0708
by Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 5:51 AM

She asked you?  Id tell my friend regardless.  She needs to have more self esteem than to stay with someone who cheats on her.  I also would have went and told his gf that he was married.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 18, 2014 at 6:04 AM

When she asked me if I knew something about her husband cheating on her again, I didnt know, so I said I didnt knew anything.... but she had said also, to NOT tell her if I knew anything...(before she asked me..weeks before) 

I agree with you, I told her that, (the self esteem thing) when learned the first time he was being disloyal, but to her, facing the shame of being cheated on was so much more important, so nobody knows but me.

I was/am hoping her husband would think I will tell her and he would tell her first, but that hasnt happened yet.

And I would of told the other girl, but she was far away and I didnt pay any attention to them when I first saw them, but when I confirmed it was him, she wasn't around anymore, but even then, I am almost sure, it will be the same girl he cheated on my best friend for over a year the first time.  

By the way if they have seen each other, they both (my bff's husband and the other woman) will have serious consecuences since my friend filled out a restriction order against her, and the judge not only approved it, but duplicated it, meaning, the other woman cannot approach my best friend (she was harrasing her at work) and the other woman cannot aproach my best friend husband, AND he may not approach the other woman for 2 years. So still effective until June.   Judge said it will give both jail time.

I think it will be best if I called my best friend husband and tell him I will not keep his secret and that i will wait certain ammount of time so he can tell her or I will....  Im hoping he will because I really dont want to tell her.


Quoting kadensmomma0708:

She asked you?  Id tell my friend regardless.  She needs to have more self esteem than to stay with someone who cheats on her.  I also would have went and told his gf that he was married.


BrknWingAngel
by Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 7:46 AM

I am the type of person who does not care...if some one is hanging their dirty laundry all out in the front lawn for all to see it. Of course I am going to tell the person who it is hurting the most....specially if it is my best friend. Because it's going to come back to you, anyways....Plus, she is going to tell you if you really was a best friend you would of told her. So tell her even if she doesn't want to hear it...

NDADanceMom
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 8:14 AM

I would tell the husband he has 3 days to tell her or you will.  She needs to know.  What she does with that info is her business but she should know. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 18, 2014 at 8:27 AM
He just happened to leave a wallet and keys. Hhhmmmm. Interesting.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 18, 2014 at 8:28 AM
He just happened to leave a wallet and keys. Hhhmmmm. Interesting.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 19, 2014 at 2:31 AM

I do not think he left them on purpose!  They were sitting on the floor by the tree. And I doubt he ever saw me the first time around, they appeared "bussy"

Quoting Anonymous: He just happened to leave a wallet and keys. Hhhmmmm. Interesting.


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