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Husband vs Inlaws

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 10:39 AM
  • 4 Replies
My husband and I have been married for almost 6 yrs now. Last yr he fell into abusing drugs and ended up in rehab for a month. A yr before that I had found txt msgs from a girl which Recently I got to talk to about that. I had reached out to his parents since they are the only family I have here in Nj. I moved here from Canada 7 yrs ago. When I had reached out to his parents and just wanted another women to talk tooo about this I was quickly shut down and stepped on. My parents and friends have been there for me ober the phone from Canada but you can talk on the phone for soo long. I end up kicking my husband out of the house and he goes to his parents house. Instead being a man and just telling them he fucked up and is staying at there house until he can talk to me or whatever he goes and tells his parents god knows what about my best friend Chris that I knew before him and I started dating. He knew about Chris and I didnt hide anything from him about Chris. He found a email from Chris to me and Chris was pouring out his feelings in the email. I responded clearly stating that he is just a friend to me and I love my husband. To prove it I had my husband call up my friend chris and Chris addmitted to trying to split us up so he can be with me. Apologized to my husband and left it at that. 3 yrs later I get msg from Chris's friend on facebook telling me he killed himself. So now here my husband not like being in the hot seat and never addmits when he is wrong tells his parents god knows what about me and chris. Mind you, I met both of them online chose my husband. I never even met Chris in person. Saw him on web cam and talked on the phone for 3 yrs. he was a good guy. R.I.P. so shit that happened almost 7 yrs ago is brough it to his parents. His mom now thinks Im slut and while I had no social number to work a decent job I had to stay home with my daughter for about 6 yrs of living here. Had no drivers license, no job, no friends or family and she thought I was home talking to men on the internet while her Son busted his ass work two jobs. His Dad had promised me that he would take care of everything when I moved here. Instead he filled for my daughter to be a dual citizen. Since she was born in Canada. So when I had called his parents house his mom answered telling me she knows more about me then i think she knows and told me to never call her house again or call her husband and if I need Sean to get something for Jay that I can walk to the store and get it my damn self.!! I was torn, and shocked and A mess. His parents who I though were nice and who I thought would be like a mother and father to me has torn me to pieces. My parents in Canada were furious about this. My mom now is in a nirsing home with Dementia. My Dad was recovering from a broken hip. I cried my eyes out that day. Just this past september my husband was in rehab for a month. The whole time he was there his oarents blamed me for his decisions. His mom was txting me like we were in high school calling me names and telling me to grow up and be a parent and not a stripper. Which was something I had to do when my hisband and I were in a hole a lot with money. But I never stripped it was exotic dancing. I did it to help my family a few times and thats all I did it for. I couldnt work without a social security number that his Dad promised to get me which I just got 2 yrs ago instead of 7 yrs ago. But they dont look at that way. So now his mom was calling me a dirty stripper, no good parent who put my daughter in harms way from dancing, when her Son was putting his daughter in harms way by being high all the time and bringing drugs into our home. And IM the one putting our daughter in Harms way. I had to change my number because of her. The whole time my husband was in rehab his oarents were txting, and calling me and harrassing me and saying hurtful things instead of worrying about their son. His Dad even came to the house and threaten me after I had changed my number to avoid them. His Dad is a lawyer and told me that if I destroy his Son he will destroy my life and take my daughter away from me. ( im tearing up typing this. This is hard). My daughter heard her grandfather yell at me and saw me cry. My husband had ask me to talk to him and his counsellor in rehab and his parents too. But we couldnt get everyone on the phone together to talk about what was going on. I agreed to be civil but with a apology. I never said or did anything to them to make them think they way the do about me. My husband did. They never called me or came by to talk and apologize to me. When they talked to my husband counsellor they didnt agree to beimg civil instead his mom hung up the phone because she didnt like what she heard what his counsellor said. Its been almost three yrs now and my husband still thinks I ahould be civil and go to family gatherings and say hi and go on trips for his sobriety sake and for our Daughter. Not even caring that his parents were wrong by what they said and whatever he told them from the begining wasnt true and I will never know what was said because my hisband is bipolar and lies alot. So now to him I'm selfish and if he slips up again which I know it will it will be because of me not pretending to like his parents. How do you pretend to like someone after they threaten to take your daughter away and destroy your life and his Dad being a lawyer and all I believed him and I was scared and hurt. I actually had to call up another lawyer and tell them about that because I dont know the laws here in Nj. Can he just do that? Finding out that no he cant. I ended up in counselling for all of this. Yet im here still trying to make things work for us. He has a great job now and wanting to become a cop. I have faith in him that he will do well. But faith for us isnt looking to good right now knowing that he doesnt want to loose his parents financial support over our marriage. I ended up in the hospital from a seizure because of all the drama and stress. I actually was bery close to death because of the meds they put me on was too high and my blood level was toxic. Knowing that his Dad is a lawyer and we couldve sued didnt happen because his Dad knows everyone and knows the head oerson of the hospital. My husband wont let it go when it took me a long time to let it go. I know now from our argument last night it is still bothering him about me and his parents not talking or being at least being civil. I told him he has to live with the fact that his parents have their opinions about me and they aint going to change it. His mom told me that hell would freeze over before she apologizes to me. His Dad told me that I dont deserve a apology. But yet my husband is so afraid that he will loose them financially that he is not going to tell his parents to apologize and he doesnt think what they said was wrong at all and he isnt going to change that. I dont know if I can go on like this anymore.
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 10:39 AM
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Replies (1-4):
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 19, 2014 at 2:15 AM
Sorry way to long
by Member on Feb. 19, 2014 at 2:38 AM

I agree with anon.  It's very long and very, very hard to read in that size and format.

could you modify it a bit please, so we can read it?  At least make it into paragraphs?

by Member on Feb. 19, 2014 at 2:46 AM

Woah, first of all, Im sorry all that happened to you.  

Second next time please please please hit enter once in a while, I got dizzy reading!

Third, well then you took the choice to move over here.  Now, things dont always work out the way we think they should. But we can make the best with what we have.... you cannot live in the past.  Let it go. LET IT GO. You will only feel much better and then you can focus on constructing a good life for you and your daughter. She deserves it!!  So, I dont mean to sound harsh but stop being the victim, that wont help you.  You are a strong woman and you can be absolutely independent if you want to.   Your husband sounds like he is still attached to his umbilical cord, and who wants to be married to a baby? and his mommy and his daddy??  yeah, nobody. 

You said you cant go on like this.... then dont.  Get your stuff together, make a plan and move on. Wheather your plan is to stay with your husband, or leave him, you have to make sure and make it sound clear and loud that you will no longer be nobody's  door matt. 

Educate yourself.  His father can be a lawyer all he wants but you are a woman and you have rights. Use them. Either get a lawyer and ask him all possible things you want or educate yourself in a library.   It doesnt matter if you are an exotic dancer or a waitress or a receptionist, your job is to provide yourr daughter with a strong base.   

Your family is far away. So what!  You arent the first woman who left her family behind.  There is a ton of woman who have. And not all get lucky. too bad, you gotta change plans. You gotta take charge of your life or someone else will do it for you.   So stop whimpering and get mad and get working.  You owe this much to yourself!

by New Member on Feb. 20, 2014 at 10:16 AM
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Sorry. When I vent the return button doesnt exist. Lol

Yah I had went to counselling already to deal with getting over his mean ass parents and it helped. And when he brought it back up I lost it. But Iam focusing on what matters most now and that me and my daughter. Trying to get my shit together and stay positive.
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