Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Would you be upset? I am so tired of this s*** from hiim!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 62 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Does your husband support you or criticize you for being a SAHM?

Options:

support

criticize


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 85

View Results

Would you be mad? 

My husband has been working 12 hour days the past 10 days. It's the hardest he's ever worked in his life. When I worked, before being forced to become a SAHM, I made decent money and ALWAYS did OT at the office.My average day was 10-12 hours. I never had his support, but I support the hell out of him. I am a SAHM and I do my SAHM duties, but they've been kicked into overdrive just trying to make sure all he has to do when he gets home is relax, eat the food I made, go to bed, then I get him up the next worning for work. I write supportive notes in his lunch, send him encouraging texts during the day, listen to him complain or talk about work when he's off and I've put my feelings or frustrations aside (which is typical). There's a whole long list of stuff that's piled up before all this where he hasn't supported me on anything I do, I can't even take an art class or something to get out of the house for an hour a week without the kids because he doesn't want to spend the money. I'm trying to show him how I want to be treated by treating him well, but he isn't getting it. 

A fight erupted last night because I had a very rough day with the kids yesterday. I love them, but it's not all sunshine and roses. I asked if we could order delivery because I was really tired and didn't want to cook. He threw a bitch fit about how I don't have a right to be tired because it's like I'm on vacation while he works all day. I couldn't take it anymore so I broke down into tears and told him it kills me when he invalidates my feelings by rolling his eyes and telling me I don't do anything. His response? I send him texts during the day - those short ones telling him "hang in there" and "Have a good day I love you you can do it!" - that means I have time to myself and I'm loafing so he doesn't trust me that I do much during the day. 

I so freaking tired of this shit. I'm glad I have an opportunity to raise my kids, but it's hard because I DO miss working, I was GREAT at working, it was a passion of mine. I am doing my best to make my world revolve around my kids, and I do love them so much, but when I already feel like I've given up all parts of me to take care of 3 people as a wife and a mother, and then I have my husband telling me that he is the only one that matters in this relationship and raising kids isn't hard etc... I'm tired of not being appreciated. 

I have really been considering walking. He keeps saying he's come a long way, I've had to deal with him being so lazy while I paid for everything but I never treated it like that at all, it was our money, not my money, I did it for the family without demeaning him and he did 10x less around the house and with the kids than I did. I hooked him up with great connections for the job that he is now in. He started making a lot more money than I did, we had our second, he wanted me home. But now it's HIS money so he can do as he pleases, and I don't do anything. 

Would you be mad? Have you ever gotten your s/o to see your side or be thankful for what you do, or did you have to leave? 


Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 26, 2014 at 9:11 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Sexymom22
by Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:03 AM
3 moms liked this
He is being an ass. It sounds like u are doing ur best to be a loving supportive wife and he is taking advantage of ur good nature. I would be half tempted if I were u and he was telling me I didn't do anything, to stop doing it, then maybe he would see what u do really do.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:19 AM

I did that once, where I just stopped everything I did and let it go. He noticed and then complained that I always have the house looking a mess, threw a fit I didn't make him any food, etc. 

He just doesn't get it. And I really don't know if I can continue to be with a man who acts this way. Who is so insensitive and unsympathetic but demands that I cut him slack and do this and that blah blah blah...I'm tired of it. 

Quoting Sexymom22: He is being an ass. It sounds like u are doing ur best to be a loving supportive wife and he is taking advantage of ur good nature. I would be half tempted if I were u and he was telling me I didn't do anything, to stop doing it, then maybe he would see what u do really do.


DanaG70
by Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:27 AM
2 moms liked this

You are never going to change his mind, in his mind you will never do anything to perfection and the harder you try the higher his expectations will go.

Stop text messaging him, stop leaving him notes, stop everything that has to do with contacting him during the day. If he continues to bitch about the way you do things around the house, find a part time job on an opposite shift than his and go to work a few times a week, let him know it will be up to him to feed, bath and entertain the children while keeping the house clean. Also let him know that any mess they make while you are at work is up to him to clean.

I'm sorry, I have been there, I learned from it, I will never, ever be with a man that cannot treat me the way I should be. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:37 AM

I actually did find a part time shift recently. It was early mornings from 4 a.m. - 11 a.m. working at a gym, which meant FREE membership! I was so excited. I worked there for a week and eve though I would write lists of what needed to be done, half the stuff was forgotten, my daughter missed her morning nap - and she still desperately needs them or the rest of the day is hell - and he sat my son in front of video games. I was struggling because I was with the kids from 11 a.m. until bed time around 8/8:30, then still got stuck cleaning up from everything, going to bed at 11, then up at 4 a.m. to do it all again. I ended up having to quit though, because he decided he was going to volunteer for a month's worth of OT working 8-8 and we have no one to babysit. 


Quoting DanaG70:

You are never going to change his mind, in his mind you will never do anything to perfection and the harder you try the higher his expectations will go.

Stop text messaging him, stop leaving him notes, stop everything that has to do with contacting him during the day. If he continues to bitch about the way you do things around the house, find a part time job on an opposite shift than his and go to work a few times a week, let him know it will be up to him to feed, bath and entertain the children while keeping the house clean. Also let him know that any mess they make while you are at work is up to him to clean.

I'm sorry, I have been there, I learned from it, I will never, ever be with a man that cannot treat me the way I should be. 


lilswty
by Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:47 AM
2 moms liked this

There was a time where I cried so many tears Icould have drowned myself.  Always worried about making him feel needed wanted and appreciated.  It got to the point where I was losing my mind, self esteem, self control, and all confidence ect.  I was miserable the entire time wanting him to notice me and my struggles.  I was tired of being tired, I began the silent treatment but only after continuously trying to communicate.  I would still tell my child give daddy love, tell him goodnight ect..  Never involving my son.  I just began to put all the time and effort I was wasting on him into myself.  Magically he began to notice that I wasnt worried about him noticing or showing me attention I was nolonger sharring my feelings or argueing.  I was loving me and eventually he began to love me more than I could ever imagine.  Im only guessing in a sense I made him miss all of me the good the bad the happy ect.  Now just to know this can always backfire or results very, but when you are at your breaking point and have tried all you know and your just exhausted what else are you to do? 

DanaG70
by Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 11:50 AM
4 moms liked this

Like I said, you will never be good enough, he will constantly find something wrong, always. 

How do you really feel deep down? Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? Do you want your daughter to grow up and figure this is the way relationships are suppose to be there for continue the cycle? Do you want your son growing up believing this is how you treat your wife/girlfriend/whatever?

Does he put you down? Call you names? Gets angry for the stupidest reasons? 

I guarantee you, he won't consent to counselling and if he does, he will find ways to make it look like you are in the wrong, that you don't do what you are told etc.. the first time that anybody contradicts him in anyway, he'll get up and walk out and never return.

YOU have to decide what YOU want to do with your life and whether you are willing to live like this. Only you can decide if you want more than to be a welcome mat for the man that swore to love you no matter what. I'm sorry, but treating somebody like a doormat is not love.

You need to look deep down inside and find the inner you and decide if this is really what you really want for your life, and the life of your children.

Quoting Anonymous:

I actually did find a part time shift recently. It was early mornings from 4 a.m. - 11 a.m. working at a gym, which meant FREE membership! I was so excited. I worked there for a week and eve though I would write lists of what needed to be done, half the stuff was forgotten, my daughter missed her morning nap - and she still desperately needs them or the rest of the day is hell - and he sat my son in front of video games. I was struggling because I was with the kids from 11 a.m. until bed time around 8/8:30, then still got stuck cleaning up from everything, going to bed at 11, then up at 4 a.m. to do it all again. I ended up having to quit though, because he decided he was going to volunteer for a month's worth of OT working 8-8 and we have no one to babysit. 


beckolette
by Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 12:16 PM
2 moms liked this

Oh this is so mine too. I would get up at 4:30, dress kids, get school stuff ready, pack lunches, carry little one to the car, that I started and packed. He continued to snore away until 7.  He got home at 4, had time to himself, since I and the kids didn't get home until 6. Then I made dinner etc. Went to bed after him, and started the next day the same way. 

Finally after the 3rd child at age 41, I had to stop, slow down something had to give. I quit my job during the pregnancy, figured I would go back once baby was older and done nursing. I seen that he just didn't do jack other than work and believe me, I doesn't work that hard. It is not a mental stress job. He was a plumber in new constrution. He worked at a med pace and made sure things were correct and no leaks, so he didn't have to go back and tear things up for a repair. I've worked along side him, when we had our first child. I chased the boy and was a go-for for husband.   I drove a school bus in the Chicago suburbs. I loved the job, Loved the kids, But I had an accident and my back suffered. 

This man will piss and moan if I ask him to move a chair or couch so i can clean under it on the weekends. You said you moved recently and have a few boxes left. We moved 2 yrs ago. We have a big 2 car garage with a 30 x 16 shop area that is still full of his stuff. I worked this fall to try and get my car in out of the winter weather. There is now room for both his truck and my car, IF he helps me get his 10 large tool boxes moved into the shop area.  Oh and all the cleaning, putting things in cabinets and drawers out there,  I asked him to make me a shelf in our TV cabinet. The saw, table he used to hold it and other various tools are still strewn around a 12' square area. That was early Dec I asked for the shelf.   

30 yrs of this. Am I going to change him? NO. Do I bitch? Yes, Does it get me somewhere? YES, sometimes. Even his family will give him hell for not doing things and getting the garage done.  That makes me at least feel that someone else sees it. 

nerdymom28
by Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 12:17 PM
2 moms liked this

 Get a nanny cam. Record what you do for a week, then show it to him. He'll shut up real fast.

GetOffMySushi
by New Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 1:20 PM
1 mom liked this
Why walk away when it seems hard? Isn't marriage about the ups and the downs? The happiest married people would say the same. People want to give up when things are bad. The only thing I can say is pray about it. Read Emerson Eggerichs Love & Respect. It may change your life. :)
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 26, 2014 at 1:57 PM

Because this is something that has been consistent from the beginning. I've dedicated my life to this man, given him children, abandoned all of my dreams and he repays me by telling me why I am not worth anything. 

I've had to listen to "Cut me slack, I've never been a husband, or father" for every selfish action. I have been expected to keep it together, work hard and be there for the kids alone while he "figures it out" and gets things out of his system. He used to go out every night of the week after work while I was pregnant and wouldn't spend any time with us. He has done shitty, selfish things like hand me 20 bucks on Mother's Day and told me to buy myself something, then left with his guy friends.  I have to beg and plead for him to do more with his job, I mean, I re-wrote his resume and called my contacts at my old job and got him in with that company. I answered the questionair when I set him up with an interview for a higher position within that company. I hooked him up with amazing referrals from people in other positions who owed me favors. He would call off work ALL the time and we would get into huge fights and I would have to ask favors from managers I knew to keep him out of trouble so he didn't have marks against him. I'm not joking, I have had to stress and worry because he doesn't follow through, meanwhile I'm caretaking 24/7 expected to do everything else, all he has to do is go to work. I don't get treated on my birthdays, he didn't get me anything for Xmas this last year, I don't get date nights, I don't even get him to occasionally cook me a meal or at LEAST help with the cleanup. He'll say a bunch of bull crap when he wants "some" but then it's back to how he could take care of the kids way better than me -even though I can count on my hand how many times he has spent time alone with the kids, and he gets irritated and half of the stuff isn't taken care of and it's never been more than 6 hours- and I'm a bad mother and wife because he comes home and there will be toys left out that I haven't gotten to yet, or I didn't get a chance to vacuum. 

I have been so honest and I pride myself of being very articulate, and he still dismisses my feelings, refuses to be supportive... I am not perfect, I know I can be hard to handle sometimes, but I feel I deserve a little appreciation, or the occasional "Thanks" instead of being told how he could do everything better than me and I should kiss his feet because I'm "vacationing as a SAHM on his dime." 

Quoting GetOffMySushi: Why walk away when it seems hard? Isn't marriage about the ups and the downs? The happiest married people would say the same. People want to give up when things are bad. The only thing I can say is pray about it. Read Emerson Eggerichs Love & Respect. It may change your life. :)


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN