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Do you find this inappropriate?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ok so here is my problem:

My SO and I have been together for 10 years and have 3 children.  He is a very social person and usually tends to have more female friends than guys.  This has never been an issue for me up until recently.  He started this new job about 9 months ago and has become really close to one of his coworkers.  Now, he hangs out with other females from work on a weekly basis (happy hour, lunchs etc) and I don't have a problem with that.  But he and this one women began hanging out on a regular basis, daily and not just for happy hour.  They were going to the mall, dinners, movies...etc.  If they weren't together they were talking and texting and her name was being brought up in every single converstation that we had. 

I decided one day to talk to him about it and told him that I was begining to become a little jealous of his relationship with this one person. I explained why and he said ok...he wouldn't hang out with her so much anymore.  Well, we went to happy hour one day and some of this other coworkers showed up and during their conversations it comes out that he and this woman have still been hanging out quite often and he has just been telling me otherwise.  So I waited until we got home and then tried to talk to him about it.  He proceeded to tell me that there was nothing going on between the two of them, and they were just friends who had a lot in common.  He then told me that I  was being insecure, childish, and stupid.  I then asked him if I could meet this women (try to get to know her) and maybe become more comfortable with her but he has basically pushed that aside with excuses of it would make things awkward at work (because he told her how I feel about their relationship). 

I may be a moron but I love my SO and decided to trust him, like I always have and just leave it be.  Well he has gotten to the point now that if they are going to hang out he actually lets me know again, which is good.  But last night he came home with a new bottle of cologne called Gucci Gold (which retails for between $64 - $114) and told me that this woman had bought it for him for his birthday (which was last week).  I don't know if I am completely crazy and stupid but I honestly find this gift completely inappropriate.  I don't think that any woman should be buying another man (unless they are related or together) something that expensive.  Now that is just my opinion on it...am I wrong to find this inapporpriate? 

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 28, 2014 at 2:58 PM
Replies (21-30):
Momluv269
by on Mar. 4, 2014 at 2:16 AM

You are basically condoning his affair. The biggest issue is that he wont "allow" you to meet her! Would he ever not allow you to meet a male buddy? Of course not! Which is the sign that something is not right here. Look at it this way, simply put - if there was nothing inappropriate going on, he'd have you two meet and all three hang out. Because it would be better for him, and remove any tension and doubt with you, his partner. It'd be in his best interest to do that. so the fact that he wont let you even meet her, is totally WRONG. And that bullshit excuse he came up with, it would be awkward ... LAME! It's awkward this way! 

You need to resolve this now, if you have any hope of staying with him. He IS betraying you, whether its an emotional or physical affair (most likely both).

Best wishes.

JP-StrongForTwo
by on Mar. 4, 2014 at 2:20 AM

I wish i could help. I dont know if i could be in a relationship with someone who thinks 'happy hour' should be  a regular part of the day/life. 


Bellarose0212
by on Mar. 4, 2014 at 3:31 AM

WOAH.

REALLY?

He's cheating. He's either already cheating or very close but my guess is already cheating.

It was inappropriate WAY before now. Like when he didn't respect your wishes, went behind your back to spend time with her, and lied about it.

Just... woah.

Stop talking yourself out of what you KNOW to be the truth.

I'm really sorry that he is a douche bag but please stop pulling the wool over your own eyes.

xcraftygirl
by New Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 4:56 AM

i'm sorry, but he's cheating on you. have you tried going through his messages yet? that could tell you a lot.

surromama
by Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 6:12 AM
Sorry, but it sounds like dating. Even worse is the fact he won't let you meet her. Hell no! Does he do anything with you? Doesn't seem like he'd have much time.
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NativeMamaDuke
by on Mar. 4, 2014 at 7:30 AM

You really need to straighten this guy out and let him know that what he doing is not normal or ok regaurdless of what he thinks about it or you need to walk. Even if he isn't "cheating" on you, there is definately something very inappropriate going on between them. Obviously this whole situation makes you uncomfortable and you need to let him know this. What he is doing is very disceptive and dishonest. he needs to respect your wishes and if he is unable to do that then, to be honest, it may be in the best interest of your children to leave him. I know that sounds really mean but he is teaching them that it's ok to do what he is doing. I can promise you 100% something is definately going on between them that he is ashamed of and wants to hide it or else he would have no problem with you meeting her.

JRSMOM0621
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 7:34 AM

Nope I would find it highly inapporpriate. That is too expensive to buy for a friend.

ThisMom128
by Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 7:35 AM
He may not have cheated yet.... but it does seem that this is where it is headed.
scold-01
by Member on Mar. 4, 2014 at 7:46 AM

Have you ever asked to meet his other friends that are female? Does he have a problem with it? I am at a loss for words  here, because I am a extremely jealous woman, and also my hubby doesnt have female friends. I would say, trust ur instinct, because ur SO having female friends is the norm for u guys and this one relationship with that woman is sending reg flags up for U, So U should probably do a little investigating without telling him you are. Im not saying to lie to him or go behind his back or anything, Im just saying, because when u mentioned not feeling right about the other woman, he immediately told her. So, to find out what exactly is going on, this time around I would do it quietly and not inform him I was. Something isnt right, and ur insticnt, intutuion is trying to tell U.

1frog
by on Mar. 4, 2014 at 8:06 AM

Innappropriate for a co-worker yes, unless it'a in a very high class field. But for what she is, the other woman, no not innappropriate. He is having an affair. He must think you are really stupid/gullible/naive. Hard as it is you have to decide if you will accept his infidelity, or not, and there have probably been others you knew nothing about, there will also be more, a tiger doesn't change his stripes. You can consider giving him an ultimatum to dump her or else,  and both of you seek couples therapy. Chances are though he will not take you seriously. You can dump him, or wait for him to dump you for someone he's cheated on you with. Not necessarily this woman, but it could be with some other woman farther down the line. I say kick his cheating his ass out the door now and find a good attorney for child support.

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