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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

ANXIETY without a helpful husband.

Posted by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:08 AM
  • 3 Replies

I am currently 34 weeks pregnant with our 3rd daughter. Since the beginning of this pregnancy Ive felt my anxiety going out of control. I was not so sure about having a 3rd child, but made the decision, with the help of my husband, to let it happen the way life happens. He has not been very supportive emotionally AT ALL. Wether it's helping clean up, helping with the kids or just simply talking about how I feel, he is NOT dependable. I am planning a home birth this time around, I my anxiety over having things ready is starting to kick in. Call it nesting or whatever, I just want to get shit finished and feel more prepared. HE IS NO HELP WHATSOEVER. I have been asking him since November, to fix our bedroom. (previous owners smoked in the house and the walls and trim were dingy with yellow gunk) meaning, paint the trim and walls. That's it. I am now 5 weeks away from my due date, and we have been living in the living room for OVER a month. His laziness urkes me. It seems as though he feels that since he works to support the family, he doesn't NEED to be here to help around the house, or WITH the family. I am so overwhelmed and flustered because every time I try to talk about it, he blows up like I am asking too much of him, or like he has better things to do and he just doesn't want to help. I am to the point, that even looking at him when I am upset makes me despise him. I feel like he could care less about what I am feeling. I am starting to rethink this entire homebirth thing because I don't feel very supported by him at ALL. UGH. I am so confused, overwhelmed, angry and upset all in one.I just want to feel content and be able to focus on the new little life I am about to bring into this world. I feel alone, and unsupported and STRESSED all the time. I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I just want to have a beautiful birth in a CLEAN space, I don't feel like that is asking too much. Any advice on how to approach the situation, or ANY advice in general would be great. _Mel

by on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:08 AM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:17 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry mama. No advice here, my DH is the same. When my gorgeous sisters came to help while I had number 4 they got him working but that didn't exactly help things on my end :-/
MamaMel854
by New Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 12:35 AM

I hate feeling like I need to depend on others, like my mom or friends (who know exactly what is going on). I just want to be able to rely on my HUSBAND for help, I feel like we chose this life together, we chose to do all of this together, and he is not doing his part. I hope things change, because I can't see myself being content and happy forever, with someone who refuses to see the whole picture and open up to try and be understanding about things. I'm sorry your husband does the same, it's definately not easy and not easy to talk about with other people. I feel like they will view my husband in a negative way and lose respect for him, and I don't want that. So confused.

Moxiesbuddy
by Member on Mar. 7, 2014 at 3:14 PM
1 mom liked this

MamaMel, my heart goes out to you as the stress on your body increases. Of course, you're nesting! It's a beautiful surge of energy that channels your attention to those details that will help create a calm environment. I'm sorry your husband is unable to grasp how this is impacting you.

Rather than get worked up over the lack of progress, perhaps try putting some action and conditions to your needs and wishes.  Why not state calmly that you want to have everything ready by a certain date in case you deliver early - which is quite likely with #3. Then express that if he's unable to carve out the time to complete the painting and projects by then, you will hire someone to do it instead. That way it won't stress him out ~ or you.

Were you planning to have a midwife assist you? I would imagine they wouldn't want you doing a lot of lifting or moving furniture at this stage, so it's quite alright to ask for assistance. It sounds like you have a caring support group of family and friends and could even make it a fun thing. I know it's hard to ask for help and just like you, I prefer to do many things myself. However, it really gives some people great satisfaction to pitch in and help another woman get organized, clean, declutter, etc.  You may feel differently in a few days when your hormones change again. =) Wishing you a healthy final few weeks!

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