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Any other SAHMs with critical husbands?

Posted by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 4:35 AM
  • 13 Replies
Has your other half ever said:

"I would LOVE to stay at home all day with the baby. Why don't you find a job that pays X amount?"

"What did you do all day?"

I am currently pregnant with baby 2 & feeling exhausted on top of fighting a virus. My husband came home from work this evening & left 40 minutes later to go play soccer. When he got home he complained that I hadn't done the laundry yet. (Actually he didn't complain, he passively aggressively started the load so I would pick up on his disapproval.) When I addressed his dissatisfaction I reminded him that I'm exhausted, sick & nauseous. He motioned towards the dishes I had used to prepare dinner (which is a feat in and of itself when you are nauseated & over hungry) & then he said, "I wish I could just prepare food & sit around all day."

The more he lays in to me the more useless I feel & the more depressed I become which only further depletes my energy & motivation. I will only have a few years to be an at home mom & he is RUINING this for me. Not to mention that I also work from home in addition to being a full time mommy. I brought in almost 20k last year while staying at home with my now 19 month old & still I get no respect.
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 4:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
pinkcsmtlgy
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 4:48 AM
1 mom liked this

My husband use to be like that until I had our second. You see while I was in the hospital with our second he had to take care of our oldest. The night I got home he told me that he doesn't know how I do it and that he would take his job over my job any day. And since then my husband hasn't said anything like that to me.

HopeAlive
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:37 PM
1 mom liked this

((HUGS)) I hear your frustration, and I'm sorry, mama.

I found this great article series on being a SAHM... I hope it encourages you!

myempyreofdirt
by Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 3:15 PM
No, and I might not stay married to him if he did. I'm a stay at home mom, not a maid. I do the bulk of the housework because I am the one here to do it. That doesn't excuse him from all household duties. I am the primary caregiver to our son because I am the one home with him. That doesn't mean daddy gets to skip diaper changes and not be involved. We were pretty clear from the start what our expectations of each other would be. We work as a team. Maybe it's time for a serious talk with your dh. Lots of working fathers really just don't understand what goes on in the life of a sahm.
newwifenmom
by on Mar. 14, 2014 at 3:26 PM
HUGS. My DH is critical but not of things like this. Still, I feel your pain.
mamaontherocks
by New Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 3:47 PM
2 moms liked this

Had to take a deep breathe before I began typing. Exhaling.....now. DON'T EVER underestimate yourself as a Woman and Mother. We can carry and grow life within us. We have the strength to heal and empower our children in no way a man could. We are not perfect, but we hold strength that men wish they could harness. 

Some cultures raise their boys to grow up with this type of mentality. Could it be a cultural thing? How exhausted and defeated you must be to have to continually withstand the abuse.....because that's what it is, abuse. Do YOU ever get the opportunity to spend a day or night out with friends to enjoy and recharge? If your husband comes home and is off to soccer within the hour, it's apparent that there is lack of respect (which NO relationship can survive without) in what it is you do and what it is you do for him by caring for his children. 

A conversation is in need with your husband. YOU first have to remind yourself who you are and what a strong spirit you are and how VALUABLE you are within yourself. If you we're able to generate income while home, use that mental force to generate the value that's within you and capitalize on it! YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN HIS ABUSE! 

Your situation has damaged you but not beyond repair. Find the strength and stand up for yourself but most importantly, your children. Do not repeat the cycle of his type of mentality in having your children pick up and view that type of behavior as normal. Don't do a disservice to your children by allowing his insults and abuse. Face it and correct it or suffer the greater consequence.....your son being like his father.

cakklove
by Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 3:56 PM

I'm happy my husband isn't like that.  Hell, he DID MY laundry the other day...  I am very lucky.  I know this.  I don't take him for granted.

gramattmom
by Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 4:11 PM

Mine is sort of critical not to bad though, he usually dont say to much unless there is junk laying everywhere. He knows we have two kids and things are not going to be perfect all of the time...he says he would hate to have to stay home and pick up after them all of the time...

DeLaLi
by Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 4:19 PM


Quoting pinkcsmtlgy:

My husband use to be like that until I had our second. You see while I was in the hospital with our second he had to take care of our oldest. The night I got home he told me that he doesn't know how I do it and that he would take his job over my job any day. And since then my husband hasn't said anything like that to me.

OMG I cannot wait until I go on vacay with my mom because DH is going to stay with DD for five days!! I pray he tells me the same thing, LOL.

Me + Him = Her // The new ERA

mama_ang
by on Mar. 14, 2014 at 4:32 PM

Amen.  Nailed it. 

I didn't realize this was happening to me until my husband left us a year and a half ago.  He literally left out of the house because I asked him his opinion on some children's chairs I was painting.  My second child was just a year old at the time.  I was in shock but not sad because the way he left and the things he said in front of our six year old.  It did not take long to realize how much better I felt and much happier I and the children were and how much happier the house felt without him there.  Even people that came over to see us and did not know our circumstance would say how much different the house felt.  I look back and think wow how could I ever have lived like that and why did I.  He is now supposedly had a change of heart and says he has changed and wants to come back but I am standing firm and holding my ground.

Quoting mamaontherocks:

Had to take a deep breathe before I began typing. Exhaling.....now. DON'T EVER underestimate yourself as a Woman and Mother. We can carry and grow life within us. We have the strength to heal and empower our children in no way a man could. We are not perfect, but we hold strength that men wish they could harness. 

Some cultures raise their boys to grow up with this type of mentality. Could it be a cultural thing? How exhausted and defeated you must be to have to continually withstand the abuse.....because that's what it is, abuse. Do YOU ever get the opportunity to spend a day or night out with friends to enjoy and recharge? If your husband comes home and is off to soccer within the hour, it's apparent that there is lack of respect (which NO relationship can survive without) in what it is you do and what it is you do for him by caring for his children. 

A conversation is in need with your husband. YOU first have to remind yourself who you are and what a strong spirit you are and how VALUABLE you are within yourself. If you we're able to generate income while home, use that mental force to generate the value that's within you and capitalize on it! YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN HIS ABUSE! 

Your situation has damaged you but not beyond repair. Find the strength and stand up for yourself but most importantly, your children. Do not repeat the cycle of his type of mentality in having your children pick up and view that type of behavior as normal. Don't do a disservice to your children by allowing his insults and abuse. Face it and correct it or suffer the greater consequence.....your son being like his father.


DeLaLi
by Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 4:32 PM


Quoting mamaontherocks:

Had to take a deep breathe before I began typing. Exhaling.....now. DON'T EVER underestimate yourself as a Woman and Mother. We can carry and grow life within us. We have the strength to heal and empower our children in no way a man could. We are not perfect, but we hold strength that men wish they could harness. 

Some cultures raise their boys to grow up with this type of mentality. Could it be a cultural thing? How exhausted and defeated you must be to have to continually withstand the abuse.....because that's what it is, abuse. Do YOU ever get the opportunity to spend a day or night out with friends to enjoy and recharge? If your husband comes home and is off to soccer within the hour, it's apparent that there is lack of respect (which NO relationship can survive without) in what it is you do and what it is you do for him by caring for his children. 

A conversation is in need with your husband. YOU first have to remind yourself who you are and what a strong spirit you are and how VALUABLE you are within yourself. If you we're able to generate income while home, use that mental force to generate the value that's within you and capitalize on it! YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN HIS ABUSE! 

Your situation has damaged you but not beyond repair. Find the strength and stand up for yourself but most importantly, your children. Do not repeat the cycle of his type of mentality in having your children pick up and view that type of behavior as normal. Don't do a disservice to your children by allowing his insults and abuse. Face it and correct it or suffer the greater consequence.....your son being like his father.

Maybe I am in a similar situation as what you have mentioned. DH does not come home then leave after dinner is pretty much ready and served, but once he comes home and says hi to DD and picks her up and talks a little with her, he'll go right on the game. Of course if there is any interruption there is an attitude that protrudes and God forbid I comment on him going on the game it's a done deal (because he says the game is what gives him peace). All I want is for him to come home and hang out with us as a family, not for everyone to go off and do their own thing, you know? Plus he usually stays on the game for a few hours and by the time he gets off it is close to 10 and I'm POOPED. My job doesn't end like his does at 4 pm. I have to finish finish in the kitchen while he plays the game and still handle things with DD. He doesn't do anything for DD anymore (in terms of feeding, bathing, changing clothes and putting her to bed). 

BLAH...sorry OP. I had to!

Me + Him = Her // The new ERA

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