Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Mean husband. Divorce?

Posted by on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:14 PM
  • 42 Replies
I'm a mother of 13 yr old twins from my first marriage. I've been remarried for 18 months. My husband is not the same man I met when we first started dating.
He is so mean and disrespectful to me in front of my daughters, he cusses constantly as well. I don't mean the words "damn" or " sh**." The "f" word and the "n" word are used on a daily basis. He even taught them a "new" word... "qu***" when referring to gays or lesbians. IT'S AWFUL!! Behind closed doors he yells at me as well. All the while saying, "GD", "MF", bitch, the "f" word, etc.... He threatens divorce at least once a week, and then turns it around on me by asking, " Is that what you want?" He called me a "worthless bitch" and " a worthless piece of sh**", luckily my girls weren't home to hear that. Once, he referred to my girls hair in the bathtub as, "cu** hair"! To me, that is one of the grossest, ugliest, and most vulgar things he could have said! (They didn't hear it, thank goodness.) I'm a stay home mom, so he usually gives me a credit card to keep in my wallet to use for groceries, gas, etc... On occasion, unbeknownst to me, he has taken it out of my wallet. I've experienced more than one "surprises" when I go to check out at the store. Fortunately, I've had some cash to cover the amount, or I've noticed beforehand that the card was gone. He usually "summons" me upstairs when he is in bed or getting ready for bed. Once, he called me upstairs...I went. He wanted me to pull up the bed comforter up for him b/c he was cold! He calls me on my cell phone all the time. I have to text him when I leave somewhere and then when I get home or to my destination.
These things may seem trivial, but hearing them and living them are very different. I could give more examples of him pouting, yelling, threatening (in front of my daughters) to get rid of our pets, threatening to shut off (close the account) their phones if they don't clean their rooms. He is a big bully, to put it mildly. Every day we wait to see what kind of mood he's in.
I don't like my girls hearing all of this and experiencing this on a daily basis. I've tried to talk to him about it. I've begged and pleaded, but to no avail. The only option to get away from all of this is to get a divorce. I'm a teacher, so I can support my girls, etc... I'm scared of the unknown, but I know I can do it. Luckily, I'm blessed with caring parents that would help me if I needed a little bit of financial help.
I know he's abusive....verbally and emotionally. My blood pressure and my overall health are suffering. My daughters get upset and are stressed constantly.
Is financial security by staying married worth all of this? I filed for divorce, but he doesn't know it yet. My dad and my brother are my attorneys, and they say to get it done. I'm scared of the unknown. Am I doing the right thing??
by on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:14 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:15 PM
1 mom liked this

The "n" word? Towards you? Are you an interracial couple?

And Good Lord. He's changed that much in just 18 months??

KikiKia
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:19 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes

Quoting jrice110: I'm a mother of 13 yr old twins from my first marriage. I've been remarried for 18 months. My husband is not the same man I met when we first started dating. He is so mean and disrespectful to me in front of my daughters, he cusses constantly as well. I don't mean the words "damn" or " sh**." The "f" word and the "n" word are used on a daily basis. He even taught them a "new" word... "qu***" when referring to gays or lesbians. IT'S AWFUL!! Behind closed doors he yells at me as well. All the while saying, "GD", "MF", bitch, the "f" word, etc.... He threatens divorce at least once a week, and then turns it around on me by asking, " Is that what you want?" He called me a "worthless bitch" and " a worthless piece of sh**", luckily my girls weren't home to hear that. Once, he referred to my girls hair in the bathtub as, "cu** hair"! To me, that is one of the grossest, ugliest, and most vulgar things he could have said! (They didn't hear it, thank goodness.) I'm a stay home mom, so he usually gives me a credit card to keep in my wallet to use for groceries, gas, etc... On occasion, unbeknownst to me, he has taken it out of my wallet. I've experienced more than one "surprises" when I go to check out at the store. Fortunately, I've had some cash to cover the amount, or I've noticed beforehand that the card was gone. He usually "summons" me upstairs when he is in bed or getting ready for bed. Once, he called me upstairs...I went. He wanted me to pull up the bed comforter up for him b/c he was cold! He calls me on my cell phone all the time. I have to text him when I leave somewhere and then when I get home or to my destination. These things may seem trivial, but hearing them and living them are very different. I could give more examples of him pouting, yelling, threatening (in front of my daughters) to get rid of our pets, threatening to shut off (close the account) their phones if they don't clean their rooms. He is a big bully, to put it mildly. Every day we wait to see what kind of mood he's in. I don't like my girls hearing all of this and experiencing this on a daily basis. I've tried to talk to him about it. I've begged and pleaded, but to no avail. The only option to get away from all of this is to get a divorce. I'm a teacher, so I can support my girls, etc... I'm scared of the unknown, but I know I can do it. Luckily, I'm blessed with caring parents that would help me if I needed a little bit of financial help. I know he's abusive....verbally and emotionally. My blood pressure and my overall health are suffering. My daughters get upset and are stressed constantly. Is financial security by staying married worth all of this? I filed for divorce, but he doesn't know it yet. My dad and my brother are my attorneys, and they say to get it done. I'm scared of the unknown. Am I doing the right thing??


jrice110
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:21 PM
Thanks for reply. We're both white; he uses derogatory words about someone on television, etc.... It's so disrespectful, ignorant, and unacceptable.
Regarding his changed behavior.... I never saw the mean, moody, and abusive side of him until we moved in together after we married.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:23 PM
1 mom liked this

Then he must have a split personality and other mental issues. Get out of there. Don't subject your daughters to that shit.

Quoting jrice110: Thanks for reply. We're both white; he uses derogatory words about someone on television, etc.... It's so disrespectful, ignorant, and unacceptable. Regarding his changed behavior.... I never saw the mean, moody, and abusive side of him until we moved in together after we married.

 

jrice110
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:26 PM
Thanks for your input. I agree with you about him possibly having some type of psychological issue(s). It's like live with Dr Jekyl and Mr. Hyde from literally one minute to the next.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:28 PM
3 moms liked this

Nothing you wrote sounds trivial, the man is strait up abusing you and he sounds like a perv to boot. Get yourself and those girls away from him as soon as possible.

jrice110
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:30 PM
Thanks for your advice.
frankiesma530
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Ugh, if you have to ask...

tararod77
by on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:33 PM
2 moms liked this

Change and the unknown are VERY scary but I think your doing the right thing. Not just for you but for the girls as well. Good luck my friend!

Mommaca
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 1:58 PM

Why are you still with him? Verbal abuse of this kind can really leave you scarred, just leave

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)