I confronted him yesterday. Didn't start a fight, just calmly told him I know what he's doing and showed him proof. He of course denied it at first, but then had to admit to it. He admitted to talking to other women, he still claims that he never physically cheated.
He said that he never actually met up with the prostitutes the other night, that he called them and canceled. With the time line of him talking to them and then him getting home, that seems probably truthful. He was home within 40 minutes of the phone call...takes about 15 to get here from where they were...and I'm thinking 25 minutes would be awful quick to arrange money stuff, have a threesome, and leave. Possible I guess, but it doesn't seem like much time.
He said that he met up with his ex and her fiance the other day just to give them money for her son's birthday, that was a lie. And I told him that the conversation with her didn't seem very innocent at all and her fiance deserves to know what he's marrying. I told him that I had contacted her fiance (I haven't, but I am going to today).
He said that he has not physically cheated. He said that he has gotten to where he is bothered by our age difference - he's 36, I'm 27 - because random people have made comments that I look like I'm his daughter. He does look older than he is, and I look younger than I am. He said that he is having trouble wanting to have sex with me because of that and because I am pregnant and the baby moving around is weird (I'll give him that one, it is a little weird to have a baby kick in the middle of sex). He said that someone at work had told him he looked like he had low testosterone, and he was worried that his "stuff" would stop working, and since he was having trouble being turned on by me, he was trying to get turned on because he was scared that he was having issues and that I would leave him if he had to take Viagra or something.
I told him that obviously I can't change my age, but it's stupid for him to be so bothered by some random person at the gas station's opinion. It's not their relationship. I assured him that I think he's attractive and I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks. I also told him that he most likely does not have any problem with his testosterone level, and I don't know why someone would think that, and explained to him in medical terms why that does not make sense for him. I also told him that if he did end up at some point having to take Viagra or something that I would not be bothered by it, and would be happy with him taking action to keep us having a healthy sexual relationship.
I asked him why he moved me down here (he's been working out of town and just moved me and my kids here a few weeks ago) if he was going to do this, and he said because he really wanted to try and make things work, he loves me, and he wants our son to grow up with both his parents. I told him that cheating when I've been down here for 2 weeks is hardly giving anything time to work at all. Which he agreed with.
I asked him what he wanted, and he asked me to tell him first what I want. I told him that I think we could have a really great life together with the family we both want, but only if both of us put everything into this relationship. I asked him if he could be completely faithful, he sid yes. I told him that I do believe he loves me because I've seen it, and that I love him, but I need to be able to trust him.
He said that he wants to work through this, he agrees that we have a good life and he thinks we can have the relationship we want if we can get past this. So I didn't kick him out.
Now what bothers me about it is that he never really apologized for hurting me (granted, I never really said I was hurt). And right after the conversation, he went right back to the normal of him looking for a hot rod and then looking at houses for us to buy. Which I enjoyed of course, but I don't feel like this should be a situation where everything just goes right back to normal. I'm not sure he understands that things are going to have to change.
I didn't get to talk to him about it this morning, so hopefully I will tonight. I want to give him a list of things that I need from him for me to be willing to work on things. Like I want the dating accounts deleted, full access to his phone, all passwords, no deleting messages, he needs to be accountable for where he is at all times, and for the time being if he wants to hang out with friends they can come over or I can go with him. Is any of that unreasonable? I'm willing to do the same (full access to phone and passwords - I don't have dating accounts, or friends here). Any advice from you ladies would be helpful.