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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

I hate him! *update*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 46 Replies
1 mom liked this
I hate my DF. He's cheating and I know it, I've known it, I'm just not in a position where I can afford to leave right now. So I have to pretend everything is just fine when it's not. And I hate every second of it. It's getting really hard to bite my tongue. Especially when he's such a fucking hypocrite! Just the other day he was talking about his friend who's cheating on his gf and what an ass he is for driving around with other women in her car...When he's doing the same thing! I know he hasn't physically done anything the past few weeks because he's been home every day right after work and hasn't had to work late or leave early or anything. But he's up to something tonight. He just told me he has to go meet his friend to get the payment for the car he's buying from us. But he was looking for his nice jeans and he's in the shower now. Like why the hell does he need to dress up for a guy friend? So I asked him if while we're out (yes I not-so-subtly invited myself) we can get dinner somewhere. And he looked at me like I'd lost my fucking mind. So obviously I'm not invited. I can't believe he still thinks I don't know anything. Does he really think I'm that fucking stupid??? God I can't wait til I find a job so I can leave his ass and show him just who he's been fucking with.

UPDATE:

I confronted him yesterday. Didn't start a fight, just calmly told him I know what he's doing and showed him proof. He of course denied it at first, but then had to admit to it. He admitted to talking to other women, he still claims that he never physically cheated.
He said that he never actually met up with the prostitutes the other night, that he called them and canceled. With the time line of him talking to them and then him getting home, that seems probably truthful. He was home within 40 minutes of the phone call...takes about 15 to get here from where they were...and I'm thinking 25 minutes would be awful quick to arrange money stuff, have a threesome, and leave. Possible I guess, but it doesn't seem like much time.
He said that he met up with his ex and her fiance the other day just to give them money for her son's birthday, that was a lie. And I told him that the conversation with her didn't seem very innocent at all and her fiance deserves to know what he's marrying. I told him that I had contacted her fiance (I haven't, but I am going to today).
He said that he has not physically cheated. He said that he has gotten to where he is bothered by our age difference - he's 36, I'm 27 - because random people have made comments that I look like I'm his daughter. He does look older than he is, and I look younger than I am. He said that he is having trouble wanting to have sex with me because of that and because I am pregnant and the baby moving around is weird (I'll give him that one, it is a little weird to have a baby kick in the middle of sex). He said that someone at work had told him he looked like he had low testosterone, and he was worried that his "stuff" would stop working, and since he was having trouble being turned on by me, he was trying to get turned on because he was scared that he was having issues and that I would leave him if he had to take Viagra or something.
I told him that obviously I can't change my age, but it's stupid for him to be so bothered by some random person at the gas station's opinion. It's not their relationship. I assured him that I think he's attractive and I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks. I also told him that he most likely does not have any problem with his testosterone level, and I don't know why someone would think that, and explained to him in medical terms why that does not make sense for him. I also told him that if he did end up at some point having to take Viagra or something that I would not be bothered by it, and would be happy with him taking action to keep us having a healthy sexual relationship.
I asked him why he moved me down here (he's been working out of town and just moved me and my kids here a few weeks ago) if he was going to do this, and he said because he really wanted to try and make things work, he loves me, and he wants our son to grow up with both his parents. I told him that cheating when I've been down here for 2 weeks is hardly giving anything time to work at all. Which he agreed with.
I asked him what he wanted, and he asked me to tell him first what I want. I told him that I think we could have a really great life together with the family we both want, but only if both of us put everything into this relationship. I asked him if he could be completely faithful, he sid yes. I told him that I do believe he loves me because I've seen it, and that I love him, but I need to be able to trust him.
He said that he wants to work through this, he agrees that we have a good life and he thinks we can have the relationship we want if we can get past this. So I didn't kick him out.

Now what bothers me about it is that he never really apologized for hurting me (granted, I never really said I was hurt). And right after the conversation, he went right back to the normal of him looking for a hot rod and then looking at houses for us to buy. Which I enjoyed of course, but I don't feel like this should be a situation where everything just goes right back to normal. I'm not sure he understands that things are going to have to change.
I didn't get to talk to him about it this morning, so hopefully I will tonight. I want to give him a list of things that I need from him for me to be willing to work on things. Like I want the dating accounts deleted, full access to his phone, all passwords, no deleting messages, he needs to be accountable for where he is at all times, and for the time being if he wants to hang out with friends they can come over or I can go with him. Is any of that unreasonable? I'm willing to do the same (full access to phone and passwords - I don't have dating accounts, or friends here). Any advice from you ladies would be helpful.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 15, 2014 at 7:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
skrbelly
by Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 8:01 PM
Wow. This Sucks. Can you take a few things and just leave as soon as he leaves? Go stay with a friend or family member and don't call him for a few days. Weigh it out. I wouldn't be able to stay in such a disrespectful setting, but the financial reality is what it is. You could say, "Oh, I am so happy that you found someone else, because I have too, and I felt too guilty to leave. This is a huge weight off of me."
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2014 at 8:14 PM
He got all mad and left because he supposedly just wants to have a beer with his friend and he doesn't get why I can't just be happy and let him go. Yelled at me about it. If he didn't act like such an ass about it I wouldn't have cared. But when he clearly doesn't want me there, I don't even believe him that he's just going to meet his friend. I'm tempted to drive down the street and see if his car is where he supposedly is. He drives a bright orange car, not like he can hide that easily. But I feel like that's borderline psycho if I do that.

The really immature part of me wants to hook up with his other friend that likes me. Just to get back at him. Not that I would do it, I don't want anyone else. Just part of me wants to hurt him back you know?

Quoting skrbelly: Wow. This Sucks. Can you take a few things and just leave as soon as he leaves? Go stay with a friend or family member and don't call him for a few days. Weigh it out. I wouldn't be able to stay in such a disrespectful setting, but the financial reality is what it is. You could say, "Oh, I am so happy that you found someone else, because I have too, and I felt too guilty to leave. This is a huge weight off of me."
skrbelly
by Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 8:24 PM
You lose the sympathy if you go and cheat. People will not be as willing to help you out if you're causing your own mess. I would just leave without a word.
ETHnCEM
by Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 8:31 PM

I would be kicking him to the curb. The couch would be his new home. Guys can be so dumb, a woman can always tell when a man is cheating! My ex husband cheated on me. At first it was just texting and talking to them online and then he actually slept with his ex and hid it from me. I found out from HER. Needless to say, I left him. I can deal with a lot of things in a relationship but not infidelity! Oh and come to find out, his new wife wasn't "new" at all, he was talking to her about OUR marital problems for over a year behind my back!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2014 at 8:33 PM
I'm not going to. The thought of it makes me sick. It's just the desire to hurt him the way he's hurt me.

And how much it hurts knowing that it wouldn't hurt him one bit anyway.

Quoting skrbelly: You lose the sympathy if you go and cheat. People will not be as willing to help you out if you're causing your own mess. I would just leave without a word.
ETHnCEM
by Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 8:33 PM

And my advice, don't cheat for vengeance. One day, after its all said and done, you will find someone who loves and cares enough not to hurt you and you will be HAPPY, and that alone will be enough to hurt him. To see someone make you happier than he did. :) Good Luck and I hope everything works out!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 15, 2014 at 8:33 PM
1 mom liked this
Do it!!! Get proof.

Quoting Anonymous: He got all mad and left because he supposedly just wants to have a beer with his friend and he doesn't get why I can't just be happy and let him go. Yelled at me about it. If he didn't act like such an ass about it I wouldn't have cared. But when he clearly doesn't want me there, I don't even believe him that he's just going to meet his friend. I'm tempted to drive down the street and see if his car is where he supposedly is. He drives a bright orange car, not like he can hide that easily. But I feel like that's borderline psycho if I do that.

The really immature part of me wants to hook up with his other friend that likes me. Just to get back at him. Not that I would do it, I don't want anyone else. Just part of me wants to hurt him back you know?

Quoting skrbelly: Wow. This Sucks. Can you take a few things and just leave as soon as he leaves? Go stay with a friend or family member and don't call him for a few days. Weigh it out. I wouldn't be able to stay in such a disrespectful setting, but the financial reality is what it is. You could say, "Oh, I am so happy that you found someone else, because I have too, and I felt too guilty to leave. This is a huge weight off of me."
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2014 at 8:34 PM
Why do they think we don't know?

Quoting ETHnCEM:

I would be kicking him to the curb. The couch would be his new home. Guys can be so dumb, a woman can always tell when a man is cheating! My ex husband cheated on me. At first it was just texting and talking to them online and then he actually slept with his ex and hid it from me. I found out from HER. Needless to say, I left him. I can deal with a lot of things in a relationship but not infidelity! Oh and come to find out, his new wife wasn't "new" at all, he was talking to her about OUR marital problems for over a year behind my back!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2014 at 8:37 PM
I have a feeling that he wouldn't care for one second if I found someone else. His life would go on like I never existed to begin with.

And honestly at this point, if I leave him I don't want anyone else. Ever. I'm done doing this to myself and my kids. I just want to get a house up in the mountains where I can be peaceful and everyone can leave me the hell alone.

Quoting ETHnCEM:

And my advice, don't cheat for vengeance. One day, after its all said and done, you will find someone who loves and cares enough not to hurt you and you will be HAPPY, and that alone will be enough to hurt him. To see someone make you happier than he did. :) Good Luck and I hope everything works out!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2014 at 8:38 PM
He'll see me. Or he'll come home and flip out because I'm not here. My car isn't a bright color, but it's loud and not much easier to hide than his.

Quoting Anonymous: Do it!!! Get proof.

Quoting Anonymous: He got all mad and left because he supposedly just wants to have a beer with his friend and he doesn't get why I can't just be happy and let him go. Yelled at me about it. If he didn't act like such an ass about it I wouldn't have cared. But when he clearly doesn't want me there, I don't even believe him that he's just going to meet his friend. I'm tempted to drive down the street and see if his car is where he supposedly is. He drives a bright orange car, not like he can hide that easily. But I feel like that's borderline psycho if I do that.

The really immature part of me wants to hook up with his other friend that likes me. Just to get back at him. Not that I would do it, I don't want anyone else. Just part of me wants to hurt him back you know?

Quoting skrbelly: Wow. This Sucks. Can you take a few things and just leave as soon as he leaves? Go stay with a friend or family member and don't call him for a few days. Weigh it out. I wouldn't be able to stay in such a disrespectful setting, but the financial reality is what it is. You could say, "Oh, I am so happy that you found someone else, because I have too, and I felt too guilty to leave. This is a huge weight off of me."
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