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Real friends support you even when they don't agree!

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2014 at 12:35 PM
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My poor cousin recently went to rehab and joined AA and is really working hard on her sobriety.  She's finding out now that some of her so-called "friends" are not really her friends and is feeling pretty hurt by it.

We (the real friends and her family) are reminding her that if someone is REALLY her friend, they will still be there for her when she's sober and they will be happy for her and the changes she's making to make her life, and her daughter's life, better.

by on Mar. 16, 2014 at 12:35 PM
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by Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 11:17 PM

Sounds like they weren't real friends.  Probably more like drinking buddies. Someone trying to get sober just convicts them and calls them out without even trying to.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 16, 2014 at 11:23 PM

Those  so called friends  are not  friends.  They are drinking buddies and she needs to leave them behind  and concentrate  on making  sober   friends.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 12:34 AM

Drinking buddies aren't friends. The attraction is the alcohol.  She will find real friends along the road to sobriety. These people will befriend her and not her habit.  Best of luck to her.  It's hard, but hang in their with her because YOU are her friend.

by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 4:04 AM
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I don't agree with the post title. A real friend will actually not agree with you on everything, but still wants the best for you. In your post though, I agree. If your relative wanted to change for the better, usually the "friends" who have the same issue will try to make the person fail. Just because they are afraid of change. Thats when we need to see reality. This people need to be cut off her life since they have been enabling this kind of life and behavior. They will continue if she lets them. Good luck for her!
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 10:21 AM
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I'm glad your cousin has a good family to stand by her. I wish her well.
by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 11:13 AM
Maybe they are more the enabling type than friends. I am sure with sobriety, she will have to shed some.people to get healthy.
I hooe she will realize who her support people are soon.
by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 12:04 PM

They weren't real friends to begin with.

by Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 1:04 PM

Real friends are a dime a dozen.

I know when my daughter put bubbles in her friends lunch (last month) after the girl said she was done with her lunch.  I received an email from the girl's mother she and I had become friends and were texting each other every day with out problems and just every day things. Her and her husband  accused my daughter of maybe poisoning her since December, since her daughter had been sick and lost a lot of weight. Yet, they never too her to the doctors to see what was wrong with her. The mother in her text threw things at me that I said to her in private. Turns out the girl had a virus and her daughter started speaking to my daughter at school.

I don't fight that way, you tell me things I'm not one to use them against you.  But, many people do.

You cousin will find people in this world that we become her friends.  The friends that don't judge her for who she is or what she believes in.  Things may be bad for her right now, but over time she will find someone that will help her over come and be happy with herself.  I'm not saying a relationship.  But, friends come out when u least expect them.

We are all judgment and some of us take things so far when it comes to friendships. 

by Silver Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 11:49 AM

Absolutely! She probably will have to change her social circle, that's part of the program. Bless your heart for supporting her.

by Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 1:13 PM

In your example I agree with you.  But being a friend doesn't mean you support them no matter what they do.  Being a parent doesn't even mean that.  

If my adult children decided to be deadbeats and not work, no way in hell would I support that.  I wouldn't support them financially nor emotionally.  I would still love them, but tell them its all going to be ok or pay the bills they can't because of their choices?  Nope.

Similarly, I wouldn't support my friend marrying an abusive man, or some other self destructive behavior.

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