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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Can't believe DH said this

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
After losing 20 pounds since February 2013, I gained about 5 back. I'm 5'3" and have always had chunky legs and calves. My thighs got smaller but calves stayed the same.

I was trying on a dress for a cousin's wedding in May and asked DH what he thought. Looked me up and down, "starting to get a little cankly, baby."

Speechless. Said, they've always been this way. I have Body Dysmorphia, and I know I'm sensitive about stupid things but his response to my same-size "cankles"?

"Wow. Genetics are not good to you."

Are you f*cking KIDDING me? All I could do was storm out, grabbed a pillow and blanket to sleep on the couch. He went to bed. No apology or anything. Am I overreacting?
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 18, 2014 at 3:35 AM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 18, 2014 at 11:52 AM
Telling me "genetics aren't good to you" wasn't in anyway called for. He's joked that I'm defective.

I asked him about the dress, not about insecurities I've always had that he's just noticing.

Quoting Anonymous: Honestly, you asked . Men aren't the best at being sensitive and sometimes don't word things the best, so you have to be careful when asking some men for advice. Don't ask if you don't want to hear something that might hurt. My husband will tell me ( if I ask) if something doesn't look right on me or if I've put on a few , but he's careful not to say it in a hurtful way. Some men just say it however the like and it comes out hurtful. Ask yourself is what he said true? Did he say it the right way, no. Does he still love you, I'm sure he does, but he was insensitive. Talk to him about how it made you feel, then move past it.
.anonymous
by on Mar. 18, 2014 at 1:30 PM
No matter what, what he said was insensitive and mean.
EmilyH87
by Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 1:38 PM

I would have slapped him. Asshole.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Mar. 18, 2014 at 1:50 PM

There was no reason for him to be rude, yes some men can be dense, but your spouse would have to be a few IQ points above a banana to think "wow, genetics aren't good to you" is in anyway appropriate. The cankles remark was uncalled for, and most men are in fact smart enough not to say something like that. He was just being an a-hole, he at the very least should have apologized.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Mar. 18, 2014 at 1:53 PM
My husband made the comment when I was seven months pregnant, "I think you're too big to f***" then he recently made the comment, "I think this goes over the weight limit" the second time he apologized and said "I mean for me sitting on here" so I know what you mean! Men are assholes!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Mar. 18, 2014 at 3:07 PM
1 mom liked this

No, your not overreacting. The question you asked him was what he thought of you in your dress? The correct answers were yes, I think you look good in the dress or no, I honestly think you should look for another dress. Congratulations on the weight loss and good luck on continuing to lose the weight.

eclaudin
by Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 7:11 PM
I would have kicked him in the balls, or said something to the effect of genetics not being kind to him in the length and girth department. Luckily my husband is smart enough to know the types of things you don't comment on, and if he doesn't have something nice to say to keep his trap shut!!!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Mar. 18, 2014 at 8:39 PM
Why do people stay in a relationship with someone who treats them like this? Obviously he didn't think you looked good. Next time tell him to lie if that's what you want.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 18, 2014 at 9:31 PM
He never says things like that. We're both very sarcastic but he knows my struggles with BDD and my weight, and he's very happy with my body - apparently not in the dress. That's why I was in such disbelief when he said it. He didn't even realize what I was offended by, he said it was "meant to be endearing". How? Couldn't tell you.

Quoting Anonymous: Why do people stay in a relationship with someone who treats them like this? Obviously he didn't think you looked good. Next time tell him to lie if that's what you want.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Mar. 18, 2014 at 10:02 PM
He couldn't tell? But you stormed out and slept on the couch.

Quoting Anonymous: He never says things like that. We're both very sarcastic but he knows my struggles with BDD and my weight, and he's very happy with my body - apparently not in the dress. That's why I was in such disbelief when he said it. He didn't even realize what I was offended by, he said it was "meant to be endearing". How? Couldn't tell you.

Quoting Anonymous: Why do people stay in a relationship with someone who treats them like this? Obviously he didn't think you looked good. Next time tell him to lie if that's what you want.
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