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porn to my baby boys

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Our 11 yrold came to us this past thursday and told me and their step dad tht his biodad showed him and his lil brother pornography My dh and I have taken all steps and called the police and now have an investigation going what I want to know what gonna happen after they interview our boys? I feel so bad they have to deal with this.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 24, 2014 at 8:46 PM
Replies (121-124):
thefiregoddess
by Bronze Member on May. 23, 2014 at 4:30 AM
At 13 they are horny.

Guess its illegal to be a adolescent now.


Quoting momto3B:

I am sorry, but maybe you want to put your "hope chest porn collection" in something a little more safe then your "hope chest" so your teenagers don't get it.  Seriously - you have never heard of a lock box?  Or better yet, don't have a porn collection for a few years - yeesh.

Quoting Anonymous:

My now 16 year old snooped in our room and took a DVD of porn into his room and watched porn at the age of 13. My porn and toys were in my closet in a hope chest. I thought they'd be safe.I guess the cops should of been called on me.

I found out when I went looking for a DVD in sons room that he had took from the family collection.

Honestly it sounds like your kids were snooping I highly doubt a grown man would show his kids porn at that age.

If it truly happen I'm sorry.

Quoting Anonymous: Our 11 yrold came to us this past thursday and told me and their step dad tht his biodad showed him and his lil brother pornography My dh and I have taken all steps and called the police and now have an investigation going what I want to know what gonna happen after they interview our boys? I feel so bad they have to deal with this.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 25 on May. 23, 2014 at 5:09 AM
We saw it as kids as part of the sex talk. I'm not damaged from it. It's nbd.
Canadiana
by Member on May. 23, 2014 at 6:59 AM

 If you have to ask, you are too messed up to realize it... Good grief.

Quoting BeiberHATER:

 Not really. How is it messed up?

Quoting Anonymous: Thats pretty messed up
Quoting BeiberHATER:

 Ok, I got into my dad's porn stash when I was 8. Your kid was probably being nosey and got into his porn and what he saw shocked the hell out of him and he didn't know how to deal with it.

Be prepared for the questions about what hew saw.

BTW, by the time I was 13 I had a porn and sex toy collection stash that put my dad's to shame. When I became an adult, he would even borrow some of my porn movies from me. His favorite was SNOOP DOGG'S DOGGYSTYLE...lol

 

 

lancet98
by Member on May. 23, 2014 at 7:30 AM
1 mom liked this

Well there probably has been enough bickering on this thread, though I guess some are not yet convinced.

 Since different people have such different ideas about what is 'appropriate' it's inevitable that a subject like this is bound to start some arguments.

But much of the argument on this thread, as usual, has been about people pretending two very different situations are the same, and trying to defend their own behavior in a VERY different situation.  

It is quite different for a teen to go snooping around looking for porn vs an ex husband showing two younger boys porn during a visit after divorce, probably largely because he thinks it will upset his ex wife.  

Though some men actually believe it's the way to 'introduce' a young male to sex and will give him the 'proper attitude' of being a manly man.

Some exes do a fair amount of this - and it may simply be antagonizing an ex and enjoying her being upset.   They'll generally pick on whatever they know will most bother their ex.   

Under the law, the ex could be in a fair amount of trouble.   He could lose the right to have his kids visit him unsupervised.    It depends on exactly what happened.  He might argue that the kids 'just walked in on his friends and him' one late night, and act contrite and shocked and convince some judges that it was unintentional.   Or not.   If there are other problems during his visits or there is already a lengthy list of official complaints, he may lose his rights to unsupervised visits.  

To the central question - are the OP's children damaged by this experience?

Maybe you think that it's ok if the kids 'wanted to', if they 'chose to'.  Then they are 'ready', and 'some kids are ready much sooner than others'.   I think being 'ready sooner' is largely a product of the adults and older kids around the child, and that kids really just aren't ready til they're starting to experience puberty in a more...'organized' way.

I wouldn't mistake young children's childish curiosity as 'readiness' to witness sex.   

Did the kids 'willingly' watch?  That isn't really a good way to judge the situation.  Kids generally go along with just about anything adults tell them to do (look at how many child molesters get their kids to cooperate with them - they take advantage of their adult authority over a child and their obedience to adults, which is why the law protects children).   And generally, IF an experience has a bad effect on them, you don't find out for some years.   

No one has any rule by which you can tell, at what point a kid has been 'damaged' by premature exposure to sex - it's called premature sexualization.  

My own guess, and it's just a guess, that it depends a lot on the situation.  

For example, if kids are awakened and brought into a a bunch of males who are m*********** and being very aroused by some hard core porn that features violence, repeatedly, for hours, and the adults obviously are getting aroused by making the kids watch it, are touching the kids sexually.   YES a friend had this happen to him when he was 8, and yes, CPS thought it was sexual abuse of a child.   He was outta there as fast as it took CPS to get there.   Never saw his dad again, never wanted to.  And yes, grew up to have problems with depression, drinking and relationships.

That is a very different situation from watching from the stairs when you're supposed to be in bed, while a couple guys are laughing their heads off and making fun of a movie called 'Bimbo Bowlers from Buffalo', that they happened to channel surf to for a few seconds.

Kids are 'designed' to withstand such light encounters with sex.   Kids have been walking in on mom and dad, seeing a glimpse of this or that in the shower, and playing doctor with each other, and not turning so much as a single hair, for thousands of years.

The problem comes when the experience is about power and violence.

In the first case the experience is very intense, repeated, lengthy, involves a lot of violence, and the children are obviously being made a part of the sexual experience of the adults.   There are gradations, definitely, but the first example is the kind of thing that really can harm kids.   What happens to them?   They get obsessed with sex, either hating it or being fascinated with it, and it tends to disturb the person's attempts at intimacy later on - they may have serious problems having good close relationships.  Adult anger and depression are common outcomes.   Counseling helps, but few get sufficient counseling to make a difference.

The OP doesn't actually KNOW if the situation was more like the first or the second example.   She's obviously upset.   There's a chance that the ex did this largely just to upset her and that it was a harmless situation.

There's also the possibility it wasn't.   

No one knows yet.




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