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Should my dad come to my wedding

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:37 PM
  • 12 Replies
So this has been on my mind for months now. Should my dad come to my wedding?

You're probably thinking; why wouldn't my dad be at my wedding? Well that is the weird, crazy story of my life.

I was married for 9years and my ex husbands mother is married to my father. (Weird I know, and no we aren't from West Virginia lol. My father married my ex's mother after I was married for 4 years). I've been divorced now for 3 years and in a couple of months will be getting married again to the greatest guy I could have ever dreamed for.

There's been A LOT of drama between me and my ex mother-in-law over this 11+ years and we have never had a great relationship. The fact my dad is married to my ex's mother makes things very hard. My dad doesn't have a relationship with my sister (because of his wife).
The only reason I have a relationship with hi at all is because of my children. My kids are babies anymore and they love their grandparents and want to see them and I'm not going to take that away from him. So because of my kids I have that little relationship.

I'm going through some hard times right now and can't even ask my dad for help because of his wife. Because if they were to help me in any way I would never hear the end of it.

But my heart and head are torn right now. I do love my dad and I wish he was the father he was before he got married to that crazy bitch he calls his wife. He is a different person/parent, one that I don't really like or care for. He is a bit two faced. He is that loving caring dad when he isn't around his wife, but the second he is he is nothing like he was before.

In a lot of ways I don't want my dad at my wedding because it's my wedding day and I want the whole day to be filled with happiness and love. I want period there that actually care about me and my soon to be husband and etc. But then I also don't want to look back one day and wish that he was there.

Anyone have anything? Any advice?
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
offrdngal
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:51 PM
4 moms liked this
Have you ever told any of this to your dad? If not, you should. Take him out to dinner (will he go without her) and tell him how you feel. He will either get mad or he will understand. Once you tell him, then based on his response, you can make your decision.
Good luck
DanaG70
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Boy talk about being in between a rock and a hard place... personally? I would flat out tell him that you would really like to have him there, but she isn't welcome and let him know why. Don't even sugar coat it. 

Let him know that if he insists on bringing her, they both aren't welcome. Sorry you have to be in this spot.

spunknsass
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Exactly what the other two said. personally I would invite him (after you told him how you feel) but I wouldn't allow the wife. Sorry you're in this mess!

mmmveggies
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:17 PM
1 mom liked this
Miss Manners would say you need to invite your dad and his wife to your wedding. The concern is whether not inviting him would insult him so much as to damage your relationship. And inviting his wife, while not only proper, would be extending an olive branch and would make you appear to be the better person. A wedding is supposed to be a coming together of families.
I say this as someone who was recently married, and whose dad is with an absolutely evil person. They were both invited, and neither ended up coming, but I got the goodwill of extending an invitation.
I think the only way it would be okay not to invite her is if you're sure she would make a scene.
Erin_nel_mom
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:29 PM
I have talked to my dad about things, but like I said he is one way when he is alone and another around her.
And there is no way in hell that his wife would be invited to the wedding, and he knows that as well. For 11+ years I have been the bigger person with her, taking all her shit and her calling me every name in the book and lots more but too much to share lol.
She is the kind of person that would make problems. She wormed her way to find my wedding website and started posting nasty comments in the guest book. She has called my mother, my grandmother, my aunts and posts nasty comments on Facebook. I have blocked her from everything so she can't and doesn't have access to anything to do with me, but she still finds a way to make problems.
The reason I have an issue with my dad is because my dad lets her do whatever she wants. He doesn't really say anything to her and even if he does, it doesn't do anything and he is always by her side no matter what.
mmmveggies
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:04 PM
My dad's girlfriend is almost as bad, how awful for you to put up with her as a MIL. I only invited her bc I was 100% sure she wouldn't come. Otherwise, there'd be a restraining order involved.

Quoting Erin_nel_mom: I have talked to my dad about things, but like I said he is one way when he is alone and another around her.
And there is no way in hell that his wife would be invited to the wedding, and he knows that as well. For 11+ years I have been the bigger person with her, taking all her shit and her calling me every name in the book and lots more but too much to share lol.
She is the kind of person that would make problems. She wormed her way to find my wedding website and started posting nasty comments in the guest book. She has called my mother, my grandmother, my aunts and posts nasty comments on Facebook. I have blocked her from everything so she can't and doesn't have access to anything to do with me, but she still finds a way to make problems.
The reason I have an issue with my dad is because my dad lets her do whatever she wants. He doesn't really say anything to her and even if he does, it doesn't do anything and he is always by her side no matter what.
OrangeBalloon
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:09 PM

I'm sorry OP. I have a horrible step mother that tries to stick her nose into everything. 

nanny1918
by Silver Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 3:02 PM
I look at weddings and babies as a good time to start over and heal.
Of course that's hard to do with a crazy person :)
I would tell your father everything you just wrote in your post and then invite them both. After all, she is your children's grandmother.
Erin_nel_mom
by Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 3:10 PM
Weddings are about family coming together and etc. But as I had said she is not welcome anywhere near my wedding, because she is the kind of person who would make a scene and cause problems.
A lot of people say just invite her because she probably won't show, well she would show. She is my kids grandmother and she gets to see her grandchildren. But just because she is their grandmother doesn't mean she should be invited to my wedding.

And I have told my dad everything, the thing is, he doesn't really care. Well it seems like he doesn't care. He is one way then other way.

Quoting nanny1918: I look at weddings and babies as a good time to start over and heal.
Of course that's hard to do with a crazy person :)
I would tell your father everything you just wrote in your post and then invite them both. After all, she is your children's grandmother.
MyDiwa
by Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 3:31 PM
1 mom liked this
To answer your question - yes, your dad should be at your wedding. Whether he actually will be or not is up to him. Send him an invitation, but since you've decided you don't want his wife there, and you've spoken to him at length about how you feel about his wife, make it clear that it is just for him. Then he can decide if he wants to miss his daughter's wedding or not. There may be sadness, but no regret on your part.
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