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I can't kill

Posted by Anonymous
  • 13 Replies
Myself, but I wish I could. I won't do that to my kids, but it would be merciful for God to take me any day now. I regret calling the hotline when I od'd at 15. I should have died but I tried to have faith that moving out of my abusive parents house would change my life.. but 5 years later I have let my marriage fall apart, or caused it, idk. I am a sahm and have no way of moving out so we're stuck for now, unless he decides to actually leave. My husband says I'm overly mean to the kids but I try to tell them constantly that I love them, and to praise them when they do anything good.
There is no "getting help". Tried it all before, everything. My best shot is to go back on a med that makes me a zombie bc at least then I can suffer through the rest of my life silently and pleasantly. The thought of decades more of enduring life is heartbreaking.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 4, 2014 at 12:09 AM
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 4, 2014 at 12:13 AM

You need to call one of the hotlines, or get to your Dr and get some meds.  Not all meds will turn you into a zombie.

by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 12:20 AM
New meds?
Different doctor?
Do you exercise? Eat right? Have a hormonal imbalance?
Why are you stuck? Is there anything you can do to fix it?

Please speak to a professional. Don't give up. Not only for your kids but for you!
by New Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 12:29 AM

getting help is a long and hard process, and I sometimes it isn't right for everyone. There is ups and downs in everyone's life. You will get through it (:

by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 12:35 AM
1 mom liked this
You're crying for help here. Why not identify yourself, stop hiding behind depression and grab it by the horns. Life is NOT as bad as you think.
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 4, 2014 at 12:37 AM

I know what you mean about the meds making you feel like a zombie! I went to the Dr. for anti-depressants. Every single one of them did NOTHING except make me extremely sleepy!! I could only get out of bed long enough to get my kids all off to school, then I would come home and back to bed I would go! I tried like 6 or 7 different meds! ALL of them I called zombie pills! I said SCREW IT and stopped!!

Get some help for your situation! Good luck!

by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 12:40 AM
Killing yourself will not do anything for you. Find the root cause of your depression and no matter how hard or hurtful it may be tackle it head on. Talk to people, pray, let it out and let it go. Life will get better when you look at it differently. Looking through a goofy window shows a foggy appearance no matter how pretty if is outside. I hope you get the help you need . Prayers are going up for you. Or should I say went up ??
by Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 7:20 AM
I'm sorry to hear your going through that as well. Be strong and push through it for those kids of yoyrs. Trust I feel sad and stressed and think why...its too much sometimes...but for my kids I must. My situation is different its just me and my kids right now. So I'm doing the job for two pep plus a village. Lol I have three kids. Call on God and do your part by doing whatever it takes to stay sane.
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 4, 2014 at 9:02 AM
  •  I have been going through the same , maybe not your excact reason to want God just to take me away . For the past 20 years I have just wanted to vanish from this world, because no one would notice no one would care. I feel alone I OD'd 3 years ago and regret that my husband forund me . I took over 50 pills and just laid there waiting with my eyes closed . I have been a manic depressive for 15 years and it sucks crying everyday, no one to talk to, no ones shoulder to cry on. And I always find myself lending mine to cry on my ears to listen to everyone elses problems that just add on to mine . After I awoke in the hospital 3 days later " I WAS PISSED" not only at my husband for finding me but at myself because it was a selfish act , I was going to leave my two beatiful children behind and eventually my husband would have met someone and let another female raise my children . It will not happen , no other will raise my children except me . I still have my everyday depression I have been on numerous medications and still  nothing takes it away , but then again I have never been on the real strong stuff that they give you in a nut house (not yet anyways) I face everyday struggles just to get out of bed and give my kids the attention they need the guidence they need . I try not to cry in front of them , and when my daughter sees me getting upset she comes and hugs me and tells me "I love you Mom and it will get better" What does a 7yr old know about getting better I have no clue but I feel that it is God Speaking through her. I love my children with all my heart I would give my life up for them .If I feel that I am doing them more harm then good such as attidtude with them lashing out " I step Back and realize that My Depression and aggravation is not their faults it is my fault. I was taking in to much then I could handle I was letting everyone elses problems become my own . And I put a stop to it all . I learned to love myself again I see the beauty in life now it took me trying to take my own life and not succeding to see that .
  • I don't pray like I should I don't open up to people like I should but I know this I know God is right besides me and he will help me when I fall he will comnfort me through my childrens laughter,unconditional love, and their sweet sweet I love you Mom!!! They are the ones that keep me going.
  • You have your children to watch grow, you are here to give them love onlyt a mother can give..
  • Remeber people out there love you some may not show it well as others .
  • There is always someone to talk to . Prayers for you to find peace in your soul and that you find guidence .. butterflyLook forward to tomorrow never look back ... *HUGS**
by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 9:05 AM


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