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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Can't take it anymore **vent** Sorry, kind of long. **Edit**

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 49 Replies
2 moms liked this

OMG I can't take it anymore! My SO has been putting me last when it comes to us. I don't even know how to explain it but I'll try. This is a continual problem, NOT the first time we've had this issue.

We had plans tonight. He decided to hang out with a friend, which would interfere with our plans, without seeing if I would be okay with it. I would have been fine if he had said something like "Would you  mind if I had a beer with my friend? I'll be a little later but we can still do what we had planned, just a little later."

Ok, thanks for asking. I don't mind, what time will you be home? (would have been my response).

Instead he texted me and TOLD me he was going to hang out with this friend, like I was only a second thought to him and our plans were not important.

This would not have been such a big deal if he hadn't just spent the last three weekends with friends while leaving me to hold down the fort, with HIS three kids. He went to a friend's bday party, got drunk and didn't come home last Friday. Spent the previous Saturday at a friend's while I was home with all of his kids. 

We're both busy with work, life, kids, etc. I am working while he goes to school full time, I'm making many sacrifices such as putting my degree on hold while he finishes his, I'm working full time and paying the majority of the bills. Some respect and consideration would be nice but he feels that his individual desires come before our relationship.

So, I changed the locks and packed his fucking clothes and some toiletries and put them outside. FUCKER. I'm going to look at an apartment tomorrow, this is the second I've looked at. I'm not a fucking door mat. You want to do what you want when you want? Then BE SINGLE.


EDIT: Sorry I wasn't more clear about the kids. He has four; one lives with us. I have three; one lives with us. Five are here EOW and I am mostly responsible for his three kids, and mine of course when they're here. He is usually at school or work when they come over.

When he's not working/at school he likes to be social and be with friends occasionally, but enough to be a problem. We will do things as a family occasionally but sometimes he'll trump our plans to be with friends. 

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:13 PM

Anybody? I'm so fucking pissed, moreso at myself. I had faith in him and trusted him to uphold his end. I'm just so sick over this. I cannot live like this. Having him put me second after all I've done for him these last two years. What a chump I am for thinking things would work out.

He doesn't even think he did anything wrong! What a fucking douche!

TisHerself
by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:23 PM
1 mom liked this

I can't blame you for feeling hurt. I'm assuming you've talked with him about how you are feeling? If so, and he has made no effort to change, I think you are wise to get out now. 

psych_mom
by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:27 PM
Sounds like it's time he grows up. He has kids and is out getting drunk- not my idea of stability and dependability. Plus he's putting you last so he can again go out and drink.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:30 PM

I have, and he's told me he's sorry and won't do it again. This is an ongoing pattern with him. I'm thinking about my future because I'm devastated every time he does it, I cannot see doing this for the rest of my life.

I have given him the benefit of the doubt and enough chances for this to be a problem that he's not willing to work on or discontinue. He says that he's going to do what he wants to do because he's a grown ass man.

Fine. Be a grown ass man on your own because relationships mean putting "us" before "me", something he's evidently not good at.

Quoting TisHerself:

I can't blame you for feeling hurt. I'm assuming you've talked with him about how you are feeling? If so, and he has made no effort to change, I think you are wise to get out now. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:33 PM

When you say HIS kids does that mean you are the step mom? Sorry you have to go through this! He's not an 18 year old college student so he can go party hardy... Have you talked to him about how this has makes you feel?

OP Ignore my "have you talked to him" Question. Just read your reply above.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:35 PM

He has his good moments, but moments like this cannot outweigh the good in my opinion.

You're right, he isn't dependable when I need him to be, when he has promised me his time. He has broken my trust one too many times and I cannot live like that.

This is going to be so hard but I have to be strong. I've been through worse but I love him so much, or rather what I have made him out to be in my mind.

Quoting psych_mom: Sounds like it's time he grows up. He has kids and is out getting drunk- not my idea of stability and dependability. Plus he's putting you last so he can again go out and drink.


TisHerself
by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:37 PM

I've been married for 20+ years. While negotiation is definitely necessary, in the end I know that each of us would do what is necessary for the relationship. Sometimes it's me first, sometimes it is him, but it is the give-and-take that makes it work. Doesn't sound like you have that. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:41 PM

We're not married so no, but his kids do call me their stepmom.

His 16 yo dd lives with us and I'm responsible for her a lot of the time. He has four kids that are with us part-time but he has no qualms taking off for half the day to hang with his friends. I practically have to beg him to put us first sometimes.

Sometimes I feel like he is still an 18 yo college student. He likes to be social, which is fine, but not when your family is put on the back burner so you can party and have fun while others (me) are left to be the responsible one.

He actually makes me out to be the one with the problem when I decide to stay home with my kids instead of party with him!!!! This was the party where he got drunk and didn't come home.

Quoting Anonymous:

When you say HIS kids does that mean you are the step mom? Sorry you have to go through this! He's not an 18 year old college student so he can go party hardy... Have you talked to him about how this has makes you feel? OP Ignore my "have you talked to him" Question. Just read your reply above.


petitekatie
by Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:41 PM
This. I'm also wondering what you did with the kids. Are they really HIS or both of yours?

Quoting TisHerself:

I can't blame you for feeling hurt. I'm assuming you've talked with him about how you are feeling? If so, and he has made no effort to change, I think you are wise to get out now. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:44 PM

That is just terrible! Maybe you do need to move on. :( Sucks for the kids, but you have to do what is best for YOU and your children.

Quoting Anonymous:

We're not married so no, but his kids do call me their stepmom.

His 16 yo dd lives with us and I'm responsible for her a lot of the time. He has four kids that are with us part-time but he has no qualms taking off for half the day to hang with his friends. I practically have to beg him to put us first sometimes.

Sometimes I feel like he is still an 18 yo college student. He likes to be social, which is fine, but not when your family is put on the back burner so you can party and have fun while others (me) are left to be the responsible one.

He actually makes me out to be the one with the problem when I decide to stay home with my kids instead of party with him!!!! This was the party where he got drunk and didn't come home.

Quoting Anonymous:

When you say HIS kids does that mean you are the step mom? Sorry you have to go through this! He's not an 18 year old college student so he can go party hardy... Have you talked to him about how this has makes you feel? OP Ignore my "have you talked to him" Question. Just read your reply above.



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