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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

My ex is getting married and our kids aren't invited?!

Posted by on Apr. 14, 2014 at 7:40 PM
  • 27 Replies

My ex husband and I divorced in 2004 when our kids were 1 and 2. Besides being young and dumb, he clearly wasn't ready to be committed to anything - wife, children, job, etc.  Fast forward 10 years later, I have been remarried to an amazing man and we have a 2 year old in addition to my older two who are now almost 11 and 12. 

In 2008, we moved two states away which basically put my ex-husbands visitation time to spring break, a few weeks in the summer, a week over Christmas, and every other Thanksgiving, but he can come visit them on any 1st or 3rd weekend if he gives me a week notice.  Well, over the course of the past 6 years, he's visited them maybe 5 times - and I paid for a hotel for him each of those times.  We've had to go back to court twice over child support and over visitation - basically shortening it in the summer - the kids were NOT happy and as they got older, they got involved in activities that they didn't want to miss. 

He has, of course, been through a multitude of women, and relatively recently, got back together with a former girlfriend and moved into her place - (as much as I think this lady is crazy for wanting to be with him, she's really nice to my kids and makes sure they are taken care of when they are visiting).  Today, my ex called my kids and told them he and his GF are getting married next month ON MY DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY which is on a Monday, knowing that there is no way they could attend any wedding.  My son is "hurt and confused" as to why he wouldn't just wait until they could be there, but my daughter is devastated because they 'promised' her she could be in the wedding and also because she feels like now their anniversary is going to 'take over' her birthday. 

When my husband (who has a daughter from his previous marriage) and I married, we made it a point to make it a ceremony about becoming a family - the kids were a big part of it (we even did vows to our children).  I can't imagine why on earth they would want to get married and not share it with the kids! Of course, we certainly have different outlooks on life which is why he is an ex, but come on.  Common sense here. 

Should I even bother saying something to him?  He doesn't really take anything I have to say seriously - I think his narcissism makes every interaction with me into some kind of 'war battle' which someone has to win...what do I even say to my kids?! Anything?  Or should I continue to let him hang himself with his own rope as he's slowly been doing over the years despite my continued effort to try to make things good for my kids' sake?

by on Apr. 14, 2014 at 7:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 14, 2014 at 9:04 PM
2 moms liked this
I did not invite my children to my second marriage. But I don't think getting married on his daughters birthday is appropriate. No matter what you say or do if it really bothers your kids trust me they will wise up and see who dad really is..
WonderWoman22
by Member on Apr. 14, 2014 at 9:10 PM

 That was not cool... I think you should call. WTH was she thinking when she planned her wedding!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 14, 2014 at 9:33 PM

That's wrong of them. My ex got married and didn't even tell our kids. They heard about it after the fact. He asked me to keep the kids for Easter break 2 years ago cause he had to go away to training for his job. Found out from some of his family that I am still close to he had gotten married and went to Disney and took his now wife's 4 kids and they were all at the wedding but his kids weren't even important enough to tell about it. When the kids found out they weren't even surprised they said they knew he put his step kids before them. I think that's the moment he truely lost the kids cause now they don't care if they go or not. It breaks my heart for them.

MomMomMomMama
by Member on Apr. 14, 2014 at 9:43 PM


Quoting WonderWoman22:

 That was not cool... I think you should call. WTH was she thinking when she planned her wedding!!!

Well, I don't think they are doing anything other than going to the court house - which is fine, whatever they want, you know, none of my business.  The kids were actually supposed to be visiting this week, but my oldest runs track and ended up with a meet this week and told his dad he'd rather stay here.  All communication was between my ex and my kids - he never even spoke to me about it.  But, he told the kids they could stay at home this week.  If he would actually communicate with me like an adult, he could have informed me that they wanted to get married during the week and I would have ensured the kids visited him this week - I would think their dad getting married was more important than a 6th grade track meet!

 My point of view is that I think that marriage, especially since they are already products of divorced parents, needs to be taken seriously and not flippantly.  And when a marriage means a blended family (my ex's GF has a daughter), some showing of unity should be done so that they can feel like they are a part of the togetherness!   My ex gives my daughter all kinds of crap when she says her last name is my and my husband's last name even though she obviously has my ex's last name and sees that as me trying to brainwash her (I've never, ever pushed that) instead of her just wanting to feel like she belongs to a family unit.  She already avoids his calls and doesn't regard him as much of a father figure, even though we encourage her to talk to him and to be positive - I feel like this is just pushing them further away.

amandacr1026
by Bronze Member on Apr. 14, 2014 at 10:12 PM
3 moms liked this

Do not say anything negative to the kids. I wouldn't worry about saying anything to the ex. Just let it go. there isn't anything you can do to change the situation and you're right.. he's hanging himself. he'll have to face the kids one day.

Cassidymarie
by Member on Apr. 14, 2014 at 11:34 PM

i think you should say something to him about it and there is no reason to exclude the kids and do it on your daughters birthday my ex husband got married the day before my daughters birthday and i was very upset because i know that she is going to be overlooked every year but you should really try to tAlk to him about it

trulyblessed618
by Member on Apr. 14, 2014 at 11:44 PM
1 mom liked this
I think you should let him know how the kids feel...if he doesn't change things at least you let him know and it just shows even more what a jerk off he is.
MichelleNichole
by Member on Apr. 14, 2014 at 11:48 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow that is really shitty of him.

Quoting Anonymous:

That's wrong of them. My ex got married and didn't even tell our kids. They heard about it after the fact. He asked me to keep the kids for Easter break 2 years ago cause he had to go away to training for his job. Found out from some of his family that I am still close to he had gotten married and went to Disney and took his now wife's 4 kids and they were all at the wedding but his kids weren't even important enough to tell about it. When the kids found out they weren't even surprised they said they knew he put his step kids before them. I think that's the moment he truely lost the kids cause now they don't care if they go or not. It breaks my heart for them.

sarahfaith123
by Member on Apr. 15, 2014 at 5:03 AM
Sounds like he did it on purpose - a Monday is totally odd for a wedding day. Sad that he's leaving them out but I don't think you can change it. Your kids are old enough to tell him themselves too in my opinion. It will be hard to get through but I might do something extra special for your dd birthday. Sorry idk really.
facethetruth2b
by on Apr. 15, 2014 at 5:59 AM
3 moms liked this
IN my opinion you should leave it alone. The kids see what is going on and they will have remorse toward their father .He is burning his own bridge with them . yes it sucks and upsetting . But the father and step mom will feel and hear their remorse from the kids themselves as they mature and see what really is going on. They will speak their feelings .
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