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So they decided to tell me this in txt!

Posted by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 2:06 AM
  • 12 Replies

So last Tuesday my dad had a minor stroke, I didn't hear from my mom Wensday, or Thursday, I did talk to her Friday for a little bit until my baby woke up and of course needed me. So I told my mom "Hey let me call you back later okay, Noah (my ds) just woke up" she said "Okay!" Later that day (This is last Friday) I was getting ready to go to Zumba with my mil, until I got a text from my dad saying:

 "I'm sick, I had a stroke Tuesday, I hope this doesn't waste your important time" Dad 

I call my mom, cuz I'm flipping out she didn't answer the first time, so I called her back the first three times I called it went straight to voicemail, until she FINALLY answered I was on the brink of tears I was pissed. I yelled I was like "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?" She responded "Well whenever I try to talk to you, you either get defensive over something I say, or you have to go cause of the baby, or your just to busy to talk" That right there pissed me off to no end I was like "EXCUSE ME I HAVE A FUCKING LIFE I HAVE A BABY TO TAKE CARE OF, I HAVE MY OWN LIFE TO LIVE. I HAD THE RIGHT TO KNOW WHEN DAD HAD THE STROKE!" Mostly she didn't try to tell me cuz all she did Tuesday was make small talk!! And like I said didn't hear from her Wensday or Thursday. 

What ticks me off about this is she used my life as an excuse, I have put up with so much them treating me like crap, making me feel like shit 24/7 stressing me out all the dam time. They would stress me out so much, clumps of hair would start falling out of my head! This situation was the last straw, I am so done with them! I am so tired of this shit. She talked to my older sister all week, last week and didn't tell her shit either! Idk what to do anymore... 

Should I just break all contact with them like I'm originally doing?? Or just talk to them again? What would you do if you were going through this? (Knock on wood) 

by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 2:06 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 2:08 AM
1 mom liked this
I would keep my distance.
by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 3:50 AM
3 moms liked this
Idk I believe I'd call your dad and tell him your mom never mentioned he was sick, that it was not your busy schedule but lack of knowledge anything was wrong. Was there anything you could do? And if there is resentment coming back atcha.... This a severely manipulative relationship between your mom or both and staying far far away is best.

Just know, WHEN something worse happens, you will feel guilt that is not yours because she/ they set this dynamic up.

I'm so sorry. It was plain evil of her not to call you as soon as he admitted. This is when a sibling getting the same treatment is definitely needed to commiserate with .

What a bunch of BS ... And you own none of it.
Please remember that
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 24, 2014 at 6:04 AM
I didn't find out my dad was hospitalized until about 4 days in due to a bad accident . my mother well she is not the calling any of her kids type of mom . and found out through my grandmother. Then another time due to an accident he was admitted day before fathers day. Did not find out til that fathers day. Just because I called him no answer called everyone with no answer finally called their neighbors and they told me.
But if your mother wanted u to know she would have called u right away . it's not your fault you did not know. And to blame it on because you have a child and work etc is ridiculous it does not take much to get in touch these days. Especially with texting
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:31 AM
I know exactly how you feel. I talked to my mom 1 day she said she had a dr appointment and she would call me later. I didn't hear from her so I called to check on her. My dad says oh she is at the store. Weird because she never goes out at night alone. Then for 3 days nothing. I was shopping with a friend who came in to town to visit and I get a is in ICU (had been since Tuesday it was Thursday)! But she will be ok.
That was it nothing more!

Oh I was so pissed off. There is so much more to this but it just sucks when people do this kind of crap!
I am really sorry you're having to deal with it.. It's painful!
by Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 9:44 AM

I am so sorry.  My dad had a stroke so I know how alarming it can be to get that news.  I can't imagine how hard it would be to get it the way you did.  The way your mom used your busy life as an excuse is unexcusable.  She should have just told you the first time she called rather than just discussing trivial matters.  I hope things get better for you.  Hugs!

by Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 10:11 PM

I can only tell you my story and what I did. See, I am a young mom and got pregnant at 18. During my pregnancy, the only real support I had was my fiance and his family as my parents were on and off when it came to helping me. After my son was born, we didn't talk much then got into a HUGE argument. I handled it by not going around them and cutting off all contact for 6 or 7 months. Now, I have a somewhat stable relationship with them after showing them I did not need them in my life. I merely want them there because they are my son's grandparents. In the end, you have to do some deep soul searching and find out if you want to deal with the crap or not.

by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 10:21 PM
1 mom liked this

I would call and talk to your dad, not your mom. Tell him that you talked to her on Tuesday and she didn't tell you, that she just made small talk and chit chat. That she didn't make any contact wednesday or thursday, and Friday when you did talk she didn't make any attempt to tell you then either before the baby woke up. She was afforeded plenty of opportunity to tell you. It was not your fault that they didn't mention it to you. Tell them that they will not make you feel guilty over something you had no idea about because they kept the information from you, and if that is how it is going to be, there is no room for manipulative people in you or your child's life. 

by Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 12:14 AM
It seems like you care too much still to cut them off.
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 25, 2014 at 6:41 PM

People can only stress you out if you let them. You probably do need to keep a distance from them, stop trying to have a close relationship, and expect them to pull BS (like the text) and when it happens just let it go. You can talk to them but keep your distance so that you're not giving them a lot of opportunity to try to get to you. If you find you can't do that then it's probably best to cut off contact. I have some relatives who I only see every so often at family functions because they live for drama and trying to stir things up and I really have no time for that. So I don't call them or do anything with them and when I have to be around them I'm just polite but don't try to get into big conversations with them. I don't think that just because someone is related to you, even your parents, that you should have to open yourself up to BS and upset. If they are constantly being dramatic and trying to cause trouble I'd just ignore it and them, talk to them when I had to, and leave it alone because nobody needs to deal with that. People trying to guilt you like they do aren't worth your time, parents or not. Whatever your relationship with them is lacking, it will be on them not you so try to nip that feeling in the bud now because guaranteed when they start to understand you are distancing yourself they will turn it on harder, and try to manipulate your feelings (and guilt you) even more, but expect that to happen and let it go. Don't fall for the manipulation anymore. Someone has to be the grown up, and if they can't do it at least you can.

by Member on Apr. 26, 2014 at 2:51 AM

Thank you for all of your advice! :) I really appreciate it! group hug

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