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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

I dont get it.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies
Alright I know there are alot of different views on this. But this sites for venting right? Well me and my man have been struggling with this porn issue.. well me mainly. I dont mind it every once in awhile but when he watched its 3 to 4 times a week and we only have sex once?! Kinda makes me feel worthless.. and just last night I fell asleep on the couch worn out from a long day at work and woke up to see his phone open to a porn website! I mean right next to me on the freakin couch?! Wth. I dont get it. Ive talked and talked to him about how it makes feel and he doesnt care he just says well it makes me last longer and sometimes I just watch it and not masterbate. Or that I get tips from the porns (that ive never seen him use) im just..idk. I really dont knlw what to do anymore. The last year I put up with it and ignored it but I cant do that anymore it really gurts me to see him choose porn over sex anymore. I feel so degrated..
Posted by Anonymous on May. 3, 2014 at 8:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 3, 2014 at 8:33 AM
Ok, first I'm sorry that you feel defeated and your self worth has taken some blows. Please know that IT IS NOT YOU!!! Regardless if (painful truth coming) he's not attracted to you anymore or he is just addicted to porn. It is NOT your fault and please don't internalize it or over analyze it... Keep your self esteem high and do more for yourself to keep it there. As far as him.... Addictions are addictions and eventually come second nature to the abuser. So can I reiterate that it's NOT you??? Lol. His preference or addiction to porn stems from something beyond you, we can speculate that it may be him longing for something different or some emotional damage from something that happened in his childhood or the simple fact that he just may like porn instead of real sex!!! Weird to us but to each their own... Express your concerns in the most light way you can and present him with "I feel" statements to justify the facts... Good luck!!
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 3, 2014 at 8:47 AM
Thank you for the reassurance that its not me lol im glad to hear that! Ive tried and tried and he just gets angry at me for brining it up or yes ive gone thru his phone before. But shouldnt we be aloud to as the other half? I mean were a young couple so yes everything you said may actually apply to this situation. Its just hard and makes no sense. Weve been together for 5 years were both only 22 so that's why I dont get on him too much since were still young and hes still going to do it. But we have a beautiful 3 yr old boy and all my fiance talks about is wanting another baby. So wouldnt you think instead of wasting his sperm he would be trying for a baby? Ive just been soo baffled for months and seen this site and was hoping for some helpful suggestion and so far you have some good ones. Not all that I wanted to hear lol but thats okay. Thank you again!
Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 3, 2014 at 9:15 AM
You're welcome!! Probably a little more advice you probably doesn't want to hear but.... 22 is very young to make such strong commitments, I too was a parent at 22 and I honestly have changed twice in the last 10 years and can't confidently say that I would want to stick to a commitment (other than parenting) that I made in such a young age as my younger self. Not at all telling you what you should do but I do encourage you to look at the facts you have in front of you and make an informed decision either way, eyes wide open. Commitment is agreeing to do something you agreed to do previously even when you no longer feel that way. Adding another (not already created) child to this situation could possibly make it worse in your current situation and in everyone's future. As an older woman who has been in a similar situation at your age I am speaking from experience and from a loving place. As far as looking into another persons phone, I agree that you should feel comfortable enough to do so but secure enough not to... I've learned that we'll always find what we seek in that situation, if you have the strong inclination to do it there's a problem on one end or another... Either your intuition is right or you have some underlying trust issues. Which both are unhealthy and should be addressed appropriately. Take your time... You have the rest of your life!! : )
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 3, 2014 at 9:34 AM
Thank you and that I do. And I know thats why I was nervous abouy posting that on here since were such a young couple. But weve been through alot together and I feel like hes my one and I dont have doubts but I worry about him. We do have a bad track record. Well he kinda does he did cheat on me a couple of times years ago before our son so I will admit I do have trust issues thats why I fought the urge for a year to just deal with it I kept telling myself this is better than him going out cheating but then I always come back with this is away of cheating in my eyes he may not be physically cheating but he has that constant urge to watch other women and get off to it thats why him watchin porn bothers me so much. I feel like its another form of him cheating. .but thank you for all the advice I will consider it all. And especially about bringing another one into the world. We have been trying to get married before we do but we have had no luck with finding a place in our area and we dont want a huge age gap between our son and the next one thats why we werr wanting to and we both want another kid. But your right I need to just sit down and discuss all this with him and see if I can actually get a mature response from him this time.
jmonroe65355
by Member on May. 3, 2014 at 9:45 AM
Just breathe mama and put the moves on him ;) take control of your sex life!
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 3, 2014 at 12:12 PM
I do always..and he ignores me hes always on his phone. I can walk around our house naked and he wouldnt even notice! I just want him to take control to just grab me up and go but he doesn't and sadly I couldnt tell you the last time he did. He got a facebook account and thats all he does hes glued to his phone constantly either watching porn and scrolling through Facebook. I tell him to put the phone down and he doesnt and theres a time were I told him to put it down and go to the bedroom and we did everything was great than as soon as we finished up he was back on the couch with his face in the phone!
kaybayblee3
by on May. 3, 2014 at 12:27 PM

 This is a pretty big problem with porn with almost every couple. My husband has had a problem with it since he was a teen.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 3, 2014 at 12:29 PM
I know and honestly I dont get it. Ive watched porns before and I dont get into them. I think there just trashy. I know there are women out there that like them which if fine people like different things but I just cant see why whats so awesome about watching other people get it on?
Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 3, 2014 at 1:02 PM
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 3, 2014 at 1:20 PM
Then he will be extremely mad!
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