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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Vent about my life - just need to let it out

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies

Sorry it's long, just advance warning.

Little background: In Dec. 2012 my long time boyfriend (now DH) and I bought a house. In April 2013, my BF (who I've been friends with for 14, almost 15 years) broke up with her (sorry ass abusive bum) boyfriend. She didn't feel comfortable living alone (her apartment was in a bad part of town) and of course he had stuck her with the apartment, in order to break her lease we loaned her the money. Her brother was going to let her move in but changed his mind at the last second, so we let her and her dog move in with us.

We all agreed on her paying $315 a month to live with us, she has her own bathroom connected to her room and the hallway, that normally would not be used very much. On the other side of the bathroom is the LVR/DEN area. DH and I had been TTC for a while but no luck, partially due to my PCOS, so we decided to start looking into adoption more seriously. In Dec. 2013, I got a pinched scatcia nerve, this causes SEVERE blinding pain, I can't sleep on my back/in my bed, it's difficult to walk or sit or do anything basically. Because of my injury, DH and I have been sleeping in the LVR/DEN. I'm was doing massage therapy and chiropractic care (my chiropractor said my pinched nerve is the worst he has seen in his 35 years of practice). I'm suppose to take it easy, not stress, drink water etc. I have been doing all this BUT:

Now, it seems she complains about EVERYTHING, she'll complain about her finances, even though i'm not working and she makes more then DH does, and i know she has less expenses. She sometimes has a crazy work schedule (sometimes it will change from 2pm-10:30pm to 6am-6pm). She'll complain about us having a friend over (if she's trying to sleep) or if we're making too much noise upstairs) DH HAS to go up there for clothes or to go to the bathroom etc. She'll complain if i use her bathroom (I can barely walk, much less climb the stairs most of the time, i do shower upstairs though). She'll complain about the fence (a tree fell through it last year, DH and I have been saving up to get the whole fence replaced)

She wants us (DH now because i refused) to watch her dog, when she goes out of town (which is nearly every weekend, when she's off work) on not much notice. Yet, when we went to visit my family in California (which is about 1400 miles away) for a 1.5week, she didn't want to feed our cat. I had my mom feed our cat, but she (BF) would have the chain on the door or my mom would come times she wanted to sleep. So she and my mom were calling me while i was in California (remember 1400 miles away and on VACATION), bitching. DH and I had never had a vacation together, and i hadn't ever had one and they are calling me ruining it.

She'll complain because the lawn isn't mowed or the pool isn't working (we had a lot of issues with it last year). She complains she can't use the kitchen because SHE feels that it would disturb us (we told her we didn't care, but she insisted SHE feels it does). She wanted us (really DH) to move the recliner upstairs so that we wouldn't have to be sleeping in the LVR/DEN. (1) i don't see how we would get it upstairs, (2) I don't think it would fit through the doorway (3) I wouldn't have anywhere comfortable in the LVR to sit, to this she said i should just get another recliner, yea, i got this one for free from my mom, i'm not spending 1000+ dollars on a chair right now. (4) I told her i felt it was extremely rude for her to suggest that. When she first moved in we gave her the option of having a BDRM upstairs and she said no. She complained that because the cat's litter box was in there and she couldn't stand the smell, even if we took it out and put it downstairs. Forget her dog smell (i don't have anything against dogs).

On top of all this, we were having problems with our adoption because the homestudy from the independent provider we were going through was no longer going to be accepted by other states. We originally didn't want to go through our state's adoption program, due to several close family members having issues with them (indirectly causing the murder of their child, them taking away children for no proven reason, putting said children in harm by letting them be in charge of their medication). We ended up looking into our state's adoption program and tribal adoption (both Native, but DH has a card), but they require her to do the classes, background checks and fingerprints as well because she lives here. She flat out refused to do it, I did my best to try and make the classes on her days off but that didn't matter, she didn't want to have to give up six Saturdays of her life. I told her i feel like that is the least she could do considering we have been friends for so long, not to mention all the other stuff we did for her. She said that i should consider that it makes HER feel uncomfortable (she has never lived with kids, besides her 5 brothers and sister), but neither have DH and I. She's not at the point in her life where she wants kids (she was married before) and that's fine, but i feel she is being incredibly selfish.

She said she feels like she is living in a 1bdrm apartment, can't use the kitchen, and has to worrying about sharing a bathroom. She said she was thinking about moving out, but i know that's not feasible and told her so, we sat down last night and went over her finances. She could theoretically afford an apartment about $500, BUT she doesn't want to live in the "ghetto" and around here, nice apartments start at about $600. Prior to living in our house DH and I were paying $589 to live in nice apartments with W/D (rare in our town for some reason, in 1bdrms), and that was just rent. She thinks she can get a nice apartment for $420 but that's not realistic.

I have a problem with being nice/mean, if i'm nice no one listens or pays attention, if i'm mean people get mad and i'm a b****. DH and I have been trying really hard to be sensitive to her needs and everything but now it's driving me crazy (DH is pretty silent about it). I don't want to be a complete b**** and ruin around friendship (there's been a couple of times i almost did/was), I just want to say this is MY house (well DH and mine), you need to get use to it! I don't want her to leave or kick her out or for her to feel like she is being pushed out, i just wish she was less selfish. I honestly don't know if we are going to be friends after this.

DH has a cleft palate he has been trying to get fixed since he was a child (had some work done when his dad was in the Army, then it stopped), had some more work done then his mom died (when he was 14). It's been one thing after another but we FINALLY got some sort of schedule about them doing surgery. So he's going to be busy this year (surgery, removing bone from his hip, getting a tooth pulled etc.)

So to summarize, because of DH having multiple surgeries, having a pinched scaticia nerve, and my (soon to be not) BF being a selfish b****, we are most likely putting our adoption on hold for at least a year. I don't know if i'll have the heart to pick it up again. I feel like i'm being worked against no matter what i do. This has been my vent, comment away.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 3, 2014 at 9:00 PM
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Replies (1-9):
6161
by New Member on May. 3, 2014 at 9:06 PM

I'n sorry you have such an ungrateful, selfish "friend". It sounds like she is totally taking advantage of the situation. If you dont need her to be living with for the extra money, I would be telling her to leave. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 3, 2014 at 9:17 PM
1 mom liked this

In the time it took you to write all of this, you should have told her she has X amount of time to get the heck out of YOUR home.  That is if you wanted to be nice to her.  Friends like that come a dime a dozen, and you can have a new "friend" like her every week if you choose.  Put your foot down on this matter. You have seriously taught her she can treat you this way.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 3, 2014 at 9:19 PM
Put your foot down. It's YOUR house. You are allowing her to treat you this way. If she doesn't like it, she can move out.
VinVanMom
by Bronze Member on May. 3, 2014 at 9:31 PM
Kick her out or lay down the law. Look into foster adopting. I adopted my two that way. Good luck
rose6572
by Member on May. 3, 2014 at 11:19 PM

Does not sound like a good friend.    You need to put your foot dow, get her out of your house.   If she has time (and money) to go out of town every weekend, she should get a part time job if she can't afford her own place.    She is taking advantage of you.

mozdmom
by on May. 3, 2014 at 11:30 PM

She is not your friend.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 4, 2014 at 12:01 AM

 

Quoting rose6572:

Does not sound like a good friend.    You need to put your foot dow, get her out of your house.   If she has time (and money) to go out of town every weekend, she should get a part time job if she can't afford her own place.    She is taking advantage of you.

It seems like she goes out of town every weekend, but that's probably cause we rarely do. She is looking into getting a part-time job (but i doubt that's gonna work around her schedule, considering it could change in an instant).

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 4, 2014 at 12:26 AM

This is your house yet you let her run it.  She doesn't sound like much of a friend, to me.  If it was me I would be giving her a written 30 day notice to move.  You do not need that kind of stress, when you are having health problems. 

Purgatorian
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2014 at 11:37 AM

People only do to you what you allow them to.

Stop allowing this woman to ruin your plans and make life in your OWN DAMN HOUSE miserable.

I understand you have an issue with conflict.  But if you don't start standing up for yourself, no-oneelse will, and you will forever be at the mercy of other peoples behavior. I suggest you start reading up on how to deal with interpersonal relationship conflict and self esteem.

Sit back and reread what you just wrote, imagine you were reading your own grown daughters post.  What would you want for her? What would you tell her to do?

How can you call this woman a friend at all any more? She is stressing you out and making you postpone one of your important life plans...

I would be calling her something else, far from "Friend".

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