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Nothing is ever good enough!

Posted by on May. 10, 2014 at 10:44 PM
  • 21 Replies

My daughter has been a malt down queen lately, everything I do or don't do ends in a fit or a crying mess. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or if its just her age ( she will be turning 4 in July) but I can't stand it! She comes to me tonight asking if I will play a game with her and we did, we played hi oh cherry oh. The game ended and she asked if we could play another game so we played bingo. When she brought it out I told her this is the last game and she responds okay mom. The game ends and she asks for another so I tell her no I said this was the last game I told you one more and that was all, she then throws a fit crying throwing herself on the ground. It's so frustrating because that's the result I would of got if I would of said no to playing any games at...

by on May. 10, 2014 at 10:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GodsGirl03
by New Member on May. 10, 2014 at 10:47 PM

My son was like that...actually he still is...He is 10..

Remerm12
by Member on May. 10, 2014 at 11:27 PM

How do ou deal with it? What do you say?


Quoting GodsGirl03:

My son was like that...actually he still is...He is 10..


GodsGirl03
by New Member on May. 10, 2014 at 11:33 PM
3 moms liked this

I tell him if he is going to throw a fit he has to go in his room and do it because I dont want to hear it....Sometimes I have to actually pick him up and put him in his room.  I tell him when he is ready to act like a big boy he can come out..but not before..

When he comes out, if he has calmed down we talk about his behavior and why it is unacceptable.  Then he says sorry, we hug and go on about our day...


WildPowerMom
by Bronze Member on May. 11, 2014 at 5:10 PM
4 moms liked this

Punishment.  Your 4 year old needs to learn to deal with disappointment and be grateful.  If it had been my 4 year old (turned 4 last week) I would have put her in time out or spanked her (pending on the level of tantrum - like kicking things or me). 

okpondlady
by Member on May. 12, 2014 at 12:49 AM

Yeah I was going to say... bust that ass and that shit will stop real fast.  Do a GOOD JOB though... or she will know you don't mean it. 

TANSTAAFL- There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.

schultzal
by Member on May. 12, 2014 at 1:14 AM
Yes, OP, physically harm your child because she is four and needs to learn how to handle her emotions.

Wtf?

Or maybe you could try talking with her, teaching her about handling herself, etc. There is always a reason kids have tantrums, and beating them will only cause shame and fear.


Quoting okpondlady:

Yeah I was going to say... bust that ass and that shit will stop real fast.  Do a GOOD JOB though... or she will know you don't mean it. 

disneyrose
by New Member on May. 12, 2014 at 3:32 AM


Quoting GodsGirl03:

My son was like that...actually he still is...He is 10..

Oh no!  I have now lost hope in my 5 year old son out growing this phase, 10?!  

thefiregoddess
by Bronze Member on May. 12, 2014 at 3:35 AM
1 mom liked this

Mobile Photo

This. Hit your child because they kicked something or you. Show them its wrong to hurt others by hurting them!

Ugh.



Quoting schultzal: Yes, OP, physically harm your child because she is four and needs to learn how to handle her emotions.

Wtf?

Or maybe you could try talking with her, teaching her about handling herself, etc. There is always a reason kids have tantrums, and beating them will only cause shame and fear.


Quoting okpondlady:

Yeah I was going to say... bust that ass and that shit will stop real fast.  Do a GOOD JOB though... or she will know you don't mean it. 

Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Bronze Member on May. 12, 2014 at 3:46 AM
3 moms liked this

When my son did that, either DH or I would physically carry him to his room and tuck him into bed, fit and all.  Didn't matter what time of day it was or what the fit was over, throwing a fit resulted in a nap or bedtime.

I'm going to assume if she was SN you would have addressed that in the OP?

Here are some other things you can try:

When she's calm, talk about fits.  Tell her they will NOT get her what she wants, and encourage her to use her words to express how she feels.

Before starting an activity or doing something that can cause a fit, give an explanation.  For example, if she asks for ice cream at 430pm say something like "Ice cream won't help you grow up strong and healthy.  Dinner is at 6.  We can have a scoop of ice cream with peaches for dessert."  If she asks to play a game:  "We can play this game twice, then I have other stuff to do.  If you throw a fit, I won't want to play with you again tomorrow.  It makes things less fun when you throw a fit at the end."

DO NOT GIVE IN.  If you give in to any fit at all, it prolongs the behavior.  Whatever punishment you normally use, use it.  She needs a predictable reaction and consequence to her bad behavior.  For my son, he threw fits mostly when he was tired or overstimulated, so naps were the answer.  If we were in public, one of us would take him to the car while the other got things ready, we'd go home, and he'd take a nap.  The more predictable the results, the easier it is for her to weigh her options and decide it isn't worth the effort.

Try to avoid "fit scenarios" altogether.  If she throws fits when she's too hungry, keep healthy snacks going.  Bring something to an appointment or that she can munch on during grocery shopping to help keep her blood sugars level.  (My second is a monster when he's hungry!)  If she's prone to fits when she is tired, adjut her bedtime/nap schedule.  If possible, schedule things around when she's tired.  She likes to play games?  Set up a time to play games earlier in the day.  Later in the day, keep it simple, like reading and coloring.  Once you learn some of her "triggers" you can try to control the outbursts before they even occur.  If she gets over excited, try to make small breaks to calm her down.  I'll use grocery shopping again, since that seemed to always get to my boys.  I'd take breaks at different parts of the store and talk to them about something calming.  Maybe make them take a breath or two. 

Obviously you don't want to cater to her.  But when you have stuff that needs done, you will benefit from knowing how to plan it out for the best possible result.

huntersmama711
by Member on May. 12, 2014 at 4:50 AM
This is great advice. I'm going to try to remember it for my ds. He's almost 3 and just entering the tantrum stage.

Quoting Mrs.Kubalabuku:

When my son did that, either DH or I would physically carry him to his room and tuck him into bed, fit and all.  Didn't matter what time of day it was or what the fit was over, throwing a fit resulted in a nap or bedtime.

I'm going to assume if she was SN you would have addressed that in the OP?

Here are some other things you can try:

When she's calm, talk about fits.  Tell her they will NOT get her what she wants, and encourage her to use her words to express how she feels.

Before starting an activity or doing something that can cause a fit, give an explanation.  For example, if she asks for ice cream at 430pm say something like "Ice cream won't help you grow up strong and healthy.  Dinner is at 6.  We can have a scoop of ice cream with peaches for dessert."  If she asks to play a game:  "We can play this game twice, then I have other stuff to do.  If you throw a fit, I won't want to play with you again tomorrow.  It makes things less fun when you throw a fit at the end."

DO NOT GIVE IN.  If you give in to any fit at all, it prolongs the behavior.  Whatever punishment you normally use, use it.  She needs a predictable reaction and consequence to her bad behavior.  For my son, he threw fits mostly when he was tired or overstimulated, so naps were the answer.  If we were in public, one of us would take him to the car while the other got things ready, we'd go home, and he'd take a nap.  The more predictable the results, the easier it is for her to weigh her options and decide it isn't worth the effort.

Try to avoid "fit scenarios" altogether.  If she throws fits when she's too hungry, keep healthy snacks going.  Bring something to an appointment or that she can munch on during grocery shopping to help keep her blood sugars level.  (My second is a monster when he's hungry!)  If she's prone to fits when she is tired, adjut her bedtime/nap schedule.  If possible, schedule things around when she's tired.  She likes to play games?  Set up a time to play games earlier in the day.  Later in the day, keep it simple, like reading and coloring.  Once you learn some of her "triggers" you can try to control the outbursts before they even occur.  If she gets over excited, try to make small breaks to calm her down.  I'll use grocery shopping again, since that seemed to always get to my boys.  I'd take breaks at different parts of the store and talk to them about something calming.  Maybe make them take a breath or two. 

Obviously you don't want to cater to her.  But when you have stuff that needs done, you will benefit from knowing how to plan it out for the best possible result.

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