Today I had an abortion. Back in October I had an iud put in, everything was fine until the beginning of this month when I realized I was pregnant. I went to planned parenthood and they confirmed it, and then they couldn't find the IUD! I desperately wanted to have the medication abortion, I was horrified at the in-clinic procedure.I was told I would have to get an ultrasound from another hospital to make sure the iud wasn't still in me. By the time all that was done I was too late to take the pill, I had to do an aspiration. I was scared to death, I was feeling like hell with all the regular pregnancy symptoms, fatigue, nausea. On top of it I have a totally unsupportive boyfriend. He's just happy I'm having an abortion. We have a landscaping business and I think the week I had before the procedure he was more concerned that I wouldn't be able to work as hard while I was still pregnant and after the procedure for a few days. Today I went to the clinic alone, I flat out told him I didn't want him there, I thought he'd stress me out more. The whole thing was awful, was not as easygoing as they made out it would be. I got through it though and to boot I found out my iud is not stuck in me. Now I'm angry because the iud just "fell out", we don't know where or how! And my boyfriend is such a jackass, I asked him to go to the park with me so I could talk and he's sitting on the computer. Meanwhile, after I had the procedure I had another type of birth control put in. The one that goes in your arm and is good for 3 years. But while I've been by myself, left alone to think. I been thinking, it doesn't make sense to do all this work and take on so much risk to myself to do some asshole a favor. I don't even enjoy our sex life, I never really have, we haven't had sex since I started thinking I was pregnant a month ago. Not that he hasn't tried. He hasn't been able to understand why I won't try anal sex with him, he was trying to do it with me just this morning. He'll lube himself up and come at me when I'm half awake, thinks he's real slick. I feel like it's too much of him to ask of me when he can't be bother with much of anykind of foreplay in bed and can't last more than one round of just under 10 seconds. I use to think the 10 second thing was a joke, an exaggeration, not for this guy!
So I spent most of my time at the park crying. Seems I'm always having to beg for his time. Then when he begrudgingly suggests we do something I'm so mad I don't even wanna see him. I gotta get out of this. I know thye fact is I didn't have an abortion just because we as a couple are still building our lives, I know I also had it because I don't love this guy like I use to and I don't wanna be with him anymore. I don't know how to explain it. I feel like crying still. I consider myself a strong person but I feel like shit, I just can't face anybody today.