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Feel unappreciated!

Posted by on May. 16, 2014 at 12:51 AM
  • 12 Replies
My daughter graduated high school tonight and she left after graduation to go to beach with her friends and left me with just a bye. From my point of view she was more worried about leaving with friends than giving any appreciation to me. She gr8 made at me for telling her to bring a jacket with her and was acting like I was stupid. She is a good kid but I feel like now she is 18 and graduated that she can do what she wants. I am just so heartbroken.
by on May. 16, 2014 at 12:51 AM
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..Sparrow..
by on May. 16, 2014 at 1:25 AM
3 moms liked this

I know how you feel but just remember, she just graduated!!! There is so much excitement and anticipation in the air. She just wants to be a part of everything that is going on with her friends. These are memories she is creating.

Don't take it personal. You know she loves you. Just give her "her" time. You know she didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Just talk to her about it later. 

NDADanceMom
by on May. 16, 2014 at 12:03 PM

I bribed my kid with food after graduation.  We took her out to dinner.  Be happy she has a good social life and let it go.  It will only be worse next year in college.  I only hear from my kid when she needs money.

happynewyorker
by Member on May. 16, 2014 at 2:14 PM

awwww.......... Your baby girl is grown up.  Times with friends and socializing is so important to them at this time.  Let her have her time with friends, she will always come home to you, until she's a young adult and finds a place of her own and moves out. 

Our children we do so much for them, they are our life and we forget that soon they will experience what when experience at their age.  But don't remember. 

Don't be heartbroken!!!  It's time to watch Fried Green tomatoes or some other show.

Texan35
by on May. 16, 2014 at 7:46 PM
1 mom liked this

Aw, I know that feeling.  My dd is a teen and while she's awesome most of the time, she can sometimes be really unappreciative. 

It's one of those things that they'll understand better when they have kids.  I know I did. 

MrsBx
by Member on May. 17, 2014 at 10:33 AM
1 mom liked this

I can so realte to your angst! My dghtr's prom is tonight and June 3rd will be her graduation date. She has been given some free reign at age 18 to spend the nights at her gf's houses and go to movies with them or double-dates with her bf, or to picnics in the park. Sometimes she goes to his house, his "helicopter" mom (bless her vigilant soul) is usually home with the rest of his family.  He's a good kid so my angst is limited. Tonight he's cooking dinner for all the friends going to prop (he is studying to be a nutritionalist). She has been schooled in how to make a boy acountable for his actions and treatment of her.  He picks her up at our house and makes sure she gets in the door at night before taking off in his car.  He needs to meet my approval in order for me to trust him, and I think he has learned to respect that. 

At times my dghtr can be snarky. rude or belligerant towards me, which gauls me to no end. However, I do realize that she is testing the waters of her own independence and I can only guide her to what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior. I just go to my woman-cave and read, do homework or surf the web.  In school, she wants to study veterinary medicine. Once in awhile, when someone annoys her (like in traffic jams or when put on hold on the phone), she then tells me that she "hates people", but likes animals. I asked her if she thinks the animals walk into her clinic on their own. In other words, she better learn to work on her people skills.  She'll always have dealings with clients, customers, co-workers.  So, we still have lessons to learn in life, n'est pas?  

Learn not to take anything your dghtr might say or do personally.  After all, she needs to be accountable for her own actions, reactions and attitudes - many of which have become distorted through the educational bureacracy, friends and distasteful, dysfunctionla class-mates that she was been subjected to over the past 12 years. My dghtr was a lovely, sweet child, until she went to grade school. Throwing her into the mix of some very dysfunctional kids (and sometimes, teachers) was a two-edged sword. 

You have obviously done a good job with your daughter, as she is starting to become more independent of you. Sometimes that can be hurtful.  Instead of focusing on that, start making plans for what you will do when the empty nest syndrome sets in. That's what I'm doing. I'm currently taking a class in Microsoft Word, for interest and better job prospecting. I love this class! And, I've also decided that now is the time to get into better physical shape. I bought a new pair of Saucony walking shoes and have been walking daily. Already I am seeing results.  When you start making concrete plans for yourself you will see how others react to those changes. Is there a vacation plan in your future for you and your hubby? Start getting brochures or internet info together. Maybe plan a trip for you and your dghtr at Christmas break or Winter break. Something you can both work on and looking forward to. I'm always amazed at the supper deals my dghtr has come up with just through surfing the net or info she's been given by a friend.  

Other than being a source of financial help, perhaps you'd like to set up some ground rules for your daghtr so that you don't feel like a doormat or the Bank of Mom. Be proactive. Maybe you would benefit by journaling-writing down your thoughts and seeing patterns and workable solutions to anxious thoughts.  Good luck to you and remember, when all else fails, pray for guidance. That's worked out pretty good for me.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on May. 17, 2014 at 6:13 PM

This is what most kids do. All four of mine did the same. Will you have a party for her? Remember this is all about her now, so if you're looking for appreciation you probably won't get any. Been there done that. Hang in there.

friend29
by New Member on May. 17, 2014 at 6:28 PM
Our babies think they know everything but don't and always come back
Just let it go what she did and remember she loves you and just want her space:-)
TrouserMouse
by on May. 17, 2014 at 8:00 PM

It's only just begun...lol.  I would try to get over that really quickly.  Our job is to teach them to be independent. Be glad you did your job.

Crazylife1994
by on May. 17, 2014 at 9:31 PM

Watching them walk out the door once they graduate is so hard sometimes.

She still needs you just not as much as she used to. Don't worry she may not say it now but she appreciates everything you have ever done for her.

bcauseimthemom
by on May. 18, 2014 at 1:25 PM

I am sorry you feel unappreciated but graduation is a special time for your daughter. She is excited and wants to go out and celebrate with her friends. Maybe once everything settles down, you need to sit down with her and let her know what the rules of the house are that she is expected to follow.  Eighteen or not, it is your home and if she does not like the rules.... let her move out and make it on her own.


As far as her behavior after graduation, scratch it up to her wanting to celebrate with friends. 


Good Luck.


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