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How do I tell my dad this without losing him forever?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 3 Replies

That his girlfriend is using him?  Okay, a little back story.  the last 2 years have been horrible for my dad, in August of 2012his younger brother died, August 2013 his father dies and in October 2013 my mother passed away.  4 months ago he started dating a woman named Daphne, who my aunt (his younger brother's widow) set him up with.  They quickly broke up, and my aunt's sister was there to pick up the pieces.  They boke up even faster, and guess who showed up the next day...my AUNT!  Who tells him up front that they can date, have a physical relationship, whatever he wanted, but she would never be able to love him as more than a brother-in-law.

That was 3 months ago and she has gone through $3500 of his money since then, he stays with her almost every night, they go out to eat every night, she keeps him up to all hours, she gets drunk and cries about my uncle at least 4 times a week.  Before they started dating, he was at my sister's house and my house at least twice a week to eat dinner and see our kids.  Now, we might see him once every 2 weeks.  We had Sunday dinner at his house every week because he said that's what my mom wanted us to do, now he goes to Sunder dinner with her parents.  He actually asked me to stop going to church so that we could have Sunday breakfast instead.

The clincher was last night.  She had asked to take a break from him because he was smothering her and she didn't want to get too close to him.  Well, this was his vacation week so he is camping at the lake we spent every summer at.  My kids and my niece and nephew all begged him to take them out on the boat and he says "Not tonight, I'm too tired for that."  So I suggest we take some lawn chairs down to the edge of the water and do some fishing "Nah, I don't feel like fishing, but there's bait next to the camper if you want to go." He goes inside to take a nap.

She shows up out of the blue, as soon as dad hears her voice, he's out of bed and running outside.  She says, "Hey, let's go out on the pontoon and do some fishing."  He grabs, his fishing pole, all the bait and the boat keys and takes off.  The kids all asking to go, and him telling them no.  It didn't bother me for myself so much, he treated me like that my whole life.  I was upset for my kids and my niece and nephew.  They have always been his everything, he'd do anything for them any time they asked.  Now all of the sudden, they're coming second to a woman who time after time has told him she doesn't love him the way he loves her, and never will.  I don't understand how he doesn't see it?  I mean, he hasn't dated since 1969, but I'd think that anyone would be able to see that she's using him for his money.  Any suggestions on how to approach this?

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 2, 2014 at 12:34 PM
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Replies (1-3):
NDADanceMom
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 12:48 PM
You don't have to tell him anything about her thought process. Unless she said she is using him it calls for you to be aware of the function of her mind. Tell him the example of the fishing boating moment and how it made you feel.
Tell him that you don't want your kids to face that sort of rejection again so until his priorities are more alligned to yours the kids will not be spending time with him anywhere the aunt will be. Tell him you and the kids love him and wish him well. I would also ask him how your mother would have felt about the fishing thing.
He's probably lonely but his priorities are messed up. You can't change that but you can limit what your kids experience
skrbelly
by Bronze Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:53 PM
He is in over his head and nothing you say is going to matter at this point. Let the kids express themselves to him.I don't think you are going to lose him, but usually these things blow up on their own. He'll see for himself.
Allie4
by Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 3:12 PM

Good Luck.  My Mom has a husband.  NOT A STEP DAD to me and My kids do not call him Grand anything.  They were friend for a while and none of my Moms sibliings like him.  He is a user and a leach.  to put it VERY MILDLY.  He is not welcome to stay at my house overnight.  We had decided that before they were married.  My Mom called me and told me that they were getting married the following week.  Told her I did not know if I could make it.  I made it  though.  To support my Mom NOT the marriage.  I am only worried what he is going to do to my Mom.  I don't like the S00 O* B)))).   

His kids did not show up for the wedding.  I have only met one of them there are 3.

My sister, husband, and myself know that we have to just set back and let her do what she wants.  I just keep stating to her that don't leave me in debt when she dies.  She is 74 now.  He is 66. 


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