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Is he being an active parent or micromanaging me?

Posted by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 9:28 PM
  • 5 Replies

I am a "work from home mom" and recently I hired a nanny for a total of four hours a week (two hour 2x a week) so I can get more work done during the day and not spend every night working until bedtime. My LO is currently suffering through his first ear infection so about half an hour before her time was up, my nanny brought my son to me because he was inconsolable. He's needy anyway, but when he's sick, he'll barely have anything to do with anyone but me. So I went to nurse him and to give her something to do, that would also be really helpful to me, I let my nanny fold some clothes and put our sheets on our bed (she offered). Later, I'm telling my husband this as we're telling each other about our day and he starts telling me to make sure we're "using the nanny what we're paying her for" and "is it wise to even let her come this week since he's sick and needy?".  I get beyond frustrated when he starts in on this with me. I am managing my own business (which I work part time making only a little less than when I was in a full time job sans benefits) and I feel like managing the nanny is a part of this job. My aggravation really gets to the root of a bigger issue, which is that I think my husband second guesses and questions every single thing I do related to my son. Yes, he is my LO's parent too, but being a mom is my full time job. I don't second guess every decision he makes at work so why does he second guess every decision I make about our son?  In isolation, I realize this may seem petty.  But I feel like every day I find myself giving lengthy explanations about why I chose to do this or that because he is questioning me. Please check me if I'm wrong on this (I can take it), but would you feel the same way?  I want my husband to be an active parent, but let's be honest, a mother who is with her child all day long should get some discretion every once in a while when it comes to managing the house. 

by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 9:28 PM
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Replies (1-5):
foxfroggy
by Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 9:41 PM

He's being a jerk and it has little to do with parenting and more to do with control and disrespect for you and your job. 

lucky2Beeme
by Bronze Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 9:59 PM
You are smart enough for him to marry. smart enough to run your own business. Smart enough to realize your life would benefit from hiring a nanny, he should be able to accept that and stop questioning you
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jun. 2, 2014 at 10:03 PM
What does he suggest, pay her to do nothing while she's on the clock while you're caring for your kid and she's not? I'd find things for her to do too, unless she'd rather leave and forfeit her wages for that period.
MamaKPD
by New Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 10:26 PM


Quoting Anonymous: What does he suggest, pay her to do nothing while she's on the clock while you're caring for your kid and she's not? I'd find things for her to do too, unless she'd rather leave and forfeit her wages for that period.

I think he wants me to send her home without paying her for the rest of the time. But I feel like she drove here for only two hours of work so I need to do my due diligence and provide her with two hours of work. I mean, I would be kind of pissed if I went to work and they said they didn't need me for the full time and I had to forfeit pay for that. 

Coupled with the fact that our house is a wreck because my son will literally not let me put him down to do any sort of housework...I was so appreciative when she offered to do a little housework for me.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 3, 2014 at 12:01 AM
1 mom liked this
And if you don't pay her she might have to find someone who will. Nannys have bills to. You did the right thing.

Quoting MamaKPD:

Quoting Anonymous: What does he suggest, pay her to do nothing while she's on the clock while you're caring for your kid and she's not? I'd find things for her to do too, unless she'd rather leave and forfeit her wages for that period.

I think he wants me to send her home without paying her for the rest of the time. But I feel like she drove here for only two hours of work so I need to do my due diligence and provide her with two hours of work. I mean, I would be kind of pissed if I went to work and they said they didn't need me for the full time and I had to forfeit pay for that. Coupled with the fact that our house is a wreck because my son will literally not let me put him down to do any sort of housework...I was so appreciative when she offered to do a little housework for me.  

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