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SO frustrated with BM- I wanna scream!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies

warning: long post.

Ok, so this has a lot of back story to it. My Dh is currently unemployed, he starts a new job next week but obviously is not making money yet. As of right now, I am the sole financial provider. So his DD lives with us full time. Shes 5. She hasnt seen BM in about a month. BM makes no effort to see her. Here is my frustration. Currently, I am the sole finanical provider for SD. I pay the rent, buy her clothes, whatever. DH does most of the caretaking since he is currently not working, However, BM still has DD on her foodstamps. She gets $500 a month for her and her two kids, yet she has neither of them. She also gets $180/ month from families first. This month, which is the first time ever, we asked her if we could use her foodstamps only because we are in a bad situation and we really needed them to feed my SD. she made a big deal out of it.  she left us $70 to use out of $500 and she got them a week ago. She doesnt make any effort to be a mother. But she always wants to say " my child this, my child that" and its always" MY daughter". My frustration is that I am fully raising/ supporting SD, which is fine, I love her, but I have NO legal rights to her. What can I do to change that, so that I have some sort of say in things? My concern is that BM can come take her whenever she wants and theres nothing I can do. I have been with this child and cared for her 24/7 for the last 6 months, and at this point I feel that I am more of a parent than BM. advice please.

if youre just gonna be rude, kindly refrain from commenting. just want advice.

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 13, 2014 at 3:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ATG499
by Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 3:52 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't know much about SM rights but I'm pretty sure that the only way for you to have legal rights is if you're listed as a legal guardian and I don't think that can happen unless BM signs her rights away.


You need to report her for fraud ASAP. She's receiving PA for children she's not caring for. Knowing this information could get you in trouble if she got caught and you didn't say anything.

CafeMom Tickers CafeMom Tickers

(If you're on my Facebook, please don't say anything yet!!) 

ejkdmom
by Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 3:54 AM

Report her butt.  Can you guys get FS?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2014 at 3:56 AM
2 moms liked this

I called DHS today and reported her.

Quoting ATG499:

I don't know much about SM rights but I'm pretty sure that the only way for you to have legal rights is if you're listed as a legal guardian and I don't think that can happen unless BM signs her rights away.


You need to report her for fraud ASAP. She's receiving PA for children she's not caring for. Knowing this information could get you in trouble if she got caught and you didn't say anything.


GirlWithANikon
by Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 4:00 AM
1 mom liked this

So why do you guys not go to court, get custody and report her? If you report her first shes just going to want the kid to live with her so she can keep collecting AND want child support, thats how those people work. Get custody. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 13, 2014 at 4:01 AM

You need to get a court order for visitation set up so that you no longer have to fear BM turning up and taking her whenever she feels like it. Once it's decided when she can have her she might still choose not to turn up and take her (given how she has not seen her for a month that would seem likely). Once everything is legal it is much more stable. It would also put an end to her claiming her daughter for foodstamps and all the rest. This won't give you any legal right over your DS but will reinforce your DH's rights (and therefore yours, indirectly).

Have a word with a lawyer about this (many will do a first consultation free). It really is worth looking into.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2014 at 4:01 AM

i called DHS and reported her today. DH currently gets FS bc he is unemployed but he only gets $190 month bc it just for him, SD isnt on his bc she is on BMs, and he probably wont get them much longer bc he is about to start working. We rarely are in a position where we dont have much food, just bc of SD I like to have snacks and juices and stuff, and since i am supporting 3 people off my income I asked BM to help a little...

Quoting ejkdmom:

Report her butt.  Can you guys get FS?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2014 at 4:05 AM

I reported her today, she cant have SD live with her bc she is couch surfing, she doesnt even have an address. DH filed a petition last week to have the child support modified, bc he still pays her, and we just registered her for kindergarten in our county and BM lives in a different county so he is going to go to the clerk of the court on monday and see what he can do in regards to custody.

Quoting GirlWithANikon:

So why do you guys not go to court, get custody and report her? If you report her first shes just going to want the kid to live with her so she can keep collecting AND want child support, thats how those people work. Get custody. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2014 at 4:08 AM

do you have to have a lawyer for that?

Quoting Anonymous:

You need to get a court order for visitation set up so that you no longer have to fear BM turning up and taking her whenever she feels like it. Once it's decided when she can have her she might still choose not to turn up and take her (given how she has not seen her for a month that would seem likely). Once everything is legal it is much more stable. It would also put an end to her claiming her daughter for foodstamps and all the rest. This won't give you any legal right over your DS but will reinforce your DH's rights (and therefore yours, indirectly).

Have a word with a lawyer about this (many will do a first consultation free). It really is worth looking into.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 13, 2014 at 4:13 AM

No, you can do it by yourselves but, like I said, have a word with a lawyer first so you know your rights. Read up on the custody laws in your state. And there is no reason why you can't do several "first consultations" with different lawyers... 

Also, the ladies in this group

http://www.cafemom.com/group/114257

are awesome for advice on subjects like this.

Good luck

Quoting Anonymous:

do you have to have a lawyer for that?

Quoting Anonymous:

You need to get a court order for visitation set up so that you no longer have to fear BM turning up and taking her whenever she feels like it. Once it's decided when she can have her she might still choose not to turn up and take her (given how she has not seen her for a month that would seem likely). Once everything is legal it is much more stable. It would also put an end to her claiming her daughter for foodstamps and all the rest. This won't give you any legal right over your DS but will reinforce your DH's rights (and therefore yours, indirectly).

Have a word with a lawyer about this (many will do a first consultation free). It really is worth looking into.

 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2014 at 4:17 AM

thank you!

Quoting Anonymous:

No, you can do it by yourselves but, like I said, have a word with a lawyer first so you know your rights. Read up on the custody laws in your state. And there is no reason why you can't do several "first consultations" with different lawyers... 

Also, the ladies in this group

http://www.cafemom.com/group/114257

are awesome for advice on subjects like this.

Good luck

Quoting Anonymous:

do you have to have a lawyer for that?

Quoting Anonymous:

You need to get a court order for visitation set up so that you no longer have to fear BM turning up and taking her whenever she feels like it. Once it's decided when she can have her she might still choose not to turn up and take her (given how she has not seen her for a month that would seem likely). Once everything is legal it is much more stable. It would also put an end to her claiming her daughter for foodstamps and all the rest. This won't give you any legal right over your DS but will reinforce your DH's rights (and therefore yours, indirectly).

Have a word with a lawyer about this (many will do a first consultation free). It really is worth looking into.




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