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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

"You're mean to your kid' - am I really?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 76 Replies
1 mom liked this

Morning, ladies

Here is the thing. I'll start by saying the only income in my household is mine, so, yeah, we don't lack the essential, but I doubt we'll ever have money to burn, and it's okay by us.

So, whenever we go grocery shopping, we have a rule for myself and my daughter (11 y.o.) - if we see something we want and it's not on our list for that day, we include it on the next list (we usually go shopping weekly, so we have everything fresh and don't have to carry a million bags home). That's final. And the rule goes for me as much as it goes for her. No matter how much I think I want something, I make myself wait a week to see if I still want it by then.

Sometimes, if it's something really small and she has been really good, I'll let her have a little treat, but for most of the time, the rule is kept. It may look harsh and cheap, but I just don't want her becoming my mom. My mom is a terrible impulse shopper, she spends sums like 300 or 500 bucks in stuff she ends up not using. And I don't want my daughter to think it's okay, but every time mom is with us she acts like I'm depriving my child of essentials.

I get really pissed about this, and I would like to address the matter without offending her, but without changing my household rules, since it's my house and I know what I can or cannot afford. Suggestions, ideas, bashing?

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
offrdngal
by Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:25 AM
7 moms liked this
Tell your mom to mind her own business. You do things your way and that's final. If she doesn't like the way you do thongs, she doesn't have to go with you. Plain and simple.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:28 AM

I do want to and sometimes I even tell her. But it's easier to get my cat to get up and take a shower daily than to get my mom to back off from sticking her nose in her kids' lives.

Apparently, the fact that I'm a single mom automatically means I don't know what I'm doing, you know.

Quoting offrdngal: Tell your mom to mind her own business. You do things your way and that's final. If she doesn't like the way you do thongs, she doesn't have to go with you. Plain and simple.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:30 AM
What was it like growing up for you? Did mom buy you what you wanted on impulse? Did you get most of everything you wanted grocery wise?I am not being snarky, I'm going somewhere with this question though.
skrbelly
by Bronze Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:31 AM
1 mom liked this
Stop shopping with both of them. Go to the store while the kids are in school and don't worry about the mom.
offrdngal
by Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:34 AM
When she starts, just tell her to shut up. It may sound harsh, but it seems like it needs to be said.

Quoting Anonymous:

I do want to and sometimes I even tell her. But it's easier to get my cat to get up and take a shower daily than to get my mom to back off from sticking her nose in her kids' lives.

Apparently, the fact that I'm a single mom automatically means I don't know what I'm doing, you know.

Quoting offrdngal: Tell your mom to mind her own business. You do things your way and that's final. If she doesn't like the way you do thongs, she doesn't have to go with you. Plain and simple.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:36 AM

Nah, we were poor as I grew up, even more broke than my daughter and I are now.

So my mom had a similar rule for my brother and I. I don't know if she feels guilty about this, or what, but she really shouldn't. We both came up as financially responsible adults, we both have our degrees and own our houses, so even though none of us will ever be rich, we have nice lives and can provide for our children on all the essentials.

I would like to know your thoughts and where you're going, please. Thank you for replying.

Quoting Anonymous: What was it like growing up for you? Did mom buy you what you wanted on impulse? Did you get most of everything you wanted grocery wise?I am not being snarky, I'm going somewhere with this question though.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:37 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you. Shopping with my kid is actually pretty easy, and I want her to learn how to make a grocery list, and choose what to buy. My mom only comes along every now and then, but I'll try to cut it altogether.

Quoting skrbelly: Stop shopping with both of them. Go to the store while the kids are in school and don't worry about the mom.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:38 AM

Thank you. Trust me, most of the time I'm biting my tongue, since I know saying it will only cause her to cry and start saying I don't like her, etc etc.

Quoting offrdngal: When she starts, just tell her to shut up. It may sound harsh, but it seems like it needs to be said.
Quoting Anonymous:

I do want to and sometimes I even tell her. But it's easier to get my cat to get up and take a shower daily than to get my mom to back off from sticking her nose in her kids' lives.

Apparently, the fact that I'm a single mom automatically means I don't know what I'm doing, you know.

Quoting offrdngal: Tell your mom to mind her own business. You do things your way and that's final. If she doesn't like the way you do thongs, she doesn't have to go with you. Plain and simple.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:42 AM
Well I was think that she is grandma. Grandma's love to spoil their grandkids, they hate saying no lol. I was sort of curious if she indulged you the same way. She didn't but not by choice. She probably does feel guilty for not being able to give you everything you wanted. Did her circumstances change? You say she is wasteful with money now.

Quoting Anonymous:

Nah, we were poor as I grew up, even more broke than my daughter and I are now.

So my mom had a similar rule for my brother and I. I don't know if she feels guilty about this, or what, but she really shouldn't. We both came up as financially responsible adults, we both have our degrees and own our houses, so even though none of us will ever be rich, we have nice lives and can provide for our children on all the essentials.

I would like to know your thoughts and where you're going, please. Thank you for replying.

Quoting Anonymous: What was it like growing up for you? Did mom buy you what you wanted on impulse? Did you get most of everything you wanted grocery wise?I am not being snarky, I'm going somewhere with this question though.

VinVanMom
by Bronze Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:42 AM

I allow one treat. My mom did the same. Helped me make choices and compare options. Makes grocery shopping a bit more fun. They usually pick a cereal. 

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