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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Why do people have a hard time saying no and standing up for themselves?

Posted by on Jun. 14, 2014 at 11:20 PM
  • 20 Replies

I know so many people who can't say no, or stand up for themselves. They can't say no to overbearing know it all mother in laws. They can't put their foot down with husbands and partners. They can't stop people interfering in their lives.
I have no problem saying no, I have no problem saying f off or butt out. My life, my child I will do it my way.
Maybe I'm just wired to be bluntly honest. I don't know many who are wired to stand up for themselves and stop people interfering in their lives. My mother in law is pretty great, but sometimes I have to say no it's not okay. My son has rules in our house, that follow into her house and everyone else's house. He's not allowed to do something in our house, but she says *he's okay he's fine he can do that * i have no trouble saying no he can't. He's not allowed..

. I am a first time mom and I like to keep an eye on my son and if he goes somewhere in her house and I'm follow him, she tells me he is okay he will be fine. I had to say I like to see that he is okay. the house isn't MY child proof so I want to make sure. My mom likes to say stop spoiling my son, he is about to turn one and he is our one and only because I can't have anymore. I said I will be spoiling him. I've had to say butt out. I waited 20yrs to be a mom, I'm not letting ANYONE tell me what I can and can't do with my own son. I have my own parenting aways and how I parent my son is my choice. Butt out. 
Anyone else out there have no trouble saying butt out? Or do you have trouble saying butt out? lol.

by on Jun. 14, 2014 at 11:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
nichole_erin
by Member on Jun. 14, 2014 at 11:24 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't have that problem. It all boils down to a person's confidence and emotional maturity. I know what's best for me and my family, and I have the confidence to hold true to my stance. Some people never reach that sweet spot of confidence and maturity and they sadly spend their lives caving to others.
rockchickmom
by Member on Jun. 14, 2014 at 11:27 PM

Yay someone who stands up for themselves. nice to see lol. 

sondra101
by Member on Jun. 14, 2014 at 11:28 PM
2 moms liked this
I'm a caver inner, lol. I think I got the crap beat out of me whenever I tried . Idk
Saphira1207
by Member on Jun. 14, 2014 at 11:32 PM

I tend to say it tactfully at first, and if that doesn't work then I'm more blunt about it.

Is it possible, since you're a new mother, that your mother and mil are just trying to help you relax a bit about the whole parenting thing?

I know from first hand experience that almost all first timers worry about the littlest thing, even when there's no real need to.  :)  I call it First Timers Disease! lol   Or First Timers Neurosis.  Which ever seems to fit better. :D

But either way, it's likely you're worrying about things you don't need to and your mothers are just trying to help you see it.

Just think about it.  That's all I ask.

rockchickmom
by Member on Jun. 14, 2014 at 11:44 PM

Lol I'm fine with First time Neurosis, or nurortic  pyshco freak...any will do. I am happy with them all. I also don't care lol. I want to be a first time freak out mom. I waited 20yrs to be a mom, and can only have one, so he's going to get the FULL treatment. I don't want her to say he's fine, he can do that. It's annoying. I want to be a freak, i want to follow him around keeping an eye on my son. I will follow him around until I stop following him myself. Not because someone keeps saying he's okay. I adore my son so following him around isn't hard at all. If I can catch him and save him from at least one bruise on the head I'll do it, Lol. He cries I cry. It's all about being a mom and I love it all. Just not being told how to react or not to worry when I will worry because I'm a mom. :) 

vilandra
by Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 8:38 AM
1 mom liked this
my fil is... I don't know how to really describe him. But he has ways that I hate like trying to teach my daughter doctor's are bad people ( she's only 4 months so she didn't understand) but I told him point blank do not try to teach my daughter that. I have NO problem telling him to butt out and niether does my hubby
offrdngal
by Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 9:21 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm with you, I have never had an issue with saying "no". I do believe that it was probably my first word. LOL
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 15, 2014 at 9:25 AM
1 mom liked this
It took 4 years ans two abusive relationships to get my I dont give a fuck attitude..now if I have something to say im gonna say it..if someone gets mad..they'll get over it..and if not I guess they dont need to be in my life
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 15, 2014 at 10:10 AM
3 moms liked this

I always have trouble saying no.  I was raised in an environment where I had to ask my parents permission to do pretty much anything.  I wasn't supposed to voice my opinion or say no when they told me to do something, and to be perfectly honest was afraid to do so mostly because I was afraid to hurt anyone's feelings or make them not like me.

That still carries over into my adult life.  I am pretty good at putting my foot down with my kiddos and my DH, but outside of them I have a hard time.  I'm afraid that people won't like me, or that they will be mad or hurt if I tell them no.  It's all in how I was raised and it's definitely something I need to work on.

Purgatorian
by Bronze Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 2:18 AM
Saying no tactfully is an art form of which I'm an aspiring artist.
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