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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Question for Stepmommies!

Posted by on Jun. 19, 2014 at 11:58 AM
  • 14 Replies
My good friend is going through a custody battle with her ex and his new wife. They are wanting full custody of the 5 year old son that my good friend and her ex share (and I use that word lightly). After discussing some of the issues they've been having it struck me as odd that during the past few summers the ex was away in another state for training, however he is awarded summer visitation, but the new wife didn't exercise it while he was gone. My good friend was more then willing to let her. The new wife claimed that she couldn't handle her 2 kids plus 1 more. 😕

I'm a step mom. If my husband was gone during summer visitation I would still exercise it. Why wouldn't I??
by on Jun. 19, 2014 at 11:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Malumommy
by New Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 12:06 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jun. 19, 2014 at 12:22 PM
I would too, and actually my daughters sm has my daughter during visitations currently because my ex is working away. I thought it was important to keep her view of that home the same either way...
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 19, 2014 at 12:26 PM
It's not her responsibility. Why would you expect her to?

No trying to be rude just curious.
trish2tew
by Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 12:38 PM

Stupid computer ate my answer. I am a SM. I also have 3 children of my own. If I was a SAHM, I might exercise visitation so the kids can get together and BM can get a break(she has 3 now as well).

However, I work FT. There is no way in hell we are exercising extended summer visitation. We pay an arm and a leg for childcare, and I am not paying for SD#2 to go as well. DH works 8-5 M-F, so I wouldn't be alone with them 24/7 for the whole visitation. He is still picking SD#2 up for EOWE and since I don't work Mondays, she goes home Monday evening instead of Sunday evening.

Malumommy
by New Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 12:43 PM
I just think that we as step moms shouldn't pick and choose when we want to be involved in out step children's lives. Example: we sure have plenty to say when it comes to putting our 2 cents in on issues that we really have no say in, but when it comes to summer visits, just because the father isn't there, all of sudden the child's not our responsibility? Doesn't make sense to me.

Quoting Anonymous: It's not her responsibility. Why would you expect her to?

No trying to be rude just curious.
Malumommy
by New Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 12:45 PM
I agree. Aside from me wanting the time with her, I wouldn't want her to feel that just because her dad's not here we don't want her.

Quoting Anonymous: I would too, and actually my daughters sm has my daughter during visitations currently because my ex is working away. I thought it was important to keep her view of that home the same either way...
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 19, 2014 at 12:53 PM
True I see what your saying but it can go the other way around as well. They expect sm's to keep their mouth shut and stay in their place but then expect them to be baby sitters when they need it?

Not trying to start an argument just discussing.

Quoting Malumommy: I just think that we as step moms shouldn't pick and choose when we want to be involved in out step children's lives. Example: we sure have plenty to say when it comes to putting our 2 cents in on issues that we really have no say in, but when it comes to summer visits, just because the father isn't there, all of sudden the child's not our responsibility? Doesn't make sense to me.

Quoting Anonymous: It's not her responsibility. Why would you expect her to?

No trying to be rude just curious.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jun. 19, 2014 at 12:55 PM
Exactly, as well as not wanting to undermine sm as a parent.

Quoting Malumommy: I agree. Aside from me wanting the time with her, I wouldn't want her to feel that just because her dad's not here we don't want her.

Quoting Anonymous: I would too, and actually my daughters sm has my daughter during visitations currently because my ex is working away. I thought it was important to keep her view of that home the same either way...
Malumommy
by New Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 1:00 PM
I agree. I know every situation is different. Glad I have a good relationship with with my hubby's ex! Haha!

Quoting Anonymous: True I see what your saying but it can go the other way around as well. They expect sm's to keep their mouth shut and stay in their place but then expect them to be baby sitters when they need it?

Not trying to start an argument just discussing.

Quoting Malumommy: I just think that we as step moms shouldn't pick and choose when we want to be involved in out step children's lives. Example: we sure have plenty to say when it comes to putting our 2 cents in on issues that we really have no say in, but when it comes to summer visits, just because the father isn't there, all of sudden the child's not our responsibility? Doesn't make sense to me.

Quoting Anonymous: It's not her responsibility. Why would you expect her to?

No trying to be rude just curious.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 19, 2014 at 1:03 PM
1 mom liked this
I wish we had a good relationship with BM. It would definitely make life a lot easier.

Quoting Malumommy: I agree. I know every situation is different. Glad I have a good relationship with with my hubby's ex! Haha!

Quoting Anonymous: True I see what your saying but it can go the other way around as well. They expect sm's to keep their mouth shut and stay in their place but then expect them to be baby sitters when they need it?

Not trying to start an argument just discussing.

Quoting Malumommy: I just think that we as step moms shouldn't pick and choose when we want to be involved in out step children's lives. Example: we sure have plenty to say when it comes to putting our 2 cents in on issues that we really have no say in, but when it comes to summer visits, just because the father isn't there, all of sudden the child's not our responsibility? Doesn't make sense to me.

Quoting Anonymous: It's not her responsibility. Why would you expect her to?

No trying to be rude just curious.
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