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The Venting Booth The Venting Booth

Do you yell at your kids????

Posted by on Jun. 21, 2014 at 11:21 PM
  • 19 Replies

When i first had my kids i was as sweet as pie. I thought they were the best things on earth (still do) i never raised my voice, i spoke to them kindly and lovingly and they used to talk so kind in return.

Now that they are 3 and 4 (and i am pregnant) i find myself so short, not patient at alllllll, and i have started yelling alot!!!!! Anyone do that???? How do you stop????
THey just do these things you know, like 1000 messes, and thats before lunch. They cry, complain, whine, squirt toothpaste in the toilet (The whole tube no less),. (guess its better than the floor lol) They mess everything right after i clean and my husband probubly thinks i do nothing all day lol

I am as diligent as it gets at being consistant with training them to pick up after themselves, i never ever let them get away with bad behavior or disrespect etc. But i feel so weighed down, its just always something 'horrible' going on it seems. They play rough after being taught all day not too and then someone gets hurt etc... the list goes on and on??

How do you all handle the stress of preschoolers???? If i train them to put all there books away, great they do that then they find something else to get into or mess up or just cry and whine about!!!!! Any tips are always welcomed!!! I tell them get there jammies on, they all of a sudden have a 'tummy ache' i say please put your dish in the sink and now there back hurts lol what are they 90 years old   lol,
I love them so much and its so nice when they listen, we have such a great time, but its really hard when all day long is just stress!!!!!! (sorry i am done venting lol)

Please any help out there!!!!!!!

by on Jun. 21, 2014 at 11:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jun. 21, 2014 at 11:38 PM
2 moms liked this
Tell them just that and hug them " I love you so much you are making me upset I am going to hug you untill you start listening " then hug them making impossible for them to do anything else but listen . Don't make it a mean hug just one that shows you care.
thenameshailie
by Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 11:43 PM
1 mom liked this

I cant say that Ive never yelled at them, but I try not to make a habit of it. Children can be frustrating.

applesnbananas
by Bronze Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 11:48 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm gonna do this to my 2 year old haha. She will hate it. But I love hugs. Haha.

I was a preschool teacher for 5 years. Check online for ideas from a curriculum called "the Incredible years". Basically, they teach to ignore bad behavior and reward good behavior. If they are being naughty ignore them. Unless their naughtiness involves something you can simply not tolerate (violence or putting themselves in danger).... So one empties a tube of tooth paste into the toilet.... The other was quietly reading a book at that time. Ignore the tooth paste bandit, as talk to the book reader, wow! What a great choice you made to read a book! I love when you make good choices. You make me so proud. Ect ect ect...hitting, instant time out. 3 mins for the 3 year old 4 mins for the 4 year old. Consistent messages from you and dad. Good luck. It worked amazingly in preschool!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 21, 2014 at 11:49 PM
Not yell but I do raise my voice and speak more stern when they're in trouble. I always ask if they understand why they're in trouble too. Then I let them know what their punishment will be.
MSJAP2010
by Member on Jun. 22, 2014 at 11:23 AM
Welcome to motherhood. No matter how sweet your kids are, they're kids, they're gonna mess, rough house, whine, complain, do everything just to get on your nerves.
Sister_Someone
by Member on Jun. 22, 2014 at 12:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I have never, but I try to not make a habit out of it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 22, 2014 at 2:39 PM
1 mom liked this

I was raised in a family where everyone yelled to get a point across. I have to make a conscious effort to NOT yell since this is all I know. Reading books about parenting helps. I will admit when I'm mad I don't usually hold back. I still try to be calm, take a deep breath and speak quietly.

vanillaorchida
by Member on Jun. 22, 2014 at 4:22 PM
1 mom liked this

What works today with one child won't work tomorrow with that same child...

So you need a "staircase" of ideas so when one doesn't work you just move up or down a step.

Starting with step one:  DISTRACTION...when doing something you don't want them to do...distract them with something else more interesting...

1.  Get a plastic storage box with a lid, solid colored so they can't see what's inside it. As you go about your life...when the opportunity to acquire affordable things...stock up and place in "THE BOX". (Dollar store toys, coloring books & crayons, paint brushes, art supplies, craft supplies, etc)

When you feel like yelling...take a deep breath...clear a spot on a table or counter...make a big deal presenting THE BOX...duhn-duhn-dahhhhhhh!

Pick one thing for each child to play with/do. Set a timer, when it goes off...they have to switch items. Set a timer again...when it goes off...they have to give it back to you.

They do not get to pick through the box and choose...they don't have to accept the opportunity presented...but they are no longer focused/doing what was driving you crazy.


2.  Distraction...they have to do sit ups or sit criss-cross apple sauce, etc. for X minutes...set a timer...each time make it longer by two minutes.

3.  Distraction...turn on their favorite video/tv show they don't have to watch the whole thing...but they stop doing what was driving you nuts.

4.  Distraction by subtraction...you make a mess...you have 5 minutes to clean it up. Set a timer. If the timer goes off and they haven't cleaned it up...something from the mess goes in THE BOX. They don't see it again until they've cleaned up and behaved long enough to earn something from THE BOX.

Here's the thing...we drown our kids in tonnage of stuff...so they don't fully explore all the play possibilities with one toy...they just hop back and forth between the vast amount of things...not really playing with anything in depth...quickly getting bored...moving on to the next thing...surface playing until bored...then the mess has begun.

If they only have one or two items to play with at any one time and they have to play with that one or two items for the next two hours before getting to swap it for something else...it forces them to closely examine what item they have and figure out all the different ways to play with it...deeper thought...deeper play.

Then there's "STRUCTURED" time vs "UNSTRUCTURED" time.

If you can't play nicely without fighting, whining, etc...then you have STRUCTURED time:

A.  You have to sit at a table or desk and practice penmenship...get a dry erase board with capital and lower case letters and some dry erase markers and they have to sit and trace them...Double benefit...they are more prepared for school. Set a timer.

B.  Have a basket for library books...they have to sit and listen to books being read to them and if able...read books to mommy. Set a timer or they have to finish one book cover to cover.

C.  Lay on the floor with eyes closed. set a timer. This often results in naps...holding still long enough to relax.

D.  Everyday they need to have "WORK" time (chores) this develops their work ethic, practices responsibility, helps them understand the difference between half-hearted effort and 100% effort, etc. It also gives them a sense of pride in themselves for doing their work properly with 100% effort.

There are a variety of around the home, safe tasks that are age appropriate. Emptying the dryer into a laundry basket, loading a dish washer, folding wash rags, towels, sorting dirty clothes by color, setting a table, feeding & watering & walking a pet, watering & weeding a garden, planting a garden, etc.

Too much time spent running wild...makes school structured time torturous...having preschoolers get used to structured time...helps prepare them for school.

The power of ATTENTION:

Children need attention and affection...so set a timer...when the bell rings...Mommy will have Mommy & X time with X doing whatever X wants, just the two of us. Set a timer...When Mommy & Me time with X is over...then it's timer for Mommy and Y time...when timer goes off...it's Mommy time and Mommy goes off to do what she needs or wants to do while X & Y go play in their rooms, watch a movie, read/look at books, play at a friend's house, go for a walk with Daddy...

When they are being good...give them more attention...when they are misbehaving...send them to their room...cut off from all attention until the timer goes off.


Hope this helps...good luck!

JOY is in the JOurneY.
vanillaorchida
by Member on Jun. 23, 2014 at 9:40 PM

Yelling was my mom's only parenting tool...and she abused it...I mean used it often...

So, I grew up knowing how to ignore yelling. She'd be screaming at me all purple in her face about to have a stroke...and I'd be standing there replaying my favorite movie in my head...planning my next conversation with a boy I liked...anything happy and pleasant and as far away from the tornado of sound standing in front of me.

I paid more attention when my mother whispered...because if she didn't want me to hear something...it's GOT TO BE GOOD....LOL

Quoting Anonymous:

I was raised in a family where everyone yelled to get a point across. I have to make a conscious effort to NOT yell since this is all I know. Reading books about parenting helps. I will admit when I'm mad I don't usually hold back. I still try to be calm, take a deep breath and speak quietly.


JOY is in the JOurneY.
liss7208
by Member on Jun. 23, 2014 at 10:25 PM
I really like these ideas!

Op- I do try not to yell- but sometimes it just comes out and then I hear my oldest talk to her younger sister in the very tone I try not to use. It tells me- I use my not so nice tone way more than I even realize it sometimes. :/


Quoting vanillaorchida:

What works today with one child won't work tomorrow with that same child...

So you need a "staircase" of ideas so when one doesn't work you just move up or down a step.

Starting with step one:  DISTRACTION...when doing something you don't want them to do...distract them with something else more interesting...

1.  Get a plastic storage box with a lid, solid colored so they can't see what's inside it. As you go about your life...when the opportunity to acquire affordable things...stock up and place in "THE BOX". (Dollar store toys, coloring books & crayons, paint brushes, art supplies, craft supplies, etc)

When you feel like yelling...take a deep breath...clear a spot on a table or counter...make a big deal presenting THE BOX...duhn-duhn-dahhhhhhh!

Pick one thing for each child to play with/do. Set a timer, when it goes off...they have to switch items. Set a timer again...when it goes off...they have to give it back to you.

They do not get to pick through the box and choose...they don't have to accept the opportunity presented...but they are no longer focused/doing what was driving you crazy.

2.  Distraction...they have to do sit ups or sit criss-cross apple sauce, etc. for X minutes...set a timer...each time make it longer by two minutes.

3.  Distraction...turn on their favorite video/tv show they don't have to watch the whole thing...but they stop doing what was driving you nuts.

4.  Distraction by subtraction...you make a mess...you have 5 minutes to clean it up. Set a timer. If the timer goes off and they haven't cleaned it up...something from the mess goes in THE BOX. They don't see it again until they've cleaned up and behaved long enough to earn something from THE BOX.

Here's the thing...we drown our kids in tonnage of stuff...so they don't fully explore all the play possibilities with one toy...they just hop back and forth between the vast amount of things...not really playing with anything in depth...quickly getting bored...moving on to the next thing...surface playing until bored...then the mess has begun.

If they only have one or two items to play with at any one time and they have to play with that one or two items for the next two hours before getting to swap it for something else...it forces them to closely examine what item they have and figure out all the different ways to play with it...deeper thought...deeper play.

Then there's "STRUCTURED" time vs "UNSTRUCTURED" time.

If you can't play nicely without fighting, whining, etc...then you have STRUCTURED time:

A.  You have to sit at a table or desk and practice penmenship...get a dry erase board with capital and lower case letters and some dry erase markers and they have to sit and trace them...Double benefit...they are more prepared for school. Set a timer.

B.  Have a basket for library books...they have to sit and listen to books being read to them and if able...read books to mommy. Set a timer or they have to finish one book cover to cover.

C.  Lay on the floor with eyes closed. set a timer. This often results in naps...holding still long enough to relax.

D.  Everyday they need to have "WORK" time (chores) this develops their work ethic, practices responsibility, helps them understand the difference between half-hearted effort and 100% effort, etc. It also gives them a sense of pride in themselves for doing their work properly with 100% effort.

There are a variety of around the home, safe tasks that are age appropriate. Emptying the dryer into a laundry basket, loading a dish washer, folding wash rags, towels, sorting dirty clothes by color, setting a table, feeding & watering & walking a pet, watering & weeding a garden, planting a garden, etc.

Too much time spent running wild...makes school structured time torturous...having preschoolers get used to structured time...helps prepare them for school.

The power of ATTENTION:

Children need attention and affection...so set a timer...when the bell rings...Mommy will have Mommy & X time with X doing whatever X wants, just the two of us. Set a timer...When Mommy & Me time with X is over...then it's timer for Mommy and Y time...when timer goes off...it's Mommy time and Mommy goes off to do what she needs or wants to do while X & Y go play in their rooms, watch a movie, read/look at books, play at a friend's house, go for a walk with Daddy...

When they are being good...give them more attention...when they are misbehaving...send them to their room...cut off from all attention until the timer goes off.

Hope this helps...good luck!

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