My nephew is having his 4th birthday this weekend. My MIL invited us over to BIL and SIL's house for cake in the evening right when dd (10 mos) normally gets her dinner/bath/etc. Here's the backstory that you will need to help us settle this:
Both DH and I were previously married or had a LT relationship. My ex and I are in a very difficult, long, drawn out custody fight over the two children from our marriage. Without going into too much detail, this is one of those "extreme" custody fights. Im dealing with a man who will, and has, tried everythihng in his power to keep me from my children as a means to punish me for leaving. My current DH got involved at a very young age with a woman MUCH older than he was. He had a very troubled youth, she got pregnant, and they had a life that was pretty much self-medicated with marijuana. They only had one child, who is now an adult teenager, but who has some drug issues himself. He does not live in the house with DH and I, and my two children currently live with my Ex. I see them every other weekend, and I will have them for the first part of the day before the birthday party for my nephew.
DH's brother and SIL are also marijuana users and have a teenager in the house that was just caught leaving drug paraphernalia in the kids bathroom. I have no actual idea if this was for marijuana, or meth; but it could have been either.
Here is the dilema. I do not want to go over to their house, with any of my children, even for a childs birthday party. I have several reasons. First, it's my PERSONAL belief that parents shouldn't be using illegal substances with children in the house. It's not my place to correct them, since their kids are basically well cared for; however it's not a situation I want MY kids around. Even the baby. My two older children will be back with their father before the party, so "talking" children of mine will not actually be present. I don't think it's good policy to put a child in an environment that for all I know CPS or the police could come by for whatever reason. I don't think that would look favorably on me for my custody issues in court, should it become known. I don't want to start something I will eventually have to stop doing when dd can actually START asking questions about things like the smell, etc. Im afraid of what she might find on the floor now that she's crawling/cruising. I have a list that I can keep typing as to WHY I think this is a bad idea. Will they be smoking in front of the kids? No. I can't even imagine that. But, its like coming home to your house after being on vacation. You can smell what goes on there, you know?
My husband says dd is too young to know whats going on. True. He also said they would not be smoking in front of the kids, Yes, this is probably also true; but we have gone over there and they have come out of their bedroom fresh from smoking in their bathroom. HE says we can just hold the baby the whole time we're there and not let her down. Impossible. Especially during the "witching hour". Her grumpy, wanna go home time.
I also understand that he doesn't want to tell his brother that his house is unacceptable, especially since DH's house was pretty much exactly the same not too long ago. DH says I'm being judgemental. I say I'm being protective. Protective of my position bringing my kids back home with me, protective of the environment that my baby is brought up in. And personally, I don't see why someone's personal choice to smoke pot has to become MY obligation to be around it. But, if I'm being unreasonable, then I will go to the party, put on a cone hat, and be a good SIL.
What do you guys thinK?