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My sister is ruining her kids' lives!

Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies
My sister's husband died a little over 2 yrs ago from cancer. Less than 2 months later she hooks up with this other guy and gets pregnant. She left this guy because he was toxic. Her 17 yr old son has learned to duck and cover really well due to the fighting. Her preteen daughter is terrified of all men now, and the younger two are also brokenhearted. The baby loves his Dad but gets angry because the guy would rather stare at screens than spend time with his son.

My sister gave these kids no time to grieve and kinda just forced this new guy on them. DH and I managed to get her a apt in our town and helped her move. This guy is coming to visit this weekend and she says he has had some light bulbs go off in his head. She is going to tell the kids to just wipe the slate clean and give this guy another chance.

He has tortured these kids! He hit the oldest and degraded the preteen. He made all of them afraid to even talk to their baby brother yet expected to hem to care for him constantly. My sister needs to learn to stand on her own two feet.

The preteen was crying and telling me her Dad wouldn't have died if she would have been there. My sister responded to this by saying she felt a lot of guilt too because if it wouldn't have been the preteens bday she might have got him to the ER sooner. She has even said that this kid only cries about her Dad when it's convenient. ...WTF?!!!

If she gets back with this ahole I feel like I will just hafta walk away. I love these kids so much...but I have my own little one. I just keep thinking how selfish can she be? I will tell the kids they can call me whenever they want/need to, but I can't keep being sucked in. My heart is breaking.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 11, 2014 at 1:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 11, 2014 at 1:48 AM
Those poor kids. I dont know what to tell you. I dont think that he has changed guys like that dont.I guess if worse came to worse your family could have an Intervention and try and get her to understand what she and this guy are putting her kids through. If he is still abusive maybe you or someone can try ang get coustody of the kids.
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 11, 2014 at 5:52 AM
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That's awful. :(

It might be worth a call to social services. They don't just straight up takes kids from their parents.

An anonymous called my high school and said I was having emotional problems and they in turn called social services. They came to the house and talked to me and my parents, checked out the house. I was just being a moody teenager and I was just having normal teenage problems which I was totally being very dramatic about. But they recommended I talk to jail professional and I ended up getting something positive out of it. Even if it was just talking to the school shrink a few hours a week.

It just brought attention to the situation. Nothing happened to my parents. They went abusing me or anything but it was just a time in my life I needed extra help and didn't know how to ask for it.

So maybe they can talk to the kids and see how they feel about him and if he really wants to see the baby maybe it can be turned into something with court supervised visits or whatever.
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 7:35 AM
You need to make yourself and your family the priority. If it hurts you and yours emotionally, financially, physically, then don't engage it. People don't ever do what we want them to, they do what they will.Sometimes,there's agreement between those things, but mostly no. It's her life, her kids. Be supportive and avoid bashing the husband, he will turn her against you and you will be the bad guy. Have some boundaries here, you can't hurt yourself and your family, no matter how much you want to help
by on Jul. 12, 2014 at 11:23 AM
sounds like they all need help..some women can't live without a man .
by Member on Jul. 12, 2014 at 11:40 AM

This is hard! You really have no choice but to live your own life and be there if the kids need you.,i would call the cops if you hear he hits the kids again. 

by Anonymous 4 on Jul. 12, 2014 at 2:05 PM

It sounds to me like your sister is very selfish. She isn't considering her children's needs. Just the fact that she hooked up with a guy only 2 months after the death of her dh speaks volumes. I'm sorry you are going through this.

by Anonymous 5 on Jul. 12, 2014 at 3:51 PM

If the oldest is being hit then call cps.

by Bronze Member on Jul. 13, 2014 at 4:38 AM

Tell the  17  yr  old when  he turns 18  he can  go  live with you.  And then  tell  all the other  kids the same  when they get older.  Also  tell  them  that  if  he hits  any  of them  to call 911

by on Jul. 13, 2014 at 4:57 AM

Simple, call cps.

by Member on Jul. 13, 2014 at 5:11 AM
Sure just be another adult to desert these kids. Seriously if it's as bad as all that do something about it or you don't really care.
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